It's been ten years since Trevor and I said, "We do." I'm so grateful that we did, and that we still "do." 

For some couples ten years is but a drop in the marital bucket. Others can't see past the wedding plans looming ahead. I can barely grasp that length of time in relation to being married. They have been good years, hard years, frustrating years, and joyful years. Mostly importantly, they've been loyal years.

Trevor is vastly different from me. He's quiet, introspective, thoughtful, and always careful. I don't know a stranger. I'm loud, rarely careful, and overly sensitive. He is intensely private and I think privacy is for the birds. He keeps me in line and I keep him moving. He measures; I guess. He is the reliable, handy navigator and I'm the chatty, friendly tour guide. Yet despite our many differences, Trevor is the safest harbor for my sensitive soul on this side of Heaven. It is as God wisely intended. "And the Lord God said, 'It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him'" (Genesis 2:18 NKJV).

Our marriage is far from perfect. My noise and emotion can overwhelm while his silence and indifference can confuse. And that's why the power source of our marriage must be our Savior. God intended for us to be married, but with Jesus at the center of our hearts and our lives.

Many years ago God gave me a beautiful picture of marriage. His perfect version of marriage, not the Godless, under-valued, self-based version many recognize today. Trevor and I weren't married yet. My mind couldn't fathom the life-long fullness of marriage and the unyielding responsibility of the vows we would speak. But I've come to cherish this beautiful picture of marriage - marriage as God intended.

Picture a garden full with spring and brimming with the promise of summer. A stone border surrounds the garden, still bare but longing for green cover. It's late April, nearly May. Rain and storms come and go and green is bursting onto the scene. Tiny spots of color are appearing and the vague scent of flowers is warming up the memory and washing away winter's chill. Inside the border of large stones are various mounds of freshly dug soil. The smell of dirt is startling and somehow intoxicating. A wide variety of seeds was recently planted and rest comfortably in their new dirt home, hidden but ready for bursting.

The focal point of the small garden is two trellises standing against one side of an old, worn shed. The shed defines the garden on one of its three sides. The crooked door is often open and the walls are weather-beaten, the paint fading and peeling. Its color is indistinguishable. A single window pane is splintered, veins of glass barely holding their place in the frame. A large brown spider, energized by summer's imminent arrival, tends to her new web under a small eave on the roof.

The wise gardener searched all winter to find the perfect vines to plant in front of the two bare trellises. On the right he plants a dark green, sturdy vine that by summer's bright beginning will bloom with a few large purple flowers. These elusive flowers will open only to dawn's first light and be closed by noon's glare.

The trellis on the left will eventually be covered with a light green, fast-spreading vine with small leaves whose roots need daily water. The tiny yellow flowers on this vine bloom all day and will be innumerable. They're petite and delicate and a favorite of butterflies and bees alike.

The gardener has taken all this into account and chose the dark-leaved, purple-flowered plant carefully, for it needs little water and will not be affected by the yellow-flowered vine's desperate need for extra moisture. In turn, the many small yellow flowers will one day serve as cover for the light-sensitive petals of the purple-flowered vine.

They are a good match and the gardener plants them with great care and anticipation. He waits until the season is right, the warm weather has arrived and the soil is fertile. Yet immediately upon planting the tiny vines look and act differently. The dark-leaved, purple-flowered plant is a slow grower, spreading out along the bottom of the trellis. Its instinct is sturdy roots and a thick base and it shies away from bright sunlight. It has yet to flower.

The light-colored, tiny-leaved vine grows quickly, efficiently, drinking in the daily moisture and growing only up. The sides of its trellis remain bare as it grows straight up the middle. Its growth is so fast that soon it's nearly a foot higher than the dark-leaved vine. Delicate yellow flowers bloom three days after planting. But the dark-leaved vine is filling in slowly and surely and has begun to spread across. Its thick, sturdy branches are reaching up to the sun but also toward the other trellis, and the two vastly different vines begin to come together.

One month after they're planted a large purple flower finally blooms in the early morning, nudging up against the copious butter-yellow flowers of its neighbor. At the same time the thinner, more delicate branches of the small-leaved vine are beginning to rest on the stronger, sturdier vines of its neighbor.

