| Welcome
By this point in February you are probably fed up of hearing about Valentines day. As a welcomed antedote to hearing about love and romance, this month's newsletter is about a totally different emotion......fear.
A large part of my work with clients is helping them to overcome their fears; whether it be fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of looking stupid or fear of being successful. As a coach it is very important for me to walk my own talk, so I recently decided to bite the bullet and finally overcome my own fear...... of spiders!
Overcoming my fear was an incredible experience, more than that it gave me some powerful insights into how we do fear.
Read on to learn more about how fear could be showing up for you in your life and the negative impact it could be having.
Warm Regards
Nicky
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| Overcoming fear |
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I'm not sure how long I had been doing fear of spiders but it goes back as far as I can remember. At particular times of the year my life used to be controlled by these little creatures and their tendency to come and squat in my home.
It is important for me to be authentic with my clients, so how could I truly help them to overcome their fears if I was not willing to tackle mine? So I asked my good friend and NLP * trainer Tony Burgess to help me to overcome my fear of spiders.
 The process of overcoming my fear was fascinating and it is called 'systematic desensitization'. A big word which simply means gradually exposing yourself to the thing you fear the most and becoming more comfortable with it.
So Tony had kindly collected four jars of spiders which I spent time with; becoming gradually more and more comfortable with them.
I reached the point of putting the spider from the first jar into my hand and allowing it to crawl freely and happily over me. Brilliant, I had overcome my fear of spiders......or so I thought.
What happened at this point gave me a truly invaluable insight into how we do fear and how we can deceive ourselves unknowingly.
*Neuro Linguistic Programming - how to use and programme the language of the mind to consistently achieve specific and desired outcomes |
| Fear and deception |
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After holding the first spider I told myself I was cured of my fear. I proceeded to thank Tony for his time and expertise and got ready to leave. It was at this point I had deceived myself.
The way in which most of us do fear is that we avoid the things that we are most fearful of. Avoidance behaviour can be detected by the little things that we do to avoid something we fear - it is akin to us lying or tricking ourselves.
I had tricked myself into believing I was cured, with the sole purpose of not having to open the three remaining jars with spiders in them. My conditioned behaviour of avoiding the spiders was still there!
Tony, with all his great wisdom, knew this; he kindly (but firmly) encouraged me to continue with the process.
Not only did I overcome my fear or spiders, I also learnt firsthand the powerful ways in which we will deceive ourselves into avoiding the things we fear the most. |
| Are you deceiving yourself? |
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Avoidance behaviour is an unconscious process, so the chances are you don't even realise that you are doing it.
- Are you procrastinating - putting off doing something because it is difficult?
- Do you constantly tell yourself you are too busy to do the things you really want to do?
- Perhaps you fool yourself into thinking you just want an 'easy life' and that your goals and ambitions are just dreams that would complicate your life?
 Whatever way in which you do avoidance, the effect is the same, you become trapped by your fear. Effectively you become imprisoned by your invisible self-deception.
If you would like help in identifying your avoidance behaviours and overcoming your fears please contact me:
T: +44 (0)1902 895310
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| Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone |
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| The process of overcoming your fears involves pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. What can you do to push yourself out of your comfort zone on a consistent basis?
My own personal and professional development means that I am continually seeking new ways to push myself out of my comfort zone. Later this month I will be doing a firewalk in aid of Cancer Research UK. This involved me walking on a bed of red hot coals burning at temperatures of over 1200 degrees Fahrenheit! There is nothing like pushing yourself out of your comfort zone for charity! J
If you would like to support me in raising as much money as possible for Cancer Research UK, please take a look at the following website:
I hope this inspires you to come up with your own way of growing and expanding your comfort zone. |
