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Journal Entry Sat 3/7/09

One conclusion I arrived at today is I am not a normal person and that's cool with me. I know that seems pretty obvious but I mean I know that the way God is doing things with me is not typical. It's weird and I live a weird lifestyle; but that's fine. I know I fall short many times but I still believe God has called me to this life of weirdness. There were a lot of things that brought this fact home for me today. I was thinking about what to tell the singles about dating and marriage and I was always mindful that my views are not typical. I don't expect everybody to do things the way I'm doing it.

Also [a minister I know] said she's in her last month [working at church] and she's going to go into ministry full time. I thought yes that's a more normal way to do it. You build a following and publish your book first. You don't quit your job then do all that later. But that's how the disciples got called and we're all different.

I thought about a lot of things and I think often I felt a certain condemnation about my abnormality. Often my aspiration was to be 'normal.' To have a normal job and relationships and way of doing things. I was just waiting for a return to normalcy; but today I just embraced it. I'm not normal and I'm not trying to be. I'm out in the deep waters and I'll never be the same. I believe someday I'll have income but I'll never be normal. ☺ I embrace my weirdness. I celebrate my peculiarity. I'm not normal and I don't want a normal [spouse] or life. Everything God has for me is customized to my uniqueness. Thank You Lord.