Fall Cleaning!

Many years ago, my younger sister made an observation that I found less than insightful. In fact, I found it quite offensive. That should have been a red flag, since we tend to become offended when confronted with a truth we would prefer to ignore! At any rate, my sister stopped by one morning, and taking in the state of my house, with my three young sons' toys strewn about and the parts of whatever project I was working on covering every surface, she quite deliberately walked over to my closet, opened it and said,  "Wow! Look at the mess in this closet! What in the world must the inside of your head look like?" 

Instantly, I went off on my defensive spiel about the ridiculous hours I had been working and the impossibility of staying on top of the chaos the kids created  and I was doing it alone and it was more than any one person could possibly do without help and NO I didn't like the way my closets looked, but that is not who I am and do you really think that the state of my closet  represents or defines me in any way?  Well, do you??

By the time I was done, even I could see that the lady didst protest too much! Needless to say, the incident got me thinking.  I certainly was not about to admit to my sister-or anyone else, for that matter-that everything I had said was an excuse. While I was a single parent, and I was working a lot, those really weren't the reason my closets, and the rest of my house looked as cluttered as it did.  I knew that it was me, that something was off in me, and I protested as I did because she saw right through me, and I was ashamed.  Plain and simple. 

So, once again, I am talking about something other than food, but not really.  In the  last few weeks this theme has come up with one client after another. As we talked, they came to realize that when they are off, it is usually because things are out of place. This causes them to feel unsettled and that feeling makes them nervous and uncomfortable. Naturally, they soothe these feelings with food.  This week, when we began to address emotional states, I asked each client about her home-her closets to be exact-and low and behold, they all had plenty of cobwebs and skeletons lurking in there!  Without hesitation, each of them started the process of cleaning those closets!

I love the strategy of closet cleaning because it distracts us from eating, but it works on other levels, as well. And it's so true that there is a  correlation between a chaotic, disorganized living space and a sense of unbalance and disconnect.  Not only that, but I always detect a sense of defensiveness when I kind of push clients to assess this aspect of their lives, as if the closets are some dirty little secret.

Harriet has been coming to me for some time now, and she has been doing great with her weight and her inner transformation.  However, she has an issue with her professionally decorated home. While proud that the house could be featured in House Beautiful,  Harriet has a secret: Harriet feels uncomfortable in her own home because she knows that the perfect first floor living space is not reflective of who she truly is. The real Harriet is reflected in the closets and her bedroom, her inner private places. You see, these spaces are cluttered and messy with stuff that she neither needs nor wants. But she knows these spaces represent what she really feels inside, and she is ashamed of that person and so keeps her  hidden. Sure, to the rest of the world hers is the perfect home, but she feels that she is  living a lie, the same lie I lived many years ago. 

Maybe you're like us? I know I kept people out of certain rooms and nobody ever got a look into my closets. The attic, the basement, the kitchen drawers, and my bedroom were totally off limits.  You see, if anyone saw these spaces, they would know that I was not okay. Just as Harriet is afraid that someone might infer from her hidden places that she is not okay, that she is off.  These off limits places  represent who we are on many levels. They illuminate what we are hiding.  Having spaces that are cluttered leaves us feeling irritated and uncomfortable, as if someone might see that we are not perfect.  Isn't that what we are hiding behind those doors?  Fear? Fear that someone might see that we are flawed, and fear that they might leave us if they learn the truth? Isn't that what hides there?  Our facade wavers but there it is, behind our doors, in the back of our consciousness, we are cluttered, we have cobwebs growing and rather than clean them up, we choose to close a door and put a huge Keep Out sign on the knob.

Well, I have an easy solution!  Clean out your closets!  It will make you feel better than  you can imagine. If a closet isn't the problem, then maybe it's a drawer, the attic, basement, or bedroom.  Whatever you are hiding, just clean it out!  I am tired of hiding  behind my closed doors, tired of keeping everyone out, and when they see everything that I am hiding and they choose to leave, well then they clearly didn't really know me, and I would rather be with people who know me. I would rather spend my time knowing myself.  So, I clean out my closets when I get the urge to eat, when I don't know what to do with my time off.  It makes me feel balanced and grounded.  And when I am both balanced and grounded, I feel better about what I eat and about my body and myself.  I feel proud to have the spaces that I have, meaning that I am proud of who I am, that I like myself and that I have nothing to hide. 

So, let's do some fall cleaning and open those doors and air out those spaces.  You will feel  grounded; you will feel  at peace; you will want to embrace that peace in your mind and that will help you stay on track and eat well. 

Try it and let me know how it goes. You might be surprised at how you feel, and at the very least, you will have very clean closets and spaces, and the relief of not having to hide any longer will be worth the couple of hours that it will take. 

Enjoy