1.  Become a student of your own anger by logging the events that trigger you.  This way, you can figure out your anger patterns.  What do you get angry about?  What kinds of things trigger you?  Where did you learn these reactions?  On a scale from 1-10, how angry are you?  What contains, controls or mitigates your anger?  Is there something else, perhaps unacknowledged, that is the real source of your anger?  Frequently, people fight over incidents rather than the root issues.  Look carefully to make sure that what you are fighting for and what you're angry about are the same.

2.  Try reviewing what went right and what went wrong during the past week together.  Take turns talking on a her turn/his turn basis, with no hostile interruptions by the other.  Place the emphasis on understanding your partner's point of view as fully and clearly as possible.  Don't  "yes-but."  Based on what happened in the relationship during the past week, what as a couple, do the two of you need to watch out for if you are going to clean up the problems in your relationship?  Schedule a time when both parties can come to the discussion uninterrupted and undistracted, keep it to a one hour maximum, and address one subject at a time.  Face each other and make eye contact while you talk.  Focus on the present situation, and don't go into ancient history. Be sure to also  tell your partner what s/he did right.

3.  If the conversation gets ugly, take a time-out.  Go take a shower, listen to some music or go for a walk.  Do something positive or restorative.  Then ask your partner, "What would it take for you to feel better and to let go of your anger?"  Then state specifically, what you could do, to make things better.

4.  Avoid using "below the belt" tactics.  These include name-calling, blaming, interrupting, diagnosing, labeling, analyzing, threatening, preaching, moralizing, ordering, interrogating, ridiculing and lecturing.  Discussions should be used to problem solve and reach a solution, not to gain a victory.  Also, no drugs or alcohol while arguing.

5.  Even when you disagree with someone, at least acknowledge his or her emotions and be willing to ask, "How can I help?" Focus on what can be done now, instead of what should have been done and wasn't.

6.  Ask yourself, why is s/he being difficult?  Why would s/he say something like that?  What's going on in his/her world that compels him/her to act like that?  How would I feel if that had happened to me? These questions can help you experience the other person's perspective and respond with sensitivity rather than sarcasm.

7.  Remember, you do not have to address every injustice and irritation that comes along.  To simply let something go can be an act of maturity.