The Marriage with an Estranged Adult Child
by Dr. Gary Chapman  

One of the things that sometimes contributes to a painful marriage is a broken relationship with an adult child.  For any number of reasons, the adult child has almost no contact with parents.   

The parents are deeply pained but don't know how to process their pain, and so it shows up in arguments between the two of them.  The arguments may be about anything but they are rooted in the belief that one of them caused the child to abandon them.

They may be able to quote the last harsh words the spouse spoke to the child, even though they were spoken ten years ago.  Those words are etched in their memory because that is when the child left home.   

Because they blame their spouse, they have difficulty developing intimacy.  So the marriage suffers.   

However, blaming does not restore the relationship.  It simply keeps the marriage from healing.  Isn't it time to take some steps toward your spouse?  And then together you can reach out to your child.   

"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace," might be an appropriate prayer with which to begin.  This week, we will talk about how to mend fences with your adult child. 

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Based on the book, How to Really Love Your Adult Child  by Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Ross Campbell. Published by Moody Publishing.  For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources, click here.     

Ten Marital "Nevers"
by Tommy Nelson

#1 Never Speak Rashly

Weigh your words before you speak, especially if you are feeling emotionally upset about a situation or circumstance.  Back away and give your endocrine system a chance to return to normal.  Always keep in mind that it's not only what you say that matters, but how and when you speak.  

Very often in a marriage, a person reacts to how a person speaks far more than to what is said.  An angry, belittling, or hateful tone of voice is going to bring about a response, even if

what is said is rather benign.   

The more benign the content of such communication, the more the statement is going to be perceived as sarcasm or cynicism, which also brings about a negative response in most people.   

Proverbs 15:1 tells us, "A harsh word stirs up anger."

#2 Never Confront Your Mate Publicly

Have you ever watched or overheard a couple argue in a public place, perhaps at the table next to you in a restaurant?  You feel sorry for both persons - the one who is the recipient of an angry harangue and the one who is engaging in such terrible behavior because that person doesn't realize how much embarrassment he is bringing upon himself.   

Jesus taught, "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone" (Matthew 18:15).

If you have an issue to bring up with your spouse, do so in the privacy of your home.  

Article taken directly from the book, The Book of Romance by Tommy Nelson. Published by Thomas Nelson Publishing.