Okay, I'm going to get a little metaphysical on you, but it's important and will help you understand, on a different level, why food is your "thing."  Hang in there; it will make sense in the end.  I'm sure that many of you have heard the term "chakra," but for those who haven't, I'll offer a very simplistic introduction to a few pertinent chakras. I encourage you to pick up a book on chakras; I think you'll find it fascinating.

The solar plexus encompasses the stomach area, and it is predominantly associated with self-esteem, ego, and anger! So, it's interesting that the stomach is the area where you hold all those other emotions that I have been talking about in past blogs and e-zines, such as Tantrums! & Don't Swallow Your Words!  When we are having issues around self-esteem or anger, what is it that bothers us physically? Well, some of us experience something that we believe is hunger, but in reality, it's not.  That's why I have repeatedly suggested, in other e-zines, that when you experience that "hunger" you stop to ask yourself what is really going on? If you look deeply enough, you will see that what is bothering you isn't real hunger.  Hunger feels like different: your stomach growls and you feel a little lightheaded, at times.  The feeling we're talking about here is different, and definitely not a need for food.

When something upsets you and makes you feel diminished, when something is not going your way, or when someone puts you down, your self-esteem is bruised, banged up-sometimes to the point where it feels as if you've been kicked in the gut and had the wind knocked out of you. Other times you mask those slights by putting on a display of anger. You mistakenly believe that anger will protect you, that it will rid you of the pain that registers, not physically, but on a much deeper subconscious level. It's an old, sad wound that, once irritated, sets off an internal gnawing.  The truth is, the only way to fully eradicate this painful sensation for good is to explore it and release it.

However, many of my clients and readers have not yet done the inner work. Left to their own devices, how do they cope when this pain arises?  Well, they fill it up! They start eating because that makes the gnawing subside.  If you are like my clients, you will feel many other emotions after you eat your way to numbness: self loathing, guilt, shame. However, you will again have stopped yourself from facing and confronting the subconscious emptiness or pain that triggered the self-medicating, the binge. When you give in and binge to quell the sensation, you often feel that you are responding to an urge to feed physical hunger. In reality, it is not a lack of food that you are feeling;  it is a lack of _______________.  Fill in the blank with whatever it is that you are lacking.  In fact, it's not hunger; it's your solar plexus reminding you that you are not fulfilled, not satisfied, and instead of doing anything real, because it's hard, you eat.  It's actually the perfect solution.

Okay, that's the stomach.  Let's move up a notch, or a chakra, to the heart.  When we eat, the food passes through the throat chakra to the heart chakra and then to the solar plexus.  Such a perfect path for the over eater!  The heart chakra is right where we think it is, smack in the middle of our chest.  It is not actually where the heart is, but it does encompass that area, as well.  The heart chakra is associated with love.  Simply put, the heart chakra is affected not only by the love we receive, but also by the love we give.  It holds all of the heartbreak we have experienced since birth! That might be a lot of heartbreak for some of us, and since it's hard for most of us to make peace with our past, it's not unusual for us to hold a lot in this chakra. 

More specifically, I find that most woman with weight problems are also plagued by self-esteem issues; therefore, a great deal of their pain centers on issues around love. However, it is not heartbreak inflicted by someone in their past; it is the pain caused by their own inability to love themselves.  How are you on this one? Can you say that you love yourself? Can you put yourself first rather than last? Can you take care of your needs first, rather than last...or never?  These questions probably have most of you cringing because it sounds as if I am suggesting that you become a self-absorbed princess. Not exactly. I believe that putting yourself first is the most selfless thing you can do.  Why? Well, the woman usually dictates the mood and energy of the home.  If the woman is happy and fulfilled, then her home is happy and healthy with an abundance of love and kindness and generosity for all who live in and enter that space. But that is not always the case, is it?  Women are usually stressed out because they do far too much to please everyone else, putting themselves last, if anywhere, on the list.  So the home is not always the sanctuary that it should be.  A happy woman/mother/wife has a happy home/family/husband. 

Our innate sense of selflessness is perfectly demonstrated in the airplane emergency demonstration: just what you want to think about moments into the flight! So, we are told that in an emergency, when the oxygen masks drop down, we're supposed to put on ours first, and then we can put on our child's.  Why do they have to tell us this? Well, they know that a woman will instinctively move to save the child first. This act of sacrifice could result in both your deaths because if you suffocate trying to save the child, he will follow suit. This is a perfect example of why you must start placing yourself first! It is selfless to do this.  You must be happy and healthy and fulfilled, so you can give from abundance to everyone around you...if you choose.

Can you can see why the heart and the solar plexus are the perfect partners for this eating relationship?  When one of them starts to ache, the other will begin to ache, and you will inevitably turn to food to numb the feeling. You will perceive the ache to be hunger, but it's not. It's emotional pain. You might choose to mask it with anger, but it's not really anger; it's pain, hurt, the missing love that only you can give to yourself. You don't believe you deserve it, so you give it to everyone else and you are left out in the cold, eating to stay warm.

To end this trilogy we will move to the throat.  The throat chakra is associated with the voice and expression-verbal and creative.  When something happens that tweaks our heart chakra or our solar plexus we could actually take care of it the moment it happens if only we would express it!  Easier said than done, no?  When we suppress our words, we swallow the words that should be spoken aloud and with conviction.  Why can't we say NO MORE! I give up! I need to be loved. Do not speak to me like that! Look at me! Acknowledge me.  We need to understand and tell our loved ones that we have a right to happiness, too.  Not in spite of them, but because there is enough for everyone.  I will no longer allow anyone to take from me.  When someone is not kind to me, I will tell them that it is not okay anymore. In fact, it never was, but now I say it. The people who love me will stay, and the people who don't will go. The same is true for you. Let them go if need be. Understand the cold, hard truth: no one is going to stop the merry-go-round and say, "Wait a minute! Janey has not had a turn yet. Let's let her get on because she has been so kind and generous and patient. Get on Janey!  Enjoy yourself!"

