The Wound of Wonder 

            When I was young, there was a field across the street that the men of the village would flood every winter.  It would freeze and would be used for the season as a skating pond. The town in which I grew up was tiny; in fact, there were only thirty-two in my graduation class. Yet, despite the size, there were still opportunities for communal activities and ice skating was one which was popular.

            Many evenings after dinner and washing dishes, off I'd go, often skating alone. I wouldn't be out for long because it was dark and the cold was numbing. The snow sparkled under the one streetlight and the sky mirrored the sparkle with a show of the winter constellations. Sights and sounds of the night are magnified in the memory so that even today I can remember the sound of the blades on the ice, the breath hanging in the air like hoarfrost, and the boots squeaking on the snow.

            If you've opened yourself to experience some moments of beauty in life, you will recognize this same movement of beauty across the span of life and name it: wonder. Why is this so important for the soul? It is important because it returns your heart to a place of learning which bypasses the intellect. The heart searches for, and is aware of, moments of great beauty and wonder which can still be received, if we simply pause. We honor wonder because it stills the mind, orders our impulses, and calms our egotistic cravings. In one fell swoop the heart recognizes it belongs to more than its solitary beat; it beats in syncope with a more creative being. This revelation leaves us wounded, ripped open to receive pure grace. Just for one moment the balm of wonder washes over the wound, cleanses the psyche of skepticism and fear, and leaves us bathed by a divine beneficence. In that instant we remember something which our efforts and achievements fail to reclaim, "He looked at all He had made and He found it very good." (Gen. 1:31)

                                                     --by Mary Wilder

Mary Wilder lives in San Antonio, Texas. A registered nurse, Mary continues to assist in healing by giving retreats and being engaged in the practice of spiritual direction. She received her Master of Arts in Spirituality from Oblate School of Theology. Contact her at marjacwilder@earthlink.net.