Ready or Not, Here We Are!

Ready?  Well, ready or not, here we are. Now what do we do about all those promises we made ourselves, spoken and unspoken. You know you made them- promises or wishes-so, now's the time to act.

This is what I want you to do.  Put aside all thoughts of what you think you should do and what you hope you will do.  Weight loss starts in the mind, not in the body.  We must step back from the insanity of life for a moment and take a look at what is real and what isn't real.  Listen to some of what I observed this week.

When my first client stepped on the scale she was up, but she didn't look disappointed; she was just happy not to have gone up that much.  "Ahh," I said, "So you anticipated going up?"

"It couldn't be helped. It was a long holiday, after all," she reasoned.

"Well, then I guess you got your wish."

"I hate it when you say things like that!" she responded. 

"No one," I countered, "likes to hear  the truth, do they?"

Angie was caught playing the game, the game that will let you down time and again.  She, and most of my clients, by the way, were very happy either because they maintained-actually they were thrilled to have maintained-or because they just went up a few pounds.  The problem with this mentality is that it lulls them into thinking that this gain-loss-gain-loss pattern is what weight loss looks like. If they persist in  looking at it this way, the need to lose weight will never end. In fact, the cycle will continue until the day they recognize it for what it is: the inevitable result of an inherently flawed approach to weight loss, an approach built on a foundation of lies.

Of all our mistaken ideas around weight loss, two rank up there at the top. Today I want to break down one of those fibs we tell ourselves. 

 Fib #1: Liar! Liar! Pants on Fire!

Yes, there is a bit of Pinocchio in all of us! The fabrications we come up with and share with our Geppettos  are pure genius, so much so that we actually believe them!  Our tales are so well reasoned that despite evidence to the contrary, we know that we absolutely will do it and lose it. No question! I will start on Monday, or the first of the year, or tomorrow morning, or after I finish eating this double fudge chocolate cake.  If we looked in the mirror, our noses might give us pause! Oh yes! Even I have lied to myself zillions of times. But then there was that one time...when I didn't.  That is all that it takes: one time to tell the truth, to believe it, and to take hold of it. 

Not funny, but kind of funny.  I have many clients who are married or in relationships, and all of them have a similar complaint: their significant other does not acknowledge or seem to be very supportive of their weight loss program.  Well, at first it might appear that they are dealing with some very selfish and self-absorbed "other halves," but if we look at the full picture, we might see something else.  The fact of the matter is that the other half has heard the lies before.  He heard the promises and cheered and whistled as she fought her way down the first time. When the weight went back up, as it unfortunately does every so often, he was probably supportive and present for the sadness, disappointment, sometimes shame and possible mood swings that accompanied the ride back up.

Therefore, I tend to say, "Cut them some slack! They have heard the endless complaints and lies before. You're always so convincing. I mean, you believe them yourself, right?  You see, they don't know how to react when, once again, you're on your way down, and all of the family and friends have to submit to your new foods, meals, and exercise routines.  They are a bit nervous that they might have to live through the gain again, and might also be a little out of sorts about the changes you have brought into their lives. They just don't know what to think, so they don't say anything, just in case things go wrong.  The problem, by the way, is not them.  The lies that you are telling yourself are the problem. The tales that this time, this Monday ("Monday's never come") will be the day, finally.  The other problem is that he can see what you don't-your nose is growing at lying speed.

Now then, how do you distinguish a lie from a true statement of commitment?  Well, it's easy.  First of all, if you make the "commitment" at the end of a really huge, decadent meal, it's probably a lie.  You just feel distended and will promise yourself anything at that point; kind of the way some of us, after spending a night vomiting, have promised never to have another drink.  Although it might feel true, it's probably a lie.  If there is a "but" anywhere in your mind or words, then it's a lie.  Next, if there is any excuse whatsoever-any at all-it's a lie.  If you are not ready to throw out whatever it is you are in the midst of eating when you hear yourself promising that as soon as it's finished you are definitely joining the gym and life will be grand, then it's probably a lie.  If it were the truth, you would throw out the burger, right now. You wouldn't even take another bite, period. 

If you were one of the many people who vowed to stick to a weight loss regimen after New Year's Eve, you might already be seeing that you lied. Perhaps it's too soon to call it?  If you are not ready, right this moment to stop and throw out whatever is tempting you, then it isn't going to be today and probably not tomorrow.  If every party is an excuse to start later, if every holiday must be celebrated before you start, if every luncheon keeps you from going to the spinning class, then it isn't going to happen. 

Here is a story that I told a while ago; it was the first time I "got it."  Many years ago, I smoked, thinking it would help keep my weight down. Well, when it came time to quit, it wasn't quite as easy as I thought it was going to be.  Many New Year's Eves came and went, along with my promise to quit at midnight.  Well, one particular year, midnight came and I still had half a pack left, and I was still at the party; of course, the commonsense thing was to wait until morning. Morning came, and I still had a few left; of course, I swore that after the pack was done, I was done.  Unfortunately, when I was done with the pack, it was only Saturday afternoon and it would be so silly not just to wait until Monday.

I waited for lots of Mondays. I would start out okay, but at some point, I would find an excuse to have a cigarette-I had a hard day, or my car broke down, or I worked too hard, or no one understood me, or I just didn't really care, and I deserved a break. Finally, I sat and thought about the pattern of my thoughts, and I saw, very clearly, that I was a big, fat liar!  Astonishing! Who would have thought? I was always so honest with everything else, but no one was calling me on the lies I told myself. I had this revelation on a Wednesday morning around 11:00.  I was halfway through a pack and had just started a cigarette.  Well, if not now, then when? So, I put out the cigarette, threw out the pack, and stopped.  It wasn't easy, by the way, but I think that when I realized the enormity of these seemingly insignificant lies, I saw that I would never stop if I kept believing them.

I have an entire clientele of liars. No offense girls and boys, but you know who you are! The day you can actually call them what they are might be the day you actually get started.  The next time you tell yourself that you cannot possibly get started right now because.... I want you to stop, and call it what it is: a very big, fat Lie!!  Think about starting now.  Right now.  Starting is not a trick; it is not about head games; starting is about nothing but the truth.  So, what is your truth, right now?

I will fill you in on the other flubs next week.

Have a good one and Just Lose it!! Now!