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Why is it called Speaking is Sexy?
When what someone says and how they say it sends chills up and down your spine, that's sexy!
Whether you're giving a speech, having a conversation, saying your wedding vows, teaching your kids, exhorting your sales team, or talking in your sleep, if someone is listening, you are inspiring them. It's important to remember that whenever you speak, someone is influenced by each word you say.
Be a positive influence. Be an inspiration. That's very sexy.
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If you are...
- Currently speaking in public,
- Thinking of speaking in public,
- Know you need to speak in public but you're procrastinating like crazy,
- Afraid to speak in public,
- Envious of people who speak confidently in public, or would just like a few tips on how you can speak better than they do...
this Newsletter will give you, as painlessly as possible, tips and techniques to become the cool, confident speaker you've always longed to be. |
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SPEAKER'S TIP #7
Identify Your Fears
On a tour to Budapest, Vienna and Prague, I met Harvey (not his real name), a businessman from New Jersey. When he found out I was a speaker's coach, he said to me immediately, "I've always wanted to get up and speak but I just can't. It freaks me out."
 We were surrounded by our fellow travelers at a specially arranged dinner in a medieval castle in Prague. Not the ideal moment to discuss the fear of speaking? You'd be surprised. Put together some wine, a convivial atmosphere and a sympathetic ear, there's no end to what people will discuss, hoping to find an answer to a problem that's been bugging them for ages. Thus, Harvey's admission that he was afraid to speak in public.
He had raised two grown sons, run his own business for 30 years and traveled over half the world. Face to face across a dinner table, he seemed perfectly at ease, able to handle just about anything. Yet the thought of getting up to give a toast or a sales talk turned him to jelly. His heart pounded and he forgot what he wanted to say or even how to breathe. This strong, capable man felt like a babbling baby.
"Are you ready to talk about it?" I asked.
"Yeah, I am," he said. "It's been holding me back all my life. I'd like to get over it."
There are so many reasons why people fear public speaking. You can't tell which ones just by looking at them. Harvey had mentioned an older brother, and this gave me a clue where to start.
"When you were growing up," I asked," how did you and your brother get along?"
"Like brothers," he grinned ruefully. "We fought a lot. He was the star of the family and I was the one who couldn't measure up."
Harvey said that, as a youngster in his family, his opinion didn't count. He felt he was never heard, nobody listened or took him seriously or worse, they ridiculed whatever he said. So he just stopped saying what he thought. What was the use? Why ask for trouble?
When Harvey grew up and became a successful businessman, he outdid his brother by miles. Yet when faced with the necessity to speak in front of a group of people, he couldn't do it.
I asked if he was now still that same ridiculed little boy growing up in his critical and competitive family.
"No, of course not," he said emphatically.
"Yet when you have to speak to a group of people, you feel exactly the same?"
He stared at me in silence for a moment.
"Y'know," he said, eyes wide, "I never thought about that."
"That was then, this is now," I reminded him. "When you speak to people today, everybody listens, and nobody criticizes."
He nodded. "That's true," he said with a big grin. "Nobody tells me to shut up any more. Except," he added with a wink, "maybe my wife."
We both laughed and glanced at his wife sitting at another table across the room. He blew her a kiss.
When identifying the source of your fear of speaking in public, look at your past for clues. Overcoming the limiting feelings that hamper you today will be a lot easier if you know what they are and where they came from.
Want to use this Speaking Tip in your Newsletter or Blog?
You can as long as you include this entire blurb:
For over ten years, Marion Claire has coached entrepreneurs, executives, artists, professionals and just plain folks to become the confident speakers they longed to be. She's the author of the forthcoming book, "Speaking Is Sexy: How to Inspire with the Power of Your Voice", due in 2010. She will also help you write your speeches for almost any occasion. For more information about Marion and her programs, check out her website www.marionclaire.com.
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 Looking for a dynamic, entertaining Speaker for your next Meeting or Event?Let me customize a talk especially for your group. Choose from such topics as...
- Speak As a Leader: How to Enjoy Being a Positive Influence on People
- Be a Sexy Speaker: How to Inspire and Influence with the Power of Your Voice
- Speaking is Fun: How to Lose Your Fear of Facing an Audience
...or I'll create a speech that specifically addresses your needs. Feel free to contact me if you have a last minute cancellation by your previously scheduled speaker at Marion@marionclaire.com. |
More about Marion Claire
For over 20 years, I suffered from agoraphobia, the fear of crossing open spaces. Its cousin is claustrophobia, the fear of enclosed spaces, and they're often mistaken for each other. At one point I had both. I couldn't step into an elevator without feeling anxious, dizzy and terrified I would faint. These were the same symptoms I suffered when I had to stand in line at the supermarket or sit in the middle of a row in a movie, theater, bus or airplane. I was the Aisle Seat Kid. Sometimes I couldn't tell whether I was experiencing agoraphobia or claustrophobia, the symptoms were so much alike.
I remember once having to sit in the middle of a row (there were no other seats) through the entire four acts of Eugene O'Neill's "More Stately Mansions", a very long play, indeed. I spent at least three-and-a-half of those four acts practicing my deep breathing exercises! No way could I then have dreamt of getting up on stage to speak to a room full of strangers! And yet, today I'm on stage in front of groups of all sizes, shapes and interests. If I can do it, so can you! Let me help you. Contact me at Marion@marionclaire.com. |
 How would your life be different if you finally got over your fear of public speaking?Do you hate being asked to make a speech at a business event or social occasion? Can't give a toast without shaking in your shoes? Would you like to feel calm, cool and comfortable when talking to a group?
It's a lot easier than you think to become a confident speaker. In a short time you can learn how to neutralize your fears, tweak the skills you already have and gain simple techniques that'll make you shine on the platform. Give yourself a gift that will last a lifetime. End your fear of public speaking once and for all! Let me help you. Contact me at Marion@marionclaire.com. | |
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 Is there a specific question or problem about speaking you'd like to see addressed? Would you like to comment on what you've seen here? Your feedback means a great deal to me. Contact me at www.marionclaire.com. |
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