Responding to Verbal Abuse - Part 1 

by Dr. Gary Chapman  

This week, our topic is verbal abuse and how to respond.  

Most of us sometimes, "lose our temper" and say harsh cutting words that we later regret.  If we are spiritually and emotionally mature, we acknowledge that this is inappropriate behavior.  We express sorrow and ask forgiveness.   

The verbal abuser, on the other hand, seldom asks for forgiveness or acknowledges that the verbal abuse is inappropriate.  Typically, the abuser will blame the spouse for stimulating the abuse.  "She got what she deserved" is the attitude of the abuser.

Why do people become verbal abusers?  It often grows out of low self-esteem.  They are not the confident cocky person they portray.  Inside, they are a child trying desperately to become an adult, fighting to prove their worth.  They bolster their own self-esteem by putting others down.   

Join us tomorrow as we talk about how to respond if you are married to a verbal abuser? 

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Based on the book, Desperate Marriages  by Dr. Gary Chapman. Published by Moody Publishing.  For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources, click here.     

The Threat of Comparing 
by Dennis and Barbara Rainey    

Today, [most] Americans live in cities. We are urban, mobile, and constantly tempted to compare what we don't have, with those who appear "to have it all." These comparisons can be one of the most lethal forms of poison for any marriage.

How do we make comparisons?  As Mr. Husband rolls down the freeway, the he drives by two or three beautiful women who beckon seductively from billboards. One is dressed in slinky black velvet, and the others aren't dressed in much at all. Hubby walks into his office building and inhales a blend of Obsession, Passion, and Giorgio Red as he rides the elevator full of pretty secretaries, accountants and lawyers. He greets his own attractive secretary, who is beautifully dressed in an aerobically honed size seven, with perfect hairdo and flawless makeup. And why not? She has plenty of time for all that because she's single.

Of course it's easy to reverse the picture.  Mrs. Wife can go through the same kind of comparisons, complete with billboards full of Greek gods displaying glistening muscles, washboard stomachs, and no love handles. She can spend the day in offices full of dynamic, well-dressed account executives, and when she returns home at night, she can flip on the tube to channel surf and watch any number of handsome hunks. She glances over at her slightly balding, somewhat paunchy companion and thinks, This is having it all?

The point is, we do compare. It's unavoidable. And our mates are usually no match for the competition, whether it's at work, on a magazine cover, or even at church. Even if your spouse is still slim, trim, and attractive, there is always somebody more attractive who pops up on TV, a billboard, or maybe across the back fence.

Comparisons are based on fantasy games played from a distance.

Can a man scoop fire into his lap

   without his clothes being burned?

Can a man walk on hot coals

   without his feet being scorched?

So is he who sleeps with another man's wife;

   no one who touches her will go unpunished.

- Proverbs 6:27-29

Article taken directly from the book, Staying Close  by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Published by Thomas Nelson Publishing.