"You're no fun anymore," they will inevitably proclaim.  This is the trigger that really messes with our heads. Why? Mainly, because we agree!  At some point on your weight loss journey, usually when you are feeling a bit weary and not quite strong, someone will read your mind and make the dreaded observation.  Girls, this is not the time to cave in!  This is not the time to revert to your old ways of pleasing others at the expense of your happiness and health! There is the time to get a grip and stand firm. 

When you think about it, most of your social life and relationships are based on food: planning meals, selecting restaurants, eating your way through a vacation, quick trips to pick up your favorite latte, lunch with the girls, romantic dinners, picnics with friends, cooking together, popcorn at the movie theatre...the list is endless, as you know.  Then you suddenly make a change and do not participate in many of these normal activities anymore. In the beginning, of course, everyone supports you and marvels at the strong, brave new you, but then something shifts, in you, and in them. 

For their part, they suddenly realize that your new lifestyle isn't going to include long Friday nights at the pizza place, or three-hour Sunday brunches.  While food is still the foundation upon which their social life is built, it isn't for you, and this begins to make your friends and family uncomfortable.  First of all, they are forced to confront their own weight issues; in the process, they become uncomfortable with their less-than-healthy food choices. You, on the other side of the fence, are beginning to feel uncomfortable, as well. You see the looks they give one another when planning a night out, and you feel guilty for being the wet blanket.  And, so, when they finally get to the point of frustration and resort to taunting, you find yourself agreeing with them and suddenly realize with horror that you might just lose them all! This is a very scary time, and one for which you must plan.

Let's face it; your new way of caring for yourself might, in the beginning, appear to interfere with "fun": yours and theirs. You might let down the Friday night gang because it has become too hard to stay strong in the face of all the temptation. You might feel your husband's disappointment, even anger when you decline a dinner invitation. You begin to feel like the source of all frustration when you choose not to socialize as you normally would. Listen to these words!  Do you hear the messages your friends and family are sending?  They are disappointed, frustrated, even angry with you for taking care of yourself! For putting yourself first! Why is this a problem for anyone?  Why should you feel like you're in danger of losing them?

Ladies, you are still fun! You haven't changed!  You are simply choosing, for a period of time, to put yourself first.  Granted, you have probably always put them first-their needs, their fun, their goals-and so they are not accustomed to this new you; however, everyone can learn to accept the changes, and everyone will, as long as you send the proper message.  You must believe that living a healthy lifestyle does not make you a drag. It simply makes you happier and healthier, and the others will just have to  adjust.   

This is a time when owning what you are doing is important. Once again, you can blame others for not being supportive, you can blame them for their dietary choices, and you can blame them for being skinny.  Alternatively, you can own this.  Take it back.  Take it out of their hands.  You have made this choice, and you will handle it as you see fit. So let's look at some strategies for getting Cinderella to the ball! Of course it is possible for you to go out and enjoy every aspect of your evening.  You might choose to opt out on some things, but that is not really anyone else's business, and it is totally appropriate for you to inform them of this truth! 

Will you opt out of parties and romantic dinners at first?  Probably.  In the beginning, it might be easier to do so, but you must eventually learn how to approach food socially because eating is, after all, a social event. Once you have more control over your impulse to eat unconsciously, you will discover ways how to go out and enjoy yourself in any situation. You will laugh, and eat, and drink, just not to fullness.  There is nothing you cannot do!  Please don't let friends and family sway you from your path.  Is it possible that you might lose some friends in the process? Well, yes, but the truth is, if that happens, you know they were not really your friends in the first place.

Let me tell you a quick story before I go.  I once had a client, a really outgoing girl, very social with lots of drinking and nightlife with girlfriends, and plenty of chips and margaritas!  She got started and was going strong for a few months. She had made the decision to opt out of the nightlife at first because she didn't think she could handle the temptations, especially when the drinking and eating revved up. After a few weeks, I talked her into rejoining her friends.  "This is a way of eating; it isn't a prison sentence!"  We worked out a game plan: place the chips far out of reach; talk and laugh more and focus on enjoying the friends; drink white wine or spritzers, and hydro drink (one glass of wine, one glass water of water).  She wasn't sure she could do it, but she was also tired of feeling like a drag.  Her friends were becoming less understanding and, oh yes, they had already made the dreaded proclamation: "You're no fun any more."

So, she announced that she expected the girls, the friends who loved her, to be supportive and not push her into overindulging.  Before leaving the house, she enjoyed an early and healthy dinner and then out she went. My phone rang around 11:00 that night, and when I saw her number, I feared things had gone horribly wrong.  I answered the phone to laughter and an exuberant, "I did it! I'm out! And, I'm having a great time! I haven't touched a chip, a margarita, or anything not good for me!  I'm just enjoying my friends. I didn't realize how much I had missed them and they had missed me! It's not the food; it's the laughter that makes me happy, and I didn't realize it.  So simple! Thank you." 

I still smile remembering the call. 

   that 1.2 billion people in the world are underfed and malnourished?

 I just came across some statistics in Food Revolution, by John Robbins, that are so staggering and sobering that I just had to share them with you.

And...

Did you know that 1.2 billion people in the world are overfed and malnourished?

Can you believe what you just read? Overfed and malnourished!  That's us! That's this country. That's what our eating habits have done for us!  We eat too much and are malnourished in spite of having more than enough healthful foods from which to choose. Disturbing? Shameful?

Here's more

Did you know that 56 % of the underfed and underweight children in Bangladesh have diminished health?

And...

Did you know that 55% of the overfed and overweight adults in the United States have diminished health?

We might not be able to help the children in Bangladesh, but we certainly CAN help ourselves! It's a choice; good health and nutrition are ours to choose. We have an abundance of everything, and we are simply choosing the sickening over the healthful.

    Bon Appétit!