Who Cleans the Commode?
by Dr. Gary Chapman

Who is going to clean the commode?

I once had a couple in my office who were at a stand off over that question. His position was that cleaning the commode was a woman's job. Her position was that it was a manly task. Mold was growing in the commode because neither would budge.

"What about hiring someone to come in each week and clean the commode," I asked?

"We can't afford that," he said.

"Well do you know of someone who might come in and clean it without charging?"

"My mother," he said, "but I'm not going to ask her to do that. That would be stupid."

"Then, what's the most logical thing to do," I inquired.

"The logical thing is for her to clean it," he said.

"No, the logical thing is for him to clean it," she said.

"Then you have just solved your problem," I said.

"I don't get it," he replied.

"You clean the commode this week, and she will clean it next week."

"But that's giving in."

"Yes," I said, "and that is what marriage is all about. Your problem is not a commode problem, but an attitude problem. Choose the attitude of love and the commode will get cleaned."

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Based on the book, The Marriage You've Always Wanted by Dr. Gary Chapman. Published by Moody Publishing.  For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources, click here.     

Threats During Trials
by Gary and Barb Rosberg  

Threat #2:  Trials invite denial or the belief that you can handle it all alone.

Denial is the handy psychological term for our tendency not to admit a problem exists. It's a refusal to deal with the facts.  

Asserting that you can handle a problem alone may be a healthy sign of independence, but it may also be an unhealthy attempt to avoid looking bad or asking for help.  

It can set us to humming the old Simon and Garfunkel tune "I am a rock, I am an island." Both denial and stubborn independence push your spouse to the periphery, saying, "I don't need to talk about it."

When you uncover deep pain, you also will often find issues of privacy and emotional safety. In fact, it's the fear of not having a safe place to sort through our problems that prompts us to keep those hurts under wraps for so long.  

That's why developing safe patterns of friendship is so vital before a trial hits.

Article taken directly from the book,  The Five Love Needs of Men & Women by Gary and Barb Rosberg. Published by Tyndale Publishing.