Finally
Having spent more than ten years counseling weight loss clients and dealing with my own issues around weight for just about all of my life, I have come to a few conclusions. I have also accumulated quite a few surprising stories about artful deception! Recently, a new client reminded me of a curious, and slightly humorous scenario that crops up every so often.
Many years ago, a client wished to lose more than 100 pounds. She had never lost weight in the past and really didn't think that she would ever find her skinny self. We started slowly, speaking weekly about her emotional issues around her weight and relationship to food. Finally, she was ready to begin her journey back to the body she remembered and dreamed of having again. Her progress was slow and steady, with each week bringing a loss of a pound or less. In the course of her journey she learned many things about herself and was able to release the pent up anger and blame that was so intertwined with her eating and self-abusive behavior. More than three years had passed when she found herself very close to her final goal.
That's when a very odd thing happened! Prior to her appointment that morning, I had calculated that she was probably only a month or two away from her goal. Imagine my shock when she came in, stood on the scale and was down four pounds! "What did you do, cut off a limb?" I laughed.
"No," she said, "I just finally listened and followed everything you have been telling me to do."
"What?" I replied. "You haven't been doing that all of this time?" Shocked at what she had just told me, I listened to her confess that she always kind of did what I asked, but never completely. It seems she just didn't think that doing it her way would make much of a difference.
"Who knew," she said with a slight shrug, "that your way would work so well?"
Well, I did, for one! And I was astonished to learn that a client would choose to have me counsel her weekly for more than three years and not actually believe that everything I shared with her would get her to her goal! I know she followed much of what I asked of her, since she did lose, but for whatever reason, she chose not to put her faith in the whole process! In the end, it really didn't matter; ultimately, she understood what it took to lose weight. And, to be honest, it didn't matter to me if she lost one, two, or three pounds every week, as long as she hung in there to lose it all. However, I have to admit that it struck me, and her, I guess, as funny that in the entire three and a half years she had never had one perfect week until the last one when she lost four pounds and made goal. I guess we both learned a lesson that day!
I tell this story because over the years I have heard essentially the same confession of non-compliance from men and women alike, from clients who told me they were kind of following my suggestions, but not totally. Then there have been those who don't admit to it and fib a little in the hope of putting one over on me. Well, it never really matters that they fib to me; it matters only that they choose to deceive themselves!
So what's wrong with cheating a little every week and fooling yourself into thinking it's okay as long as you're losing pretty steadily? Well, I'll tell you! Let's face the fact that it is difficult to lose a few pounds and keep them off. In addition to the energy it takes to practice self-control, remain vigilant, shop for and prepare healthy meals, there comes an inevitable hurdle. In truth, no matter how successful you are in changing your lifestyle to the extent that healthy eating becomes a beautiful habit, and limiting intake becomes second nature, eventually you will tire of feeling restricted and cheat a bit. Now, those who are in the maintenance phase can afford a treat here and there with no problem because they can easily look at the little misstep or reward as a momentary pleasure. However, those in the losing phase who reach that tipping point of fatigue run a terrible risk. For most of them, the "treat" or "misstep" is a reminder of all that good stuff they miss so much and feel that they will never again enjoy. What happens? Because they are in a vulnerable state of mind, very often they lose heart and the weight loss ends and the gain begins.
Thus, my focus is always to get my clients to goal, or close to it, as soon as possible. When they are at goal, they are better equipped to deal with the many psychological blocks they will learn to overcome-blocks such as the fear of eating "normally" again and gaining instead of maintaining; blocks like feeling deprived and put upon by the unfair nature of it all; blocks like those emotional crises that test one's mettle! I do not want to see anyone endure the pain of yo-yoing, ever again. So, before that happens, I want all of you to give me a shot, an honest commitment to follow what I say now, and have been saying for the last year and a half, about losing weight, learning how to eat and understanding why you eat the way you do. Just follow the plan faithfully and have faith in the plan!
The stories continue...
