Responding to Verbal Abuse - Part 4  
by Dr. Gary Chapman  

What do I do when my spouse verbally abuses me?

We don't help an abusing spouse when we act as though the harsh words do not hurt us.  The answer is not to lash back with our own harsh words.  The answer is to acknowledge that we have been wounded and need help.  Listen to the words of one spouse:

"There is something I really need to share with you.  Over the last several weeks, the verbal attacks I've heard from you have brought me tremendous pain.  I know that some of things you say are true, and I am willing to work on those.  I also feel that some of what you have said is exaggerated and is spoken out of anger.  I really want us to have a good marriage, so I've made an appointment with a counselor.  I don't think that your behavior over the last month is characteristic of the real you.  At the same time, I can't take the pain any longer.  I don't know if you want to go with me or not, but I feel that I must have some help."

These words can be written or spoken, but they exhibit a positive response to verbal abuse.

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Based on the book, Desperate Marriages  by Dr. Gary Chapman. Published by Moody Publishing.  For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources, click here.     

The Threat of Selfishness
by Dennis and Barbara Rainey      

Harmony in human relationship has always been difficult to achieve.  The greatest test of harmony is marriage, where two imperfect creatures seek to defeat isolation and become one.  Two people going their own selfish, separate ways can never hope to experience the oneness of marriage as God intends.

If we live our lives for ourselves, thinking only of our selfish desires and interests, in the end God gives us exactly what we wanted: Ourselves.

The key to solving selfishness is learning you have to depend on someone else because you really have no other choice.  To experience oneness and intimacy you must give up your will for the will of another.  But to do this you must first give up your will to Christ, and then you will find it possible to give up your will for that of your mate.

Unless you can come to this "giving up of the wills" and learn to depend on one another, selfishness will cripple or destroy your marriage as you face the inevitable difficulties that are bound to occur.

Article taken directly from the book, Staying Close  by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Published by Thomas Nelson Publishing.