The Importance of My Attitude 
by Dr. Gary Chapman

I am responsible for my own attitude. My spouse may treat me unkindly, or ignore me, but I am still responsible for choosing my thoughts. The Christian challenge is to have a loving attitude.  

The question is: What is the loving way for me to look at this?  

Love always seeks the well being of the other person.  

This does not mean that I am unconcerned about myself and meeting my needs, but my first concern must be for my spouse.

This does not imply that I am to become a doormat. That is not the loving thing to do. Accepting such behavior is not loving my spouse. When you choose the attitude of love, you are asking yourself: What is best for my spouse in this situation? Always that means holding your spouse accountable for unacceptable behavior.

"I love you too much sit here and allow you to destroy yourself. What you are doing is hurting me, but it is also detrimental to your well-being and I will not be a part of it."   

This is a loving attitude.

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Based on the book, Desperate Marriages by Dr. Gary Chapman. Published by Moody Publishing.  For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources, click here.     

Myth #1:  Since God is love and anger is the opposite of love, it is clear that God is against anger and that whenever we get angry we are sinning.   

The Old Testament reports numerous instances in which God expresses anger or is described as being angry.  God is described as being angry with the people of Israel for their rebellion - not that His ego was bruised because man wouldn't be subject to Him; on the contrary,  

His anger had its source in His love.  God's anger revealed how much God cared.  It revealed His patience and love.  So God's anger arises, in part, out of love for us.

In contrast, with men and women anger often arises out of bitterness and hatred.  Some of us have never clearly seen the distinction between anger and hate.  Thus, we may believe that God is primarily a punitive God who acts out of His hate for certain people.  This thinking implies a very small and insecure God - one who gets upset at every offense to His pride, a God who turns quickly from love to hate, depending on His mood at the moment.   

Paul destroys the myth that all anger is sin when he says, "Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity" (Ephesians 4:26-27).   

Paul makes it very clear that while it is normal to experience anger, we can choose to express that anger in ways that are not sinful.