If this did ever happen, what would you do with your turn?  I will tell you: you would say, "Oh, that's okay. I'm fine. Let someone else go instead." Am I correct?  How sad.  Don't be surprised when they never ask again, when they learn the lesson that you are happy serving and pleasing and making sure everyone else gets a turn and  you prefer it like that. 

To sum up, remember that when we suppress our words, feelings, emotions, the aching begins. Then the heart starts to hurt and our stomach starts to ache. These are not physical symptoms; they are metaphysical feelings. Ask yourself what is really going on. Answer the question right away. Really think about it. Even if you do go on a binge, you will know that it was not because you were hungry; it was because something inside of you started to ache and you didn't want to deal with it, or it was too much to even begin to fathom.  At least binge with awareness, with honesty.  Say it aloud: "I'm not hungry. I'm angry/

sad/frustrated/hurt!  It hurts so much that I can't take it any more, so I'm going to eat until I'm numb. I don't deserve more than what I have."

That's a lie, and you know it. Take your turn!  Take it every day, from now on. You are not taking anything away from anyone.  You are joining them in life.  There is enough air for everyone to breathe, so take as much as you want!

that you could eat only healthy, low fat food and still not lose weight?! I almost don't want to tell you this since it might make you stop in your tracks right now, but the subject has come up quite a bit this week, reminding me that losing weight can be confusing, at times. Having a better understanding of what is actually going on in your body can help you avoid a crash and burn on those days when you triumphed over a difficult week and ate well just to get on the scale and find that you are up! So, first of all, let's differentiate between all of the other things that can make your scale act irrationally.

First, I know that you are all tired. I know that it seems that things and life and food and losing weight are very unpredictable, but as I have said in the past...I do not make the rules. If I did, I would certainly give all of us extra credit for effort!  The fact of the matter is that I also have to live by these same rules. No matter how unfair they might appear to be, consistency is the key.

This week, many women came in with great food logs.  They were proud that after Thanksgiving they were able to pull it all together.  They were sure that when they got on the scale it would show them the number they knew they deserved!  Again, I would have given it to them for effort, but alas, I am a mere mortal and do not have that kind of clout. So, I will reiterate what I said many times this week.  You must, must, must feel a little bit hungry just before you go to sleep.  If you have not listened to my audio on how your body should feel, please listen to Getting Started - Your Emotional Week  and refresh your memory as to how the body needs to feel in order to experience weight loss. It is not brain surgery; it is actually simple, but you must follow the rules; that is the only way it really works. 

Now then, back to my original point that you can eat really healthy food 24/7 and still not lose weight!  Initially, you will lose weight, no matter what you eat, but at some point, if you continue to eat to fullness, you will not lose weight, or you will lose very slowly.  There is an exception, and an important one: the sodium issue.  If you are eating foods loaded with sodium, losing weight will seem impossible.  Please read Sodium!!! to catch up a bit on how sodium is detrimental to your weight loss as well as your health. 

Again, I digress! So, this week, one after another of my clients came in with good food logs, but when they got on the scale, the majority either stayed the same or went up!  I can still see the disappointment on their faces. I feel for them because I know how they feel; I have been there many times before.  But again I say, You must feel a little bit hungry right before you go to sleep. The way you feel before you go to sleep is the key indicator as to whether or not you are going to lose weight. That slight hunger indicates that you have burned off more than you took in.  I am not saying you need to be famished; that would mean that you must have skipped a meal somewhere.  What I am saying is that you must have that feeling of being just a bit hungry, as if you know you could have had more, but you are satisfied enough without it.  The more you do this throughout the week, the easier it becomes, and the more consistently the weight begins to come off. 

Now, what really messes us up is when we eat really healthy food, and still don't lose weight!  It might seem that eating a lot of vegetables and fresh legumes every day would cause your weight to drop off.  A t first, it does; however, if you have eaten so many veggies that you are stuffed, your body does not understand that it is time to lose weight, and it holds onto those calories for dear life! I'll say it again: you must feel a little bit hungry to lose weight, period!  That includes veggies! Seems unfair?  I agree!  But that's how it works.

You must adjust your portion sizes. Better yet, you must learn to listen to your body so that you can control how you feel and how much you take in, even if it is only a barrel of veggies.  I am not saying that you will gain weight, since that would be very difficult to do, but I am saying that you might not lose weight.  That goes double for water retention.  Water retention makes you feel full, and that, in turn, tricks your body into not letting go of excess water and weight. 

There are many issues that can mess you up.  As I said, it is hard to stay on track when you are constantly thinking that life is unfair and you are just tired; and you are fed up with eating greens and beans and walking around gassy and bloated, week after week, all for naught!  I get that, but the problem might be that your portions are too large.  I wrote about his a while ago, and it might be a good idea to check it out Eat for your size!  I hope that article will make a lot of sense and bring some perspective to the way you should be eating. 

The key to everything is the paying attention to your body and how it feels. So the simple and seemingly unfair truth is that you must feel a bit hungry just before falling asleep, no matter what.  In addition, you should avoid the sodium-induced bloat factor. If you do this for four to seven days straight, you will feel tremendous joy at the sight of the steadily declining number on the scale.

So, follow these basic rules and enjoy your food, but always allow yourself to feel that slight bit of hunger just before bed and you will attain the success of which you are so deserving.  Hang in there; you can do this; just lose it!

    Bon Appétit!