Tina was a vegetarian when she knocked on the door several years ago wanting to learn how she could make the shift to veganism. She didn't really understand exactly what that would mean to her body, so we worked together to develop a plan to support her decision. She embraced it and was in love with life and food, as far as I could see. Unfortunately, her philosophical commitment to veganism was solid, but she labored under a common misconception, thinking that weight loss is a glorious byproduct of eliminating animal products. She did lose, at first. But why did Tina have such a hard time maintaining and adding to her weight loss? Here's the rub...
Animal products contain a lot of bad stuff; but sugar isn't one of them. You see, Tina mentally made a huge commitment to herself to remove animal products from her life, but like my first client, Tina only followed part of what I suggested. Like many of my current readers, Tina was a sugar addict. Tina thought that minimizing her intake of sugar and rewarding herself with it every so often would enable her to embrace her new lifestyle, and her weight would continue to drop.
Was this a good plan? Of course not! Like all addicts, Tina could not eat just one! As time wore on, she became adept at weaving some form of sugar into every one of her amazing vegan recipes! The problem with including the substance she craved in all her new recipes was that she thought about food-and eating-more than ever before. That promise of a taste of her drug of choice made it hard not to think about her next meal. What is the problem with thinking about food day and night, you might wonder? Well, obsessing over your next hit only makes it a certainty that when you have a weak moment, you will have ensured that your drug of choice is at the ready somewhere. Since you are addicted, you will inevitably overindulge, and in an instant, you are again using. If you are a sugar addict, please do not make a joke of this; take it seriously, and take proper precautions so that you do not relapse.
Please understand that it is easier to remove sugar from your life entirely than it is to have a little here and there. Unfortunately, the sugar affects you emotionally and physically. Your moods and unsteadiness and difficulties with commitment to your weight loss are compromised by sugar. It creates unstable blood sugar levels, wreaking havoc on your energy level, which then affects your hunger and your ability to control it. These peaks and drops exacerbate your emotional unbalance and you will be unable to put together why it is happening.
Tina could not. Eventually, she stopped seeing me and gained back all she had lost-and then some. I don't view events like this as failures; on the contrary, I believe that they are par for the course. This is how we learn about our strengths and weaknesses.
Recently, Tina called to say she has been reading this newsletter and feels inspired to try again. This time, I could see Tina was in a different place. This time Tina would follow my directions religiously. As with all things, enormous transformational changes come from within. Just as it had taken her many months to embrace life as a vegetarian and then, eventually, a vegan, this new commitment to her health was not going to be just another diet that would ultimately fail. This was going to be life changing; therefore, we took the time to talk about her sugar problem and addiction. We discussed the effects of sodium on her body: swelling and water retention, and swollen, achy joints.
Tina chose to eliminate sugar very early on. She also worked hard at staying away from sodium. Granted these seem like extreme measures, and I do not push everyone to stop cold turkey like this-even though I believe it is the easiest path, in the long run. I understand that many are not ready to make drastic changes so very early into their transformation, and that is okay.
By doing as I suggested, Tina was pleasantly surprised. First, after the three days it took to purge her body of sugar, she couldn't believe that the cravings were over! Next, she found that letting herself go to bed a little bit hungry was not an emotional roller coaster any longer; in fact, she liked the feeling of being in control. In addition, she loved the fact that eating really healthy foods allowed her to enjoy larger portions without having to worry about gaining weight. At the end of that first week, she got on the scale and was amazed at the six pounds that appeared to be missing! The following week was very similar and the third week, as well. By the end of a month, she had lost over 15 pounds! Just like that!
Tina is still on track and more committed than ever before! She feels emotionally balanced for the first time and can see the results like never before. She follows some very basic and fundamental truths: it is easier to stay away from sugar completely rather than having a little here and there; now, her moods are stable. By staying away from sodium and making sure she eats three healthy, high fiber, low fat foods a day she can go to bed feeling a little bit hungry and know, without a shadow of a doubt, that she is on her way. This time she will make it because she understands the path and has committed to it. Her past problems were the result of denying the huge part her sugar addiction played in her life. Now she accepts and understands her addiction. Go Tina!
Choose Life and Just Lose It!