The gardener works diligently throughout the summer, trimming and pruning as needed. A bare, stray branch is cut here and a dying vine is trimmed there. Useless branches are snipped off in order to increase and guide the vines' growth, direction, and beauty. During the diligent pruning process the light green and dark green leaves have entwined, filling in and reaching upward while winding around each other. Individual flower's branches are indistinguishable as the two vines blossom simultaneously in summer's bright light. 

Slowly, the trellises holding the two vines begin to disappear. The dark-leaved vine has grown around both trellises, acting as an anchor and supporting the weaker light-leaved vine's branches. The light-leaved vine is constantly reaching upward, in turn bringing along its neighbor and spreading upward toward the sunlight. There are dozens of small yellow flowers to each large purple flower and the colors mixed together are shockingly vibrant. The flowers open upward, aimed at the life-giving sunlight. When it rains, the dark-leaved plant is slow to absorb the water, allowing the light-leaved vine all the moisture it needs to survive, grow and flourish.

Together the two vines have survived the summer heat, the raging storms and the occasional, necessary trimming by the gardener. The vines are completely entwined, their branches mingled securely and the flowers layered sweetly like butterfly stairs. What was once separate and entirely different has become a new, unique creation."Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24 NKJV).

In the ten years of our marriage Trevor and I have learned that we must grow together toward the Son, otherwise our growth will be uncontrolled and random. Without Jesus guiding us, our branches might reach toward a hidden shadow rather than Life-giving Light. When our eyes are on the Light coming from above and we're pruned regularly by the Master Gardener, then our coupled vines will continue to reach heavenward - together - toward the Son.

~Kerry Johnson

"The Lord said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him'" (Gen 2:18 NIV).

My marriage is in trouble. It all started a few years ago, when I drifted away from...Diet Coke. Mark and I were both in it for the long haul with our addiction to Diet Coke. But one day at a fast-food restaurant I was forced to drink Diet Pepsi because they didn't have Coke products...and I liked it! Now this was the real thing! The war was on.

Depending on who's doing the shopping, our refrigerator is either stocked with Coke or Pepsi products. I know it probably sounds selfish of me to keep bringing Pepsi home, but since Mark doesn't have a clue what's good for him, and I do, I have to make these tough decisions myself. I'm just taking care of my man! After all, isn't the woman the 'helper' mentioned in the above scripture? One day Mark will finally discover the real thing, and I'll be doing the I- told- you- so dance.

Some people read that scripture about the woman being a helper, and they put the woman in her place, tout de suite. She's supposed to be barefoot and pregnant, and work like a slave doing laundry, cooking and cleaning, right? Wait a New York minute. Isn't the husband expected to help out once in a while too? A healthy marriage takes two helpers (as long as one of the two isn't Hamburger Helper).

The dictionary's definition of helper: "an extra locomotive attached to a train at the front, middle, or rear, to provide extra power for climbing a steep grade" (Dictionary.com). I'm sorry, but I'm too weak and fragile to be pushing a locomotive around. That sounds like a job for a man. So just what is the husband supposed to do?

"In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church-for we are members of his body. 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.'" (Eph 5:28-31 NIV). So it stands to reason if the two are one, we should help each other.

A wise mentor once said that a husband is like the soldier at the front line of war. He shoulders the brunt of the battle, protecting his wife and keeping her safe. Isn't that beautiful? Here's a mental picture to drive home the point: the next time we go camping, my husband, Mark, will take off his shirt and forge his way through the woods ahead of me, so the mosquitoes never make it past the front line. Hey, I warned you it was a mental picture!

Here's an even better picture of the servant husband, right out of the Bible. As Jesus was making preparations for the last supper, He instructed Peter and John to look for the man carrying a jar of water, and ask if they could use the man's upper room for the Passover (Luke 22:10). My NIV study notes read: "It was extraordinary to see a man carrying a jar of water, since this was normally woman's work." Guess what? This was the man Jesus chose to host His dinner party.

Even in modern day America, we find it extraordinary to see men doing women's work. There are still lots of men in my family alone who fill their bellies at Thanksgiving, and then retreat to the den to watch football, leaving the women (who cooked the meal) to clean up the mess afterward. There is only one man in my family who you will find carrying dirty dishes to the sink, and that would be my husband, the official postmodern water jar carrier.

