Showing Quality Time Through Empathetic Conversation
by Dr. Gary Chapman

This week we're talking about spending quality time with your spouse.  Empathetic conversations is one way to speak this love language.   It focuses on listening more than talking.  

Ask questions, with a genuine desire to understand your mate's thoughts, feelings, and desires.  

Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking.  Don't listen to your spouse and do something else at the same time.   

Listen for feelings.  Ask yourself, "What emotions is my spouse experiencing?"   

Tell him/her what you are hearing.  For example, you might say, "It sounds to me like you are feeling disappointed because I forgot to feed the dog this morning."   

Such feed back encourages your spouse to clarify feelings.  Then you might say, "I can see why you would feel that way. It makes a lot of sense.  What might I do to see that it doesn't happen again?"   

Now your spouse feels heard.  You have communicated love by listening empathetically and looking for a solution.   

You are speaking the love language of quality time.   

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Based on the book,  The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. Published by Moody Publishing.  For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources, click here.     

Creating A.W.E. Through Encouragement
by Jim Burns 

This week, author and radio host, Jim Burns, talks about creating A.W.E. (affection, warmth, encouragement) in your marriage.  Today, he looks at encouragement.

The only thing that a critical spirit, nagging, and negativity bring to a relationship is lack of intimacy.   

Many people were raised in homes where "shame-based parenting" was the rule rather than the exception.  For many, there is a natural tendency to focus on the negative side of life, but that just doesn't work in relationships.   

There is incredible power in encouragement and affirmation.  Mark Twain once said, "I can live two months on one good compliment."

All people are drawn to encouragement and flee from negativity.  Your presence in your spouse's life makes a difference.  It sometimes speaks louder than words.  Your availability, both physically and emotionally, says to your spouse that he or she is in a safe relationship.   

Don't expect to have a thriving marriage if there is too much hostility and lack of attention paid to your spouse.   

It just doesn't work that way.  It may not be your responsibility to hound, nag, or control your spouse, but it is your God-given responsibility to encourage your spouse.   

Many marriages would be much better off if the spouses clearly understood that they are on the same side!

Article taken directly from the book,  Creating an Intimate Marriage by Jim Burns. Published by Bethany House Publishing.  For more on Jim Burns, visit www.homeword.com