Dear BP owners, Managers and Employees:
Here is what I think you should do to take care of the oil spill mess you have created in the Gulf of Mexico.
1. Solicit the United States Government for favored drilling status in the Gulf of Mexico. This could be either the go ahead to drill in shallower waters or prime locations if such exist or both.
2. Construct 11 new oil drilling platforms in these places and solicit the families of those 11 who died in the oil rig explosion for permission to name each of the 11 after one of the 11 who died as a direct result of the explosion.
3. Then as part of number 1's solicitation you agree to split the profits of these 11 rigs 50-50 with ALL the stakeholders in the Gulf while BP bears all the costs to build and operate with the agreement that these costs--or some tbd portion--will be returned (along with the 20 billion dollar slush fund, pun not intended, you currently are obligated to provide immediately to handle stakeholder's problems as they exist now) over the lifetime of the deal which I think should extend to 99 years or since this is the world's worst ever man made environmental disaster until the world comes to an end as a consequence of the disaster--whichever comes first.
3a. (Notwithstanding all past, present, and future doom and gloom Environmentalists I will bet you half the profits from one new oil rig platform that the 99 years will come first.)
4. As to the problem of identifying all the legitimate stakeholders in the region I think this is something the American Court System could do fairly--since the courts are a proper function of a proper government if they can't do this then we Americans should consider kicking their butts out and getting in some who can. (Tough talk I know, but, what the hey.)
5. Once all the stakeholders have been identified and unit shares assigned I think that the 11 people who died should be given a double share and their immediate families: fathers, mothers, wives, children, brothers, sisters should be given a double share also and that the other people working on the rig that exploded be counted--with some to be determined number of shares--among the stakeholders as I'm sure the experience was rather traumatic for all direct participants.
6. Once all the landowners along say the first 100 feet inland of the ocean beaches have been identified I think that if the payback over a 99 year deal of split profits exceeds the amount of legitimate claims, that the excess should attach to the land like a kind of mineral rights and be sellable by said landowners whenever they decide to sell their land over the next 99 years. (Excesses for other stakeholders could attach to their estates.)
7. If the US Government owns some of the beach land then so be it, they get to share along with all private landowners.
8. If I think of anything else in the future I'll send it along.
build better humans)