Back when, I was on my own personal fertility journey, my good friend and her husband experienced a miscarriage. All the girlfriends rallied and brought dinner, gifts, flowers and nurturing items to our friend.
I will never forget an exchange I had with her husband... We were alone in the kitchen and he whispered to me, "Amy (name changed) has received so many thoughtful cards, flowers and support, What about me?"
James was suffering in silence. I was so grateful for his braveness to share how he was feeling with me, in the stillness of the kitchen as I waited for the tea water to boil for Amy, I felt like the most insensitive person on the planet. I hugged James and said I was sorry and asked if I could do anything for him.
Can I do anything for you?
In my humble opinion is kind of a lame question because it puts the burden of thinking clearly on the person who may be in crisis and can't necessarily think clearly enough to provide an answer. The male heart is open but covered with a protective armor that may sometimes feel impenetrable but there is a kink in the armor that needs permission from the male to be shown and the female to be receptive to bear witness to their "weakness" without judgment.
The power of the option! What I have found is that if you ask an opened ended question to a male the answer might be a quick yes or no... but if you present something with options it triggers the fix it part of the brain and the real need will be revealed.
For example:
Would it help you right now if I made you a cup of tea too or perhaps you would like that you were left alone?
I hope you found my story I've shared above helpful and will join me for a free teleworkshop on Monday, June 20th at 6pm. E-Mail me for call-in details and any questions you may have.
Blessings,
Kristen Magnacca, Author of Love & Infertility
[email protected]