What the Fudge!
Is it possible to believe that your weight is the only thing in your life that's out of control? Think about it. I know there are plenty of areas in my life that are off balance. How about yours? It's not that I'm judging here; I'm merely asking that you take a moment to really look at your everyday experience. Are you happy? Are you content with who you are inside? Are you energized by the activities that fill your work and leisure hours? Are you uplifted by the people who share your life? Then ask yourself if you honestly believe that you can and should live the life you have been given in a way that makes you happy.
If you answered yes, you should consider the logical correlation that says if your happiness would be enhanced by losing weight and having the body of your dreams, then it follows that you can and should choose it and lose it! Yet you don't. Why is that? What is so hard-the choosing or the losing?
I recall sitting with a client many years ago giving her my usual speech about getting started. The words, "Weight loss is the one thing that-" were no sooner out of my mouth when she finished my sentence saying, "-that I have no control over." She wasn't being funny; she really thought that was what I was going to say! Of course, by now, my readers know exactly how I responded!
"You are totally misguided," I replied. "Your weight is one of the only things over which you have complete control! I mean, aren't you the one choosing to use your hand to pick up the food you choose to put it into your mouth?"
She was kind of surprised by my vehemence, but she got my point and admitted that she did, indeed, have complete control over what and how much she ate. So why, like many others, did she spend so much time thinking about how she might possibly lose weight rather than actually losing it? Why do so many people spend the life they are given to live joyfully instead spend it obsessing over a problem that they exacerbate on a daily basis?
Many complain that it is just not worth the time and vigilance it takes to lose weight that is only going to reappear once the diet ends. Many have convinced themselves that controlling their weight is out of their hands; they're certain it's in their thyroid, their genetics, their addictions. Well, I'm telling you that line of rationalization is a bunch of poppycock. You are at fault for gaining the weight, and you are at fault for not losing it. Granted, it would be nice if you could accept your body as it is. However, were you to do so, you would first be lying to yourself, and you would next find that your weight would escalate continually throughout your life, destroying your health and your emotional well-being. The only upside to this would be that you would eventually wake up to the folly of believing the ancient lie that ensured the inevitability of your present misery!
What, I ask you, is the problem? It isn't as if you don't have the will. I know that you do! I see it every day. Just look at all of the pounds you have lost in your lifetime! Add them up, and admit to yourself that there were times when you absolutely had control over your weight. So, other than the menopausal years, what makes one time in life different from another? Let me help you: nothing! Losing weight is easy! I have said this before, and I guess I am saying it again. I understand that reading all about it makes you crazy! I get that it sounds easy. What I don't get is why, even though you obsess over it, buy every book ever written on the topic, and try every crazy diet that comes down the pike, you still can't find an end to it all. So, what the fudge?
Sometimes I want to just grab people by the shoulders and shake them saying, "Stop it! Just stop all of the nonsense, already! Are you sincere when you say you want to lose weight because you don't feel healthy? Are you telling the truth when you say you want to lose weight because your cholesterol is up, your feet hurt, your back hurts, your diabetes is out of control, your blood pressure is elevated? Are you willing to own responsibility for your misery when you look in the mirror?
Or are you in denial about all of it? Do you avoid doctors and mirrors? I actually had a client who purged her house of all full-length mirrors because she could only tolerate seeing herself from the neck up. Is this type of avoidance the best way to take control and bring some measure of peace to life?
Again, I ask gently: can you possibly believe that your weight is the only thing out of control in your life? To be honest, I don't think that I have ever counseled an overweight person who was happy or content. This raises the obvious question: which came first the pounds or the problems? Are the pounds the problem, or are the problems manifested in the pounds? Most clients tend to lose easily when they're happy, but toss a little strife into their lives, and losing becomes a real battle. It makes sense that you're more motivated when you're happy, doesn't it? Perhaps when you're happy you don't feel the same levels of deprivation? Perhaps when you're happy, you lose the impulse toward self-abuse?
A few years ago, I decided to choose happiness. I decided that I had spent far too many days crying over the first half of my life. I decided to spend the rest of my life laughing, not in a false, pushing-through-it kind of way, but with an attitude that allowed me to let my hair down and start enjoying my life: not just the sugar in it, but my kids, my work, and my family. I decided that I would not be afraid to walk away from people and things that did not make me happy. You see, I had forgotten what it was to be myself, to choose what I wanted for my life. Many of you have likewise forgotten who you are, and I believe that your issues around weight can be the result of this amnesia.
It feels so good to be in your own skin, and to feel your body move the way it was intended to move. What and how we eat are the nutritional choices we make. How and what we experience in life are the "happiness" choices we make. In either case, if we aren't happy about where we are, it is our choice, our responsibility to change it. Look around and identify that which does not contribute to your happiness. Then, begin to change it. If you're thinking, "Easy for you to say, sister," I know where you're coming from! However, there's a new girl in town and she's been to the other side! And, she's happy to report that it's much easier being an uptown girl! Embracing healthy change doesn't mean you have to up and quit your job, or walk out on a relationship, or sell the house or the kids. It simply means that maybe you should consider your options for a moment. Is it the weight that bothers you? Or is it the weight of the world on your shoulders?
If you think you're ready, the first step is to understand that anything is possible. Thinking that you have no choice in certain matters is your way of avoiding taking action that seems very scary. Therefore, if you continually wake up to an over-scheduled calendar and the prospect of doing things you don't want to do with people you don't wish to see, your first step of the day is going to take you to the refrigerator where you can find something to put a smile on your face. On the other hand, you can choose to enjoy every moment of your day and spend those moments with people who uplift you.
Personally, I now try to be more present and mindful of where I am and what I am doing. I talk more with my kids and their friends, and I participate more in their lives. I try to do the same with my clients, regardless of the number of hours I work. And while I love what I do, I have had to make some changes, first in my heart, then in my head to improve my professional quality of life. Almost effortlessly, certain desired outcomes have occurred and my sense of fulfillment has soared.
You might feel that I am simplifying the issue, but I think you might be exaggerating the difficulty in bringing about change. I'm actually saying that your weight is a choice; gaining and losing is a choice. You are responsible for the number on the scale, and you need to understand that the other stuff in your day shows up on that scale. You can choose to change that stuff.
This week, look at your life, look at yourself, look at your home, your work, the people in your life and ask yourself this: are you happy? Such a simple question should be answered simply. Yes? Or no? If it isn't easy to arrive at an answer, select one tiny thing that you would like scrape off your plate and let it go. Then, move on to another little change and continue to gradually make decisions that enhance your sense of happiness. I guarantee that without thinking about it, much less obsessing over it, you will start losing the bigger self you've been hiding behind.
Choose life; choose happiness! Choose what you deserve!
