Making an Effective Apology
by Dr. Gary Chapman

The Need for Sincerity

What most people are looking for in an apology is sincerity. They want the apology to be genuine, but how do you determine sincerity? Therein lies the problem. The evidence of sincerity differs from person to person. What one person considers to be sincere is not what another person considers to be sincere.

Our research has led us to the conclusion that there are five basic elements of an apology. We call them the five languages of apology. For most people, one or two of these speak more deeply of sincerity than the others. You do not need to include all five languages to offer an effective apology. For an apology to be accepted, you need to speak the language (or perhaps two languages) that conveys to the offended your sincerity. Then he or she will regard your apology as genuine and will likely accept it.

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Based on the book, The Five Languages of Apology by Dr. Gary Chapman. Published by Moody Publishing.  For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources, click here.     

Connecting God To Our Talk 

by Dan Allender and Tremper Longman   

There are three strands that are to be woven into our dialogue: yours, mine and God's.  

The mystery of intimacy is not that it occurs between a man and a woman but that a third party is privileged to be included in the most intimate exchange of words and eventually bodies. As we talk, God is ultimately the means by which we converse and the end to which our conversation is meant to move.  

Let me quickly clarify: a conversation doesn't have to be about God to be about God.  

It is of course not wrong to theologize together. Many of the most intimate conversations I've had with my wife have involved imagining God together. And theologizing and imagining can occur in prayer, a casual conversation or a fight.

Redemptive talk, however, acknowledges that God is an intimate player in our moment.  

My wife's and my involvement as speakers for Family Life has taught us to say in tough moments, "I am not your enemy." The number of times that phrase has saved us is legion. It is a time-honored and well-rehearsed sentence that transports us from the debauchery of our sin to another realm in the blink of an eye. This is different from the magic of abracadabra, for it reminds us of why we are not enemies: we have a common, undying, relentless, wild third presence in our marriage - GOD. He is my friend and he is my wife's friend; therefore whether we like it or not, he intends for us to be friends and not enemies.

Redeeming talk borrows hope from God to risk another encounter. In fact, not just one encounter but seventy times seven. This is the most outlandish component of marriage - the willingness to reenter a marred terrain with hope.

Article taken directly from the book,  The Intimate Mystery by Dan Allender and Tremper Longman. Published by InterVarsity Publishing.