Apologizing with Regret
by Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Jennifer Thomas 

The first language of apology is

expressing regret.  

Most commonly, it is expressed in the words "I am sorry." Expressing regret is the emotional aspect of an apology. It is expressing to the offended person your own sense of guilt, shame, and pain that your behavior has hurt him deeply.

Apology is birthed in the womb of regret.

We regret the pain we have caused, the disappointment, the inconvenience, the betrayal of trust.

Regret focuses on what you did or failed to do and how it affected the other person. The offended one is experiencing painful emotions, and they want you to feel some of their pain. They want some evidence that you realize how deeply you have hurt them.  

For some people, this is the one thing they listen for in an apology.  

Without the expression of regret, they do not sense that the apology is adequate or sincere.

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Based on the book, The Five Languages of Apology by Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Jennifer Thomas. Published by Moody Publishing.  For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources, click here.     

A Heart to Forgive 

by Dan Allender and Tremper Longman   

These words must be weighed carefully for their intended meaning. Having a heart to forgive seventy times seven does not mean naively or blindly walking back into a dangerous or demeaning situation merely to be re-abused in the same fashion.  

When a woman reenters an emotionally, physically or sexually abusive situation after her husband has said, "I am sorry, please forgive me," it must be because his words are grounded to a willingness truly to repent, not merely to voice sorrow.  

Words are like paper currency. If a bill is not backed up by gold, then it is merely a symbol without substance. When emotional, physical or sexual harm has been done, the gold behind the words must be a willingness to seek help and accountability that would bring real and significant consequences for ongoing failure.

Article taken directly from the book,  The Intimate Mystery by Dan Allender and Tremper Longman. Published by InterVarsity Publishing.