As the holiday season approach, increased errands, travel and schedule changes of the season can manifest in behavioral challenges in your child so parents must be prepared with tools to navigate this period and beyond. If not handled properly, early signs of problematic behavior can become larger concerns. All parents experience that sense of frustration at one time or another, whether it be associated with their child having tantrums on a shopping trip, refusing to go to bed at the designated time, sassing or "talking back" to a parent, or even hitting others or breaking things. Fortunately there is a whole body of information that supports a behavioral approach to these not so uncommon problems.  

As children progress through various developmental stages (the "terrible twos", adolescence, etc.), different types of difficulties are common and can be normal. The central premise of a behavioral approach is that behavior is learned and can also be unlearned. Good (and bad) behaviors are said to be learned based on the rewards that follow them. For example, if your child is screaming in the grocery store because s/he wants you to buy candy or a toy seen on the trip and you purchase the item to get your child to quiet down, chances are you have just reinforced your child's screaming in the grocery store, making this behavior more likely to occur on future shopping trips. The goal is to use behavioral strategies that match the reason the particular behavior is occurring. Some initial observations are needed to determine whether the child's behavior is intended to gain attention (positive and negative), avoid or delay an expectation or request, or to gain access to preferred items or activities. These can change over time so a good educated hypothesis is important to identify the place to start. 

• Reward alternative behaviors, such as giving praise or a special treat to your child when they do finish their meal or tolerate "no" for an answer without screaming or hitting. 

• Do not reward inappropriate behaviors exhibited by your child. Instead plan to ignore them a brief time, if safe, and do not negotiate or yell at your child. Time out, if done correctly, is generally effective only for behaviors which seek attention. 

• For behaviors intended to avoid or delay tasks, do follow-through with the request using the least amount of hand over hand assistance to have your child complete the task. Give your child up to two verbal directions and then assist them to complete the task (at the third prompt).

• Preplanning events the family will attend and marking the calendar in advance can help avoid over-commitment and undue stress, while helping children to predict their schedules. Parents should "opt out" of some holiday commitments if possible to avoid depleting family energy.

• If your child seems to engage in behavior problems to get favorite items or activities (e.g., screaming in grocery store to get cookies), avoid providing the item to your child when inappropriate behaviors are occurring or have occurred. Instead provide these favorite items or activities as rewards for good behaviors such as asking politely or not tantruming in the grocery store. Another helpful approach is to make it clear that your child can get (favorite item/activity) after s/he completes an activity or chore that is less desirable (e.g., having ice cream after picking up toys, go outside after eating all of your dinner). Always provide hugs, smiles, and praise for cooperation!             

        When using these techniques remember to be consistent and gain consistency with other adults in the child's environment (e.g,. visiting relatives).  If a prior behavior plan has been operating at home or school, plan to keep some part going in advance.  Lastly, don't hesitate to seek professional help if you feel that your child's behavior problems persist, are dangerous or can't be controlled. The holidays can bring on behaviors you were not expecting so remember that being a good parent is hard work and reward yourself for having the courage to try new and different approaches to promote your child's well-being. Children always need our love and discipline to thrive and grow in their environment. And.... enjoy the holidays with your precious children!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

JANE BARBIN, Ph.D., BCBA-D is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Board Certified Behavior Analyst-Doctoral who founded Behavioral Directions, LLC

Behavioral Directions, LLC's mission is to use strategies with demonstrated research support for effective behavioral change.