So there you have it, the evidence is in. The husband and wife are to serve each other. How's your marriage? Is it all give and take, with more taking than giving? God can bring balance to that equation, but He might be expecting a little help on your part. You be nice and help your mate! That's what I had to do. But don't make me give up my Diet Pepsi. Anything but that!

~ Deborah Erdmann

Deborah is first and foremost a friend of God. She is also a wife, mother and grandmother. God has called Deborah to write humorous devotionals, and a book is currently in the making. She is also a featured writer for her local newspaper, contributing articles on coffee and God, with that same brand of humor. Deborah has 3 blog sites, each with a specific purpose to glorify God: Heavenly Humor is her main blog, where she shares her heart and humor. Markings in the Wood is a place to go for solitude and rest in God's Presence. And Poetry & Paradise where she dabbles in poetry.

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I've been convicted of two things lately: one, that I run from difficulty; and two, I am incredibly selfish.

If you think about it, it really all comes down to that I am incredibly selfish. I run from difficulty because I want to be comfortable. I want to be comfortable because I am selfish.

Amusingly, I thought I was a pretty selfless person....that is, until I got married. Just a little over a year ago-Oh! How blind I was! But, God is using marriage to break me of my selfishness and make me more like Christ. It is painful, but also worth it!

Looking back on my singleness, I realize much of my desire to be married was selfish. Sure, I knew in my head that marriage isn't a cake walk, that I was called to serve my spouse, that it wouldn't cure my loneliness, etc. But in my heart I still believed that marriage would be great because it would cure my loneliness-at least most of it. I would always have a BFF and someone to talk to and hang out with and to cuddle. Also, I would have a person who would protect me. Basically, I wanted to be coddled.

Don't get me wrong. Marriage is great and Jeff is my best friend and we enjoy many moments of cuddling, laughing and hanging out. But marriage is great for different reasons than I thought - it is making me more like Christ. And though that is great, it is also painful. So marriage isn't for the faint-hearted or for those who want to be coddled.

God is SO GOOD. Had I known this fully about marriage and had I known the depths of my selfishness, I probably would have run the other way. I would have thought I wasn't ready.

 But, obviously, God thought I was ready because He made it very clear to me that I was supposed to marry Jeff. He is gracious to have kept me subconsciously and blissfully ignorant!

He did answer my prayer-not just my prayer to be married, but a different prayer. When I was about 23 years old, I heard a speaker talk about singleness. She challenged us to pray this prayer: "Lord, do not take the gift of singleness away from me until You have done all You can in and through me with my singleness."

This thought terrified me: What if God NEVER is done using my singleness? I had to come to terms with the truth that that would be OK. I could be happy and content with singleness for the rest of my life. And no, that is not when God brought Jeff to me. (I HATE it when people say stuff like, "When I learned to be content, that is when I met my husband!" bleh.)

There was no "arriving" at any level. Every day I prayed that prayer. Some days, I truly meant it and some days God had to work in the depths of my heart for me to lay my desires to be married on the altar. I had seasons when I was content and joyful and LOVED being single and seasons when I really struggled and just wanted to be married.

And then God brought Jeff to me--in the midst of the seasons. Now I see how God really did answer my "Singleness Prayer." He was done using singleness in my life to make me more like Christ. It was time to use marriage.

It's not exactly a fairy tale, but it's my story that God is writing. I love the Author of my life because He is so good and perfect and knows exactly what is right for me. I am thankful for my time being single and I am thankful to be married to a man who loves God and is stumbling after Him with me though we are both far from perfect. I am thankful that my heart is in a place of gratefulness today. Now onto that selfishness...

I'm reading the book of Jeremiah, where the big battle is Israel's adoration for idols, and I thought about what an idol really is. Anything that captures all of your attention and thought life is really an idol - a fact didn't like. I realized that I centered my life on my husband and considered him first in everything. 

Through a great amount of struggling in my soul and many intense prayer times with God about idols, I admitted that Jon had become an idol and that it was time for a change. An idol sounds so evil, but it's just whatever you give all your attention to that's not God. It sounds like an easy switch, but it was difficult to make the actual, real heart change; and I even made a covenant with God that He would forever be my focus, my #1 love, my center circuit board. I staked out a claim and committed myself to it.

