For some, your change of heart will be dramatic and immediate.  For others, it will be far more subtle and occur over a longer period of time.  Either way, you will begin to discover the intimacy and connection God designed for your marriage.

How can we know that our heart has softened (or is softening) toward our spouse?  Scripture points to at least five distinct evidences. 

Test Number 1: 
Our heart is softened if it is
now a more childlike heart. 

The heart of a child is naturally innocent, trusting, obedient, loving, humble, and forgiving.  While we are all born with a fallen and sinful nature, the tenderness of a young child's heart is clearly evident as Jesus pointed out in Matthew 19, "for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

For the most part, childlike innocence means children are not drawn to evil but repelled by it.  Guileless, they naturally believe in the good intentions and loving motives of the people closest to them.  Childlike love moves them to care for those around them without expecting something in return.  Childlike humility means they often treat others as more important than themselves.  Finally, and perhaps the most remarkable of all their characteristics, childlike forgiveness releases others from the debt owed them as soon as they are asked for it (and often before.)

While we are saved by the grace of God alone and not by works, the presence of these traits is evidence that a dramatic spiritual change has taken place in our hearts.    

The Need for
Relational Security 
by Dr. Gary Chapman

One of our most fundamental emotional needs is the need for security.  Safety from the crime-ridden streets of the neighborhood?  Yes, but the greatest security need is the need for the deep assurance that your spouse is committed to you.  That they can be trusted and that they will be there for you.

The person who threatens his spouse with such statements as "I just think we should get a divorce.  You'd be better off with someone else" or "I think I'll find me someone  who will really love me" is striking emotional terror in the soul of the spouse. 

We need to communicate to each other that whatever happens, we are with them.  We want to help.  We want to learn.  If there are disagreements, we will take time to listen, understand, and seek resolution.  "If you are hurting, I want to be there for you."   

These are the commitments that create a secure atmosphere in which to grow a healthy marriage. 

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Based on the book, The Marriage You've Always Wanted by Dr. Gary Chapman. Published by Moody Publishing.  For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources, click here.