Communication: Just Do It 
by Dr. Gary Chapman

The easiest level of communication is simply sharing day-to-day events.  Sometime ago, a wife said to me: "My husband's job takes him out of town for three days.  When he returns, I ask him "How did things go?"  To which he responds: "fine."  Three days away," she said, "and all I get is 'fine'.  Now that doesn't tell me much.

Do you understand what she is saying.  She is separated from the events in her husband's life by three days, and "fine" does not bridge the distance.  His response every husband will appreciate: "I want to leave my work at work.  I don't want to bring it home and hash it over again." 

Every husband can identify with that statement, but it overlooks one important factor: intimacy with one's wife.  Tell her everything guys.  Break the cycle.  Give her all the details.  About a week of this and you can drop back and hit the high points or the low points.  But if she is complaining, give her more.   

Choose to communicate.  It breeds intimacy. 

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Based on the book, The Marriage You've Always Wanted by Dr. Gary Chapman. Published by Moody Publishing.  For a complete listing of Dr. Chapman's books and resources, click here.     

Do you spend only four minutes a day in meaningful conversation with each other?  Does your calendar have a blinking NO VACANCY sign on it? We suggest you take the following test to help you determine if your marriage is suffering from low priority.

MARRIAGE MINUTES TEST

Over a seven day period, note the number of minutes you spend doing each of the following activities:

1. ________ Talking with your spouse when <i>no one</i> else is around.

2. ________ Discussing things related to just the two of you, excluding the kids, your parents, work, money, friends, or daily activities.

3. ________ Spending time just looking at each other.

4. ________ Having fun together, alone, in a mutually enjoyable activity.

5. ________ Making love, kissing, hugging, or touching each other.

6. ________ Talking about the future of your marriage, not about retirement funds, retirement homes, and insurance plans.

7. ________ Discussing world events, politics, or issues of the day. This means two-way talking and listening.

8. ________ Just sitting together doing the same thing or something different, such as reading, listening to music, sewing, and so on.  Do not include television watching or computer time.

9. ________ Eating together without interruptions (no kids, no phones).

10. ________ Spending time in prayer, Bible reading, devotional reading, or worship together.  Do not include religious services.

__________ TOTAL MARRIAGE MINUTES

Explanation: Estimated total number of Marriage Minutes available for relating to each other is 1,800 minutes or thirty hours per week.   

Divide your total Marriage Minutes score by 1,800 available minutes.   

For example, if you estimated your total number of Marriage Minutes to be 180, divide 180 by 1,800.  This would equate to 10 percent.   

If your score was near to 10 percent, congratulations!  In our over-scheduled society, many couples don't even rank above 5 percent.