As if figuring out how to interact with your own children when they are acting out isn't hard enough, every now and then you come across a situation when it isn't your child who is acting out, it's someone else's. Then the question becomes, what should I tell their parents?

First of all, don't hesitate to contact other parents if you think there may be a problem with how your children are interacting. Under the old adage, "It takes a village," being in contact with the parents of your child's friends keeps everyone in the loop and on hand to help raise the group of children together (so to speak). Parents tend to avoid talking to other parents or if they do get in touch, the tone can be aggressive, which is not ideal. You can count on a parent being defensive if you blame their child for being the cause of problems. However, if you approach the parent with a sense of community, they will be more open to listening to your feedback and working with you to prevent the problem from happening again. For example, instead of saying, "Susie has been a real bully to my daughter, you should really do something about it," try, "Susie and my daughter have had some trouble getting along, how do you think we should handle it?" Trying the latter allows the conversation to continue and the other parent to not feel blamed.

Do acknowledge and respect there are many parenting styles and most likely, all the parents of your child's friends will not share your style. For example, the level at which parents tend to intervene in their children's lives varies. Keeping this in mind, the purpose of you coming to a parent about a problem behavior is not so they will handle it with their child the same way you would. Your purpose in coming to them is to share the information so they can make their own decision.

Speaking of sharing information, do not assume you have the whole story of what happened between your children. When you approach a parent, acknowledge that you are only hearing your child's side and it may or may not have played out the exact way it was reported to you. Make the point of the conversation to get more information from the other parent so together you can figure out how to help your children behave differently in the future.

Deciding what behavior is worthy of a phone call (which is preferable to email in this case because the tone of these conversations is very important) to other parents is not always clear, but a simple rule of thumb is: contact the parent if there is a behavior you would like someone to let you know about if it were your child or if it is a behavior that you would be interested in stopping if it were your child. A clear indication you should talk to a child's parents is if you find yourself talking badly about that child to other parents. Spreading negativity about a child among other parents certainly does not support a community vision to raising children and can isolate the child, which often makes bad behavior worse.