The Key to Everything
by Dr. Gary Chapman

Before we got married, I thought that every morning when the sun gets up, everybody gets up.  But after we got married, I found out that my wife didn't do mornings.  Didn't take me long not to like her, and didn't take her long not to like me.  For several years, we struggled, greatly disappointed in our marriage.

What finally turned our marriage around?  The profound discovery,  that it was not my job to demand that she meet my expectations.  My job was to give my life away to make her life easier and more meaningful.  My model?  Christ Himself, who gave his life away for our benefit.

In a thousand years, I would never have come up with the idea.  But then, His ways are not our ways.  The road to greatness is in serving others.  What better place to start than in your own marriage.  My wife is my first responsibility.   

When I choose to serve God, He says, "Let's start with your wife.   

Do something good for her today."  When I got the picture, my wife was quick to respond.  She was a fast learner.  Love begets love.  That's God's way.

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Based on the book,  The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. Published by Moody Publishing.  For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources, click here.     

You want to help your man grow - who wouldn't?  And you're trying to remain as supportive and positive as possible.  But when the changes are slow in coming and your patience begins to wear thin, you may wonder, Am I helping the situation at all?  

Secret #2: Stop Making Excuses 

Our second powerful secret for creating change in your relationship is this: You must stop making excuses. 

Excuses are subtle lies that you believed to maintain the status quo even though the status quo may be very damaging to your emotional and spiritual health. 

Just as a man fears confontation and uses excuses to make his story fit his situation, a woman has her fears too.  She too has her excuses that make the situation more palatable.  Her vulnerability, however, is much more transparent.  She has a lot to lose, and she knows it.  Buying his excuses for not changing is easier than changing or looking closely at herself.

Men use excuses to keep from changing, and women use them to keep an uneasy (and false) peace.