Speaking Is Sexy Tip #11, Vol. 2
What Is It About Being Wrong?
A Rabbi I know recently gave a sermon on right and wrong. Not about doing right and doing wrong, but on how it feels when you think you're right and someone else insists you're wrong. Why is it so important for us as humans to be right?
There's no more critical time when we feel we must be right than when we get up to give a speech. Public speaking puts a special pressure on our sense of self-worth and self-esteem. What if we say something wrong? What if they don't agree with us? How will we feel? How will the audience feel? Will they call us on it? Will they let us know loud and clear that what we said is unacceptable? What if our mistake is inadvertent? What if we say something that, with the best of intentions or a simple lack of knowledge, actually misleads our audience? Can we correct it before our reputation as a speaker worth listening to goes south?
For many people, the idea of making a mistake is so devastating, they won't even attempt to get up to speak. Instead they cower in the corner making other excuses why public speaking is just not for them. "I get so nervous." "It's too difficult to research and write a speech." "I have other ways of publicizing my business." "I'm just not a very good speaker." The underlying truth for at least three out of four of these excuses is, "I'm afraid I'll make a mistake. I'm afraid I'll say something wrong." So what?
What if you're not perfect?
In your daily life, ask everyone you know or anyone you meet, "Do you think you're perfect?" I defy you to find one person who says, "Yes, I am. I'm perfect. Couldn't be better." Okay, maybe you'll find one (may he live in peace and be well) but the other 99.9% will, if they're honest, admit that, no, perfect is not a word they'd use to describe themselves. That being the case, since we know that no one is perfect (except that one guy) and "to err is human" as the old adage goes, what's the big deal about facing an audience? What's wrong with being human?
Frankly, I think what most people are afraid of is not knowing how to correct a mistake if we inevitably make one in the middle of a speech. Here are a few ideas that might help.
a) Can't remember what to say next? You know the feeling. You stand there frozen like a deer in the headlights, your lips moving but nothing is coming out. Breathe. Take a deep breath while you calmly consult your notes. If you've rehearsed your speech beforehand, visualize this moment in your last rehearsal. Stay calm, take another deep breath. The audience will wait for you. If the words you need don't come back to you, go on to the next item in your speech. The point you left out will come back later and you can insert it then. Remember to stay calm, breathe and continue to your next item. The audience will not know something is missing if you don't
show it.
b) Forgot something important
earlier? Want to add that missing
point? Remain calm, breathe, and use
a transition phrase to let the audience
know you're inserting a new thought.
I.E., "Just for a moment, I'd like to go
back to what we said before about..." and add the missing thought. Or, "Before we go on, here's something else about (that subject) to take into consideration..." Or, "Let me add one more thing about (subject), and that is..." If you do this matter-of-factly and calmly, the audience will think you planned it this way.
c) Tripped over your tongue, couldn't get the words out straight, said something that sounds like jibberish? Stop. Breathe. Smile. Use a transition phrase as simple as, "Let's try that again," or "Let me say that differently," or "One more time." Unless you're really good at off-the-cuff humor, try to avoid making a big joke about it because that will emphasize your mistake and you want to minimize it. If you take it in stride and don't call attention to it, your audience will think nothing of it.
Bottom line, if you don't make a big deal about a mistake, your audience won't, either. When you stay calm and in control, your audience will follow wherever you want to lead them. They won't stop to criticize. They'll overlook any little glitches in your presentation because, after all, they know as well as you do: We all get it wrong sometimes. Nobody's perfect.
