Test Number 2: 
Our heart is softened if it displays beautiful attitudes.  

Applied to marriage, the beatitudes in Matthew 5:1-12,exemplify a new and tender heart toward God.   

When applied to marriage, these attitudes are lived out this way,  

"I find my life is poor without you, I long to share your sorrows, I promise to use my strength to help rather than control you, I desire to treat you in the right way, I will quickly show you mercy when offended, I will look for God's face and glory in our sexual purity, I will take the initiative to make peace when it's disrupted, I am willing even to suffer to do the right thing toward you, and I'm committed to rejoicing even when I'm misunderstood by you."

The Need for Significance 
by Dr. Gary Chapman

All of us have the need for significance or self-worth.  We want to feel that we are important, that our lives are counting for something.  In marriage we are called upon to encourage each other in our pursuits for significance.   

Ultimately our self-worth is rooted in who we are, children of God by faith in Christ.  This makes us extremely important.

As children of God we are all uniquely gifted.  As we express these gifts or abilities under the direction of the Holy Spirit we experience satisfaction.  We can see something of how God is using us as His instrument for good.  We are humbled, but we are also encouraged.

Positive comments about your spouse's efforts to explore their interests and giftedness is a way to help meet their need for significance.  "You're a super mom."  Is encouraging to a wife who has chosen to be a "work at home Mom."   

Critical comments, on the other hand, tend to diminish self-worth.   

Look for ways to encourage your spouse.

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Based on the book, The Marriage You've Always Wanted by Dr. Gary Chapman. Published by Moody Publishing.  For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources, click here.