It was that time of year again; when streets filled with snow, and holiday lights brightly shone and flashed throughout the neighborhood. A small white house with blue shutters stood alongside the other houses. Just as he had each year at this time, Ted pulled into the driveway and honked his horn in excitement. At the sound, Chris walked out to meet her boyfriend of two years.

 "Happy Holidays!" Ted exclaimed, handing Chris a small black box delicately wrapped with a ribbon. "Thanks Ted," she replied as she slowly unwrapped a small, silver locket with a diamond "C" carved on the front. "Wow, this is beautiful. But I...I just don't know if I can accept it; it's just too nice."

"You deserve nice things," and with a quick afterthought and a wink, "just like I do." Chris' hands clammed up as they touched the beautiful, shiny necklace. She should have known that getting a gift was never this easy. There was always a return favor expected, and this favor did not usually manifest as a material object either.

The holidays are a time to celebrate with friends and family, but these times can also put a lot of stress on us to give presents to significant others. Sometimes, a show of gratitude for a gift received is expected to come in the form of sexual favors. Any unwanted pressure to do something sexually, whether by subtle manipulations, or by direct force, is an instance of sexual abuse.

Many gifts are given without strings attached, but what can you do if you feel bound by the strings of your partner's expectations? The most important part of being in a relationship is the ability to openly communicate with your partner about how serious you are with each other, and what your boundaries are. Before the holidays arrive, it is a good idea to talk about gift giving. Come to an understanding of how much you will spend, and what types of gifts are appropriate. If you feel uncomfortable with a gift you receive, especially if you think it would obligate you to go farther than you are willing to go, you have several options. You can politely decline the gift, by saying something like, "Wow, this is amazing, but I'm not sure we are in this place in our relationship." If that seems too harsh, prepare a small present that expresses your level of comfort.

If your significant other still pushes, perhaps this is a sign to you that they are not respectful of your boundaries, and it may be time to reevaluate. Relationships should stem from love and acceptance for each other, not from fear and pressure. As the holiday season nears, remember that gifts are given as symbols of the joy you wish to bring to your partner, rather than a pressure to return a favor.

Ah, here comes the New Year, and with it, another set of New Year's resolutions. This year, I am going to lose X amount of pounds. This year, I am going to learn how to play the guitar. This year, I will improve my life. This year, I will be different. It's funny how sometimes when we try to improve our lives, life gets in the way.

There is always a reason why the resolution doesn't come to pass; something happens, and there is no way that it could happen this year. But hey, there's always next year.

To some, the New Year brings hope for a better year; a year where the problems of the past no longer exist; a year where a person in an unhealthy relationship can move towards independence. Individuals in abusive relationships may find it hard to believe that they can overcome the cycle of violence to live a happy, healthy life.

Many remain in abusive relationships hoping their partner will change, only to find themselves devastated when that change doesn't occur. It is important to realize that if we want change, we need to be brave; we need to be willing to take a step in a new direction. Whether it is this year, next year, or the year after that, change isn't easy; it doesn't just come because we hope it will. Saying we want change isn't enough.

If we truly want to see change, we have to do something about it. Mahatma Gandhi said, "You must be the change you want to see in the world." I say you must also be the change you want to see in yourself. This New Year, we invite you to make a different kind of resolution. This year, become informed on what abuse in a relationship looks like. This year, reflect on how you treat your partner, and on how your partner treats you. This year, talk to a friend or counselor if you feel that your relationship is unhealthy. This year, talk to a friend whose relationship worries you, and let him or her know you are there to help. This year, take a stand when you hear disrespectful comments in the hall.

Time and time again, we seem to forget this fact: the New Year is no more than a symbol for change, while our own action is the vehicle to change; change that we claim to desire so dearly. So remember, for all the symbols, gifts, and resolutions for the season, nothing brings more hope than seeing people embody the positive change they wish to see.

First of all, be there for her no matter what. If she is comfortable enough sharing some information, you are clearly important to her. If you strongly suspect there is abuse going on, talk with her about your concerns. She may not listen right away, and she may deny that anything is wrong, but she will know that you are there for her. If you think your friend is in danger, you need to tell someone! Reach out to a trusted adult or call us at (216) 292-3999. If you are afraid that this will damage your relationship, just remember that it is much better to get in an argument with a friend than to have to go to her funeral.