The Importance of Positive Attitude 
by Dr. Gary Chapman

The challenge of keeping a positive attitude is not a new idea.  It is found clearly in the first-century writing of Paul the apostle.  He wrote:  

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds. ...Whatever is true,  noble,  right,  pure,  lovely, or admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." Phil 4:4-7. 

We are responsible for the way we think.  Even in the worst marital situation we choose our attitude.  Maintaining a positive attitude requires prayer.  Paul said, bring your requests to God.  Tell him what you want. Will God always do what we ask?  No, but what does happen is that "the peace of God" descends on our emotions and our thoughts.  God calms our emotions and directs our thoughts.   

With a positive attitude, we become a part of the solution, rather than a part of the problem.  

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Based on the book, Desperate Marriages by Dr. Gary Chapman. Published by Moody Publishing.  For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources, click here.     

Marriage can be the gym in which our capacity to experience and express God's love is strengthened and further developed.  To get there, we have to realize that human love and divine love aren't two separate oceans but rather one body of water with many tributaries.  We show our love for God in part by loving our spouses well.  Marriage creates a climate where this love is put to the greatest test.  The problem is that love must be acquired.

Love is not a natural response that gushes out of us unbidden.  Infatuation sometimes does that - at the beginning of a relationship at least - but hate is always ready to spring forth, like the "Old Faithful" geyser at Yellowstone National Park.  Christian love, on the other hand, must be chased after, aspired to, and practiced.

In the marriage context, we have absolutely no excuse.  God lets us "choose" whom we're going to love.  Because we get the choice and then find it difficult to carry out the love in practice, what grounds do we have to ever stop loving?  God doesn't command us to get married; he offers it to us as an opportunity.  Once we enter the marriage relationship, we cannot love God without loving our spouse as well.

Divorce represents our inability to hold to Jesus' command.  It's giving up on what Jesus calls us to do.  If I can't love my wife, how can I love the homeless man on the street?  How can I love the drug addict or the alcoholic?   

Yes, this spouse might be difficult to love at times, but that's what marriage is for - to teach us how to love.

Allow your relationship to stretch your love and to enlarge your capacity for love - to teach you to be a Christian.  Use marriage as a practice court, where you learn to accept another person and serve him or her.