Apologizing by Making Restitution
by Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Jennifer Thomas 

Apology Language #3: Making Restitution 

"What can I do to make it right?"

The idea of "making things right" to make up for a wrong is embodied within the human psyche, and both our judicial system and human relationships are deeply influenced by this fundamental idea.

When we are hurt by the words or behavior of a family member or spouse, we often feel angry.  The reason it hurts so deeply and the anger is so intense is that we desperately want to be loved by that person.  Their harsh words or hurtful actions have called into question their love.

For some people, restitution is their primary apology language.  For them the statement, "It is not right for me to have treated you that way," must be followed with "What can I do to show you that I still care about you?"  Without this effort at restitution, this person will feel unloved even though you may have said, "I am sorry; I was wrong."  They wait for the reassurance that you genuinely love them.

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Based on the book, The Five Languages of Apology by Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Jennifer Thomas. Published by Moody Publishing.  For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources, click here.     

The Risk of Marriage  

by Dan Allender and Tremper Longman   

A marriage is a commitment to the other that says, "I will give my heart and soul and body to your protection and provision.  I betroth myself to your joy."

The risk is to open one's heart and then one's mouth.  If I open my heart to what I most want for us as a couple it is the intimate weaving of our hearts in the pleasure of redeeming love.  I want my wife to know and to be at rest in Jesus.  I know she wants the same for me even more deeply than I want it for myself.

No one on this earth has wounded me more deeply than my wife has.  No one has ever, or will ever, woo me to the pleasures of heaven more than my wife has and will.  That is union.  A union of desire that is hard to swallow and hard to fathom, both/and, joined together, wedded, wielded, wound together oddly and gloriously.  Such a union of souls speaks of what is known through becoming "one flesh."

Article taken directly from the book,  The Intimate Mystery by Dan Allender and Tremper Longman. Published by InterVarsity Publishing.