Journal Entry Tuesday 11/30/04 10:18 pm

I am really overcome.  I picked up Spider-Man 2 from the store on the way to bible study.  I ended up being a little late.  When I walked in Rabbi [my nickname for my pastor in Chicago] was reading from Genesis 12 about when God told Abram to leave so he could be blessed.  The whole bible study was amazing!  We were studying Romans chapter 4, which is about Abram's faith.  Rabbi talked about how God speaks clearly to us and we don't obey because of fear.  I was so convicted!  He talked about favor and how it's better than money and he had me so convicted and fired up I was ready to pack up my stuff in a U-Haul and take off ASAP [God had already told me to move to Houston & been bombarding me  with Genesis 12:1-3].  Then he said that Abram was blessed because he wasn't trying to get personal glory.  He was blessed because he was trying to be obedient to his Father.  That was my revelation from Mulan and I just cried.  The tears came.  God is so amazing.  I don't know if anyone realized that I was crying.  I was trying to keep it quiet and private but it was just too much.  God has made it too clear to me what I need to do.

 

I brought my Anointed Messages to bible study and everybody took one.  Rabbi said he wanted everyone to get one and he was confident they would get a word from God.  That was so encouraging.  Then in our prayer circle people shared their messages and they really went with what the lesson was about.  Rabbi was so excited that it blessed me so much!!  I felt good about all the hours I have invested in the messages when I saw people responding so well.  I wish I could take Rabbi with me everywhere with the way he gets fired up in the Holy Ghost.  Lord, I thank You for using me.  Despite all my problems and shortcomings.  It's a privilege.  All day long  Anointed Messages were deposited in my spirit and I kept writing them down, even though I knew I should be doing my progress notes.  I am going to do my [clinical counseling] notes because that's what they pay me for and I don't want to represent God poorly.  But this is a passion.  Lord, I don't know exactly what you have in store for me, but I know it's good and I know it's going to bless many many people. 

 

When China bowed to Mulan in reverence, she still felt humble.  The bowing may have even humbled her more.  All she set out to do is please her father.  That's what I want to do Lord.  I want to please You Father.

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God's Beloved I pray that whatever you do, you do it not for personal glory, but for the love of your Father. I know my testimony isn't over but I must confess that like Mulan, I have encountered many trials along the journey. It all works for good but a lot of it sure felt bad. Yet I know many people have been blessed, and prayerfully many more will be blessed, and most important my Father has not forsaken me. When you honor your Father He will honor you.