I saw the movie "Secretariat" and in the last race the horse gained so much speed he ran far, far ahead of all the other horses. I pictured my love and focus on the Lord moving out far, far ahead and beyond my love for anyone else, even my precious husband and daughter. I asked God to actually rewire me to be connected to Him and that He would come first in all things. I asked that God would be my first consideration before inputting data into my brain and that all my processing would begin with Him.

I noticed many Bible leaders who lived their life that way. When King David sinned with Bathsheba and prayed for God's forgiveness, he said that he sinned against God and God alone.  I would have thought the sin was to Uriah who lost his life over it, but David was connected to God first. When Goliath was taunting the armies of God, David's view was that Goliath was taunting God Himself. When David approached the giant in battle, he believed that God would defeat the giant, not he alone. When Joseph revealed his identity to his brothers and his brothers repented for selling him into slavery, Joseph replied not to worry-that it was the Lord who sent him on ahead of them to save them from the famine. These men had the upper viewpoint. They were first connected to the Lord and what was happening with everyone else came second.

I knew I needed this viewpoint, and although I cried out for it and made a claim on it, I had no idea how to attain it. I realized that my view of myself was from the reflection in other people's eyes. I practically kicked myself and said, "What am I doing?" My identity needs to be the reflection in God's eyes only. I had a revelation that I was picking up signals of my identity in the eyes of people I cared about, but they're only people. And they're all different, and they have problems of their own that skew their prospective. 

My parents split up when I was a kid, and my mom always spoke poorly of my dad. Years later he remarried his second wife, and she always said wonderful things about him. I thought about how the same man, with the same character and behaviors, could be viewed totally different by these two women he was married to-same man but opposite viewpoints.

I thought about how much daughter loves and adores me, and she tells me so every day.  Then I thought about how my son has virtually divorced me, rejected me, and tossed me out of his life. I was just as loving to my son as I am to my daughter. I'm the same mom. I shared my heart with him each day and told him how much I loved him, I spent quality time with him each day, and had fun with him-all of which I do now with my daughter. There's no difference; I'm the same mother and the same person, but I'm viewed totally different by my two kids. If my identity is based on what other people think, whom do I believe?

If our identity is based on the opinions of our loved ones, it is dependent on their imperfect perspectives. People's perspectives are based on their own life experiences. When I was growing up, my mother had a lot of mood swings. I never knew if I was loved by my mother or not. Reading the signals, her love for me seemed to change all the time. I find I still have the same thoughts about her today, and she's 84! 

When my husband has mood swings, I often picture myself picking petals from a daisy saying, "He loves me; he loves me not."  How crazy is that? But there it is, locked in my brain.  The pattern was set while growing up with my mother, and I continued that way of thinking with the rest of my relationships. My husband doesn't understand why I would think he doesn't love me just because he's in a negative mood, but that precedent was set long ago. 

The bottom line is that I shouldn't allow people to set a pattern or play a role in my identity at all. God created me, and it's He who knows me better than any human, and it's He who has THE plan for my life, which He intends to carry out. I just have to fix my eyes on the image of me that's reflected in HIS eyes and carry on. God's opinion really matters when the rubber meets the road.  Now every day I pray to be able to see myself in God's eyes and no one else.  He has the perfect prospective. 

"She gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: 'You are the God who sees me,' for she said, 'I have now seen the One who sees me'" (Genesis 16:13 NIV).

Over the past few years, my family relationships have gone through extreme challenges. The ups and downs have caused me to examine what these relationships are really made of and even question them. God has been bringing up some issues that I didn't want to look at. He has caused me to look at where my focus; and although I knew the answer should be Jesus, I had to admit it was really my husband and my daughter. Together God and I took a look at my focus on Jon. I realized that my love for Jon caused him to be the center of my life instead of God, and I justified it by telling myself that it's just the way I love him--and a good wife should really love her husband. But the Bible says that we should love God above all, which means anyone or anything should come second to Him.

Susan Wood is a founding member of Catskill Mountain Christian Center and has served in compassionate ministry to the homeless of New York City and the victims of the Chernobyl disaster in Belarus. She worked for Citihope International where she also served as outreach programming director for Christian radio, coordinating a variety of New York City ministries. Susan and her husband, Jonathan, founded the Raptor Project Inc., a rehabilitation and educational effort with birds of prey. Susan, Jonathan and daughter Rachel travel the U.S. on tour each year producing bird shows and exhibits in 28 states. She has been featured on Cornerstone television and CBN. In between road tours, her family divides their time between their New York home and a home on North Padre Island, Texas, where they are members of Bay Area Fellowship.

