One day not very long ago, I received an email from Lucia, a former member. She wrote: "In July 2005, I answered an ad that Hans had posted. On September 9, 2011, after living together in Mexico for five years, we decided to get married. I thought you would like to publish our story." Of course I replied with an enthusiastic yes! And in due course, I received the tale as told by Hans, now aged 69.
Hans and Lucia's profiles from 2005
Lucia: Mexico (Cuauhtemoc) Generous, respectful, creative thinker, understanding 55, widowed guapa Mexicana with all her passion, joy and leftist political concerns, currently finishing doctoral-degree studies, would like a compaņero who shines for himself, would love to live in Mexico, and takes care of his health even when imperfect, to share a profound dialogue, our cariņo, and my sustainable project with indigenous children.
Hans: Massachusetts (Boston Area) Scientist / engineer, 62, retired, avid reader, politically progressive, fervent lover of nature and outdoor sports, seeks thoughtful compassionate companionship.
In the Beginning
Lucia and I first corresponded shortly after my previous wife left me to return to her native Venezuela. I had just reached early retirement age of 62, and all that prevented me from following her to Venezuela was the house in Waltham, Massachusetts, that I was saddled with.
I had had previous good experiences with Concerned Singles. Through them I had always encountered quite exceptional (well-read, intellectual, left-wing) women, though these encounters had not led to lasting relationships. At that time, I probably was not ready.
Starting Over
Now, in my grief, I again turned to Concerned Singles. Having learned some Spanish, I indicated in my profile that Latinas were welcome. Sure enough, I got an almost immediate and promising response, from a Lucia whose grandmother had been a Gringa, who was looking for me to be, if not in good health, at least mindful of it, and for me to be eventually willing to settle in Mexico. I answered (in mostly error-free Spanish) that I had no greater ambition or life-dream than to settle in the shadow of the volcanoes with a "mexicana bonita."
When we got around to talking on the phone, I could not help lamenting the loss of the Venezuelana and boasting how wondrously handsome I had been as a youngster. After this turnoff for her, I managed to rent out my house and set off for Venezuela, where I worked on an ecological farm for half a year hoping to eventually reunite with my ex.
During this period, Lucia and I continued to correspond in a sporadic and disinterested way. We had much in common on the environment and we shared a deeply rooted left-wing life orientation. What most attracted me in our correspondence was Lucia's warmth and concern for people. This is someone with heart, I said to myself. Neither flippant nor a scheming nest-maker as were many that I had met in the United States and Europe.
Face to Face at Last
Giving up on the Venezuelana, I decided to return to Waltham by way of Mexico City. Upon approaching Lucia at the airport I sajd to myself, "Now this is a possibility." That next day, at the Frida Kahlo Blue House, after having visited the Trotsky museum, I told her casually (and calculatingly) what wonderfully expressive eyes she had. I did not comment yet on her immediately captivating smile. We became lovers the next day.
Lucia truly enjoys being with people. Working for others is the very fiber of her being. Lucia's ambition was to settle down in some remote spot in Mexico and there found and direct an orphanage for abused and neglected children. The remote impoverished village worked out, and we spent four years there. Recently Lucia has been assisting as a remedial teacher at an orphanage in the far more mundane town (in the shadow of the volcanoes, full of first-world expatriates) where we have now settled.
How They Make It Work
Relationships are never easy. In fact they are constant work (I have been corralled into numerous therapies). We eternally young seniors are quite settled in our ways. Our first conflict happened immediately after our second encounter (when Lucia came to Waltham to help me sell the house) and the same issues (hygiene, health, family, command authority, priorities both short and long term) have plagued us ever since. Nonetheless we have endured by dint of sheer determination and ego-effacing compromise. Our underlying deep affection and mutual attraction -- we are now almost fused -- has buoyed us through. And we have set a course and style of life that is congruent with our ethical and political ideals. And to top it all off we got married in time for this Valentine's Day.
LUCIA & HANS
