March  2009
Issue No. 13
Thanks to You!

We are so excited! Recently,, a national parenting resource website had a Parent's Choice Award Contest through their local site,

Kristi Miller of Solutions in Parenting gained honorable mention for the best Family Therapist/Life Coach and Solutions in Parenting was deemed Noteworthy Mention for providing the best New Parent/Infant Classes and the best Parenting Education Classes in Santa Barbara, California!

We are deeply honored to know that you all are positively affected by the work we do. More importantly, we are most honored to be associated with all of the hardworking families who are brave enough to choose to take us with them on their parenting journeys.

Our hats are off to you!


Love is in the Air

Spring is on its way, and with it comes warmer weather, your children's deepening friendships/relationships, the birds, the bees...

Inevitably, during this time of year, we get many questions from parents about when is the right time to begin talking to their kids about sex. Are they too young to hear about it? What do I say? What don't I say?

The fact is, it can be hard to know when to have "the talk" with your kids. But believe it or not, your children have been receiving sexual messages since birth. By the time they are in elementary school, their ideas and wonderings are well underway. There is simply no way of avoiding the inevitable discussion of sex and sexuality.

An important point to remember when contemplating your angle, is to know that the kids who understand the real meanings of sex and sexuality, are better able to have loving, whole, healthy relationships later in life. Sexuality has many different facets, and therefore, parents will serve their children well to include all parts of a person's sexuality and not concentrate on just the "sex" part.

Kids of all ages need to learn the correct information about all of the topics they hear about or observe directly in their lives. For example, many very young children will be aware of the concepts of love, pregnancy, marriage, divorce and loving connections with friends. Older children most likely have heard about AIDS, pregnancy, sexual abuse, homosexuality, puberty, sex and kissing of all kinds. Certainly even older kids will be exposed to all of the above, PLUS their own strong sexual feelings as well as those of other kids around them.

Parents need to be the ones to share this knowledge with their kids, so they can establish a channel of open communication at home where kids can count on receiving the correct information.

Following are some tips to remember when talking to kids about sexuality:

1.  Don't be afraid to answer their questions. Keep the information as simple and as age appropriate as possible and then move deeper from there if they are still curious. Remember to approach this topic with simple, honest and useful information.

2.  Look for opportunities to talk about sexuality. Talk to your children not just about "sex", but about the whole picture of being human. Talk about the body parts using the correct terminology, personal hygiene, maleness/femaleness, emotions and communication.

3.  You don't have to be a sex-expert.  Stick to the basics of what you do understand, and find the answers to the things you don't.  Have a stockpile of reliable and appropriate books and other resources you can reference alone or with your child to find out what you don't know.

4.  You don't have to answer the questions you are not comfortable answering.  Everyone has his or her own issues about sex and sexuality. If it is painfully uncomfortable to answer questions, you can pass the questions to a co-parent, a trusted family member, or a close friend to get the required information to your child.

Most of all, remember that if your kids are not receiving accurate, honest and open information about sex and sexuality from you, they may turn to their peers instead. Chances are, their peers are no better educated than they are on these matters.

Give your children the gift of information so they may experience what it feels like to be loving, self-assured, and eventually intimate adults.

Pssst. Do you notice that we look a little different? We are always expanding and trying new things to meet our needs as well as yours. What do you think of our new look? Let us know, we are always curious.

Monthly Parenting Challenge

How do you handle the questions about sex from your kids? Do you put them off? Are you uncomfortable talking with them about sex?

Your feelings about the topics of sex and sexuality, usually have to do with you and how you were raised. Your values, your past and your expectations for you child are all inter-related.

Take some time this month and think deeply about how sex and sexuality were handled when you were a child. How and where did you learn about yourself as a sexual person?

Use the tips to the left to guide you through any situations that may arise.

Let us know how it goes, we are always curious.

We Hear You

"My five-year old seems totally obsessed with guns. He points his finger at me and pretends to shoot me in my face when I am talking to him. What should I do?"

boys guns

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Meet Kristi Miller

Kristi Miller, MA, CAPI, and Solutions in Parenting Founder, is a Certified Aware Parenting Instructor and Parenting Consultant who offers a distinctive form of parent education coupled with hands-on training for parents and their families. For more than a decade, Kristi has been dedicated to a specialized form of parent education she developed which honors and encourages parents and helps them define and maintain their own personal styles. This, in turn, allows children to thrive in a loving and collaborative environment.
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