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| Greetings! |
If your parents became ill or incapacitated, would you know what to do or where to turn for help? At a moment's notice we may be called upon to help our parents or other aging family members deal with our increasingly complex financial, health and legal systems.
We asked geriatic social worker Stephanie Erickson to give us some tips on what to look out for and where to start if our parents need assistance as they age. Also check out Karin's article on the financial and legal considerations so you can get started on your own Care Giving action plan.
One of the concerns many of us have as our parents age is the issue of fraud. On a personal note of caution, I received a voicemail last week from a man who said he was from Canada Revenue Agency and asked me to call back with my social insurance number. It sounded fishy to me so I called the official tax department phone number and - sure enough - they told me the call I received was a scam.
Please pass this info along to your friends and family so they don't get caught.
While you're thinking about the financial and legal issues for your parents, this is also a good time for you to review to see if you have your own financial house in order. Not sure?
Register for our free Build Your Own Financial Plan Preview Teleclass and learn what you need to know about planning for a secure future.
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Aging Parents - Reversing the Roles
by Karin Mizgala
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 I'm not sure when it happened, but sometime a few years ago I realized that tables were turning in my relationship with my parents. Although still extremely healthy and vibrant 70 years olds, my parents were starting to ask me for advice and I could feel a subtle shift in the power balance. I didn't (and still don't) feel ready for what's likely to come - but whoever is?
Most of the children of aging parents that I know are busy, stressed and ill-equipped to deal with the added time and financial demands of caring for elderly parents. And often the need to step in comes during a crisis. Needless to say, this isn't a great time to make the emotional, financial and legal decisions that are often necessary.
If at all possible, have a conversation with your parents early. Find out what your parents have in mind for their future, get a sense of where they stand financially and get an idea of the role that you and siblings might be called upon to play. None of these points is easy to talk about and there is a need to be sensitive and to respect your parents need for privacy, dignity and sense of control.
Here are some simple guidelines to help in developing a "Care-Giving Plan of Action":
- Start your dialogue with parents and siblings as soon as possible - strive for practicality and openness. Remind yourself, and each other, that these issues will eventually have to be faced - and that it is best to be prepared well in advance.
- One of the chief objectives of your plan should be to maintain your parents' self-esteem and a degree of personal independence. Studies have shown that most seniors want to stay in their own homes as long as possible.
- Get informed. Find out what services and assistance is available in your community. Local senior's centres can provide a wealth of information and advice.
- Get a sense of your parents' financial capacity and their desires. Do they have enough money to cover medical expenses, the costs of home care or a retirement home? Do they have a retirement community in mind? Would they like to live nearer to you or other family?
- Find out where your parents keep financial and legal documents. You don't need to know all the details unless there's a crisis, but know how to access the information quickly and easily if something does happen.
- Find out if your parents have up to date wills, powers of attorney and health care directives.
- Create a list of names and contact information for doctors, lawyers, accountants, brokers, financial planners, bankers, etc.
Don't be discouraged if you try to broach the topic with your parents and it's a non-starter. Be patient and gently persistent. (It took a couple of glasses of red wine to get the conversation going with my Dad!)
Knowing where your parents stand on these issues and having a plan in place will save your family much grief later.
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Parenting my Parents:
Where Do I Start? by Stephanie Erickson, MSW
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 When we were young children, we looked to our parents to tell us right from wrong, to make decisions for us and to protect us. As we became a young adult, our relationship to our parents became different. We still turned to our parents, but more for guidance and support. Never did we imagine or expect that one day we would be the parent to our parent. When did it happen? When was the shift? Now we are the ones in the "worry seat."
As a geriatric social worker, I get calls from adult children expressing concern about their parents and looking for guidance. My clients say things to me like:
"I'm so worried about my mom living alone. She keeps falling."
"Last time I was at my dad's house, he asked me to look at some of his mail and I saw that he hasn't paid the electricity in three months."
"I've tried to talk to my parents about getting someone into the home to help them but they just won't discuss it."
Where do you start?
1. First, take a detailed inventory of all of the areas that you have observed to be of concern. Use the following categories: - Memory (short term, long term, immediate)
- Orientation problems (time, day, year, people, location)
- Judgment and decision making
- Safety concerns (isolation, driving, medication errors, leaving the stove on, etc.)
- Ambulation (falls, assisted devices)
- Hygiene
- Appetite and meal preparation
- Medication issues
- Existing relationships and contact with others
- Financial management
2. Locate an existing power of attorney to ensure your parents' assets and personal affairs are protected. If not, consult an attorney or notary and a financial advisor immediately and encourage your parent to draft these documents.
3. Contact your local community agency and share your "inventory" with your contact. Ask about community services available to meet the identified needs. What are the processes for finding an assisted living or full nursing care environment? What are the costs?
4. Is your parent a veteran? Contact the Veteran's Affairs office to assess what services are available and what your parent can benefit from.
5. Do a search on line to access your provincial, state or federal government website. You may have government sponsored programs or funding available to assist you.
6. Consider hiring a private geriatric social worker to conduct a complete psychosocial evaluation and assist you in accessing appropriate resources. If you do not live in the same city as your parent, this is a great resource to have. Do a search on-line to locate a local referral. Or, ask a community agency for a referral to a private social worker. The local hospital social workers may also have a referral.
7. Research available support services in your area. In terms of supportive services, depending on if your parent is autonomous, semi-autonomous or dependent, there are different services available. You can look at home care support, a retirement community, assisted living, board and care, or a full care nursing facility. You can find these resources with a search on-line, or a private, community or hospital social worker can provide referrals.
Once you have an idea of what your parent needs and what is available, you can begin to discuss or continue your discussions, sharing your concerns with your parent. I find that with most of my clients, this is the most difficult area.
Contact me to sign up for my newsletter and read my upcoming article on how to initiate difficult topics with your parents. If you have further questions or are interested in tools to help you assess and organize your parent's affairs, feel free to contact me directly.
www.ericksonresource.com
stephanie@ericksonresource.com
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| Upcoming WFLC Workshop and Events |
 Socially Responsible Money
- Join us for a teleclass of dialogue and idea sharing on how to
activate the opportunity you have to make a difference - with every
dollar you make, spend and invest. Wed. Jan 13th from 6:30-8:00 pm PST.Socially Responsible Investing - Learn how to invest with wisdom so you can achieve financial independence, realize your most cherished dreams and support the causes you passionately believe in. Sat. Feb. 6th 2010 from 10:00am - 4:00pm PST in VancouverBuild Your Own Financial Plan FREE-Preview Teleclass- Dial in to this free-preview teleclass to learn how to make smart financial decisions and to see if the Build Your Own Financial Plan program is for you. Register for the next class and we'll also send you the audio recording from our last preview teleclass! Wed. March 3rd 2010 Sheila's Debt-Free Challenge - Why spend one more day wondering when you will ever get out of debt? Learn to manage your spending and create a plan to get out and stay out of debt! Classes in Vancouver start Tues. Mar 9th 2010. Not sure if the Debt-Free Challenge classes are for you? Sign up for our Debt-Free Challenge FREE-Preview Teleclass on Tues. Feb 9th 2010 from 7:00-8:00 pm PST.
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Feel free to call us if we can help in any way or if you would like to discuss which one of our programs would best suit your needs. We'd love to hear from you!
Sincerely,
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Karin and Sheila
Karin Mizgala 604-880-4143
Sheila Walkington 604-716-5375 |
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