Not just any steak -- elk steak.

If you've never had elk meat, I must say you are truly missing out.  It is not at all "gamey," but instead is just down-right good.

No, we are not financially over-privileged folk who are able to go out to fancy restaurants and order elk meat entrees all the time. We have, however, been blessed to have a family member who is an avid hunter and recently went on a special elk hunt with some friends. We, in turn, benefited from the results of that trip. This has been quite a blessing to us in our recent time of need, as we can turn to the freezer and pull out not just any meat to thaw and cook, but elk meat! Yummy!

But, of course, all good things do come to an end. At least when it comes to our supply of elk meat.

The other night, I cooked the last of this delectable delight. Smothered with sauteed bell peppers and onions, it was quite scrumptious, if I do say so myself.

I even had some of the leftover as a sandwich the next day!

During my Bible study I lead at home, my husband and son had dinner that night together in our dining room.  Later, after my friends had left and my son had already gone to bed, I strolled through the dining room and noticed something that touched my heart. There, on the table, was a kid-sized fork next to a small plate which had what else but tiny bits of the remains of the last elk steak.

Our son loves steak--he's only five. He's a picky eater, but he has recently decided he loves steak. So much so that almost anything that could potentially resemble steak is described to him as steak or steak-like (sausage = circle/round steak; ribs = steak, etc.).

My husband loves elk meat -- LOVES elk meat.

But he loves our son more.

That night my husband ate cantaloupe for supper--only cantaloupe. Not the last piece of elk steak.

As much as my husband loves our son, enough to give up his last opportunity to partake of a rare culinary treasure--imagine how much more our Heavenly Father loves us.

Not only did He give up something, He gave up Someone. He willingly gave His Son to come to dwell on this earth with us then die a brutal, undeserved death for us.

He did this because He loves us. He even weaved into the Master plan to raise His Son from the dead so that He (God in the flesh) would once and for all pay the price for us and defeat death so that we can have eternal, abundant life NOW--not just when we go to heaven.

Did you realize your Heavenly Father loves you like that?

"What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" (Romans 8:31-32 NIV).

"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" (Matthew 7:11 NIV).

Consider the facts. Let it sink in. He loves His Son. He loves YOU! Accept His free, undeserved gift. Live like you've received a gift beyond compare. If you've received His Son as your Savior and Lord, then you HAVE received THE gift beyond compare.

Live it! Abundantly! For the love of a Son.

~ Haelie Heard

Haelie is a follower of Christ, wife, mother of a five-year-old son, and a full-time Nurse Informaticist by profession. Her personal blog is To Not Decide...Is To Decide and you can also find her on Twitter. She also writes for and co-administers two other blogs: Faithful Feet and What If.... Her life mission is to be a voice, both written and audible, that unapologetically points to Christ and His sovereignly redemptive love and forgiveness.

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This Daddy paying careful attention to His Princess

Not just the dress, but shining eyes, and color of my hair

Smiling at my gathered skirt of golden lace and ruffles

Even the soft slippers to cover two ungraceful feet

Oh, how it's special to dance with my Daddy, who is Perfect

While leading through missed steps, His princess, Oh, so sweet

Yes, my Daddy twirling through the hardships

Leading me by His grace-filled hands

Whispering in the quiet dance of His Princess

My beautiful Child, let me lead your trembling hands

Just look into the eyes of your Abba Daddy

Experience My joy of dancing with you, from above

Let go and let Me soak in your gentle beauty

My Princess, in this Dance of your Daddy's Love

~Karen Hopkins

Karen was born into military family in the late 1950s, and Europe became her family's playground. She traveled to many countries, both for the military and for fun and adventure. She moved back to Northern California, where she finished her teen years. She now lives in the mountains of eastern Oregon, where she has learned to appreciate God's beauty. During the snowy and cold of winter, she stays inside and quilts to her heart's content. She donates each little handmade quilt, as an an offering of her own healing from her not so pretty past. These quilts are an effort to give a healing touch to other women who have adopted out thier own children. You can visit her on her blog at My Passionate Obsessions.

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