May 2011   

Love and Respect 

Is there enough love and respect in your relationship?  Do you and your partner show each other empathy, support, care, affection, friendship, sympathy and love?  How do you express such emotions? How is that expression received by your partner? Where could you improve in the ways that you express love and respect?

Take this quiz to find out.  Answer "yes" or "no" to each of the following statements, depending on whether you mostly agree or disagree.

1. My partner seeks out my opinions.
2. My partner cares about my feelings.
3. I don't feel ignored very often.
4. We touch each other a lot.
5. We listen to each other.
6. We respect each other's ideas.
7. We are affectionate toward one another.
8. My partner takes good care of me.
9. What I say counts.
10. I am important in our decisions.
11. There's lots of love in our relationship.
12. We are genuinely interested in one another.
13. I just love spending time with my partner.
14. We are good friends.
15. Even during rough times, we can be empathetic with each other.
16. My mate is considerate of my viewpoint.
17. My partner finds me physically attractive.
18. My partner expresses warmth toward me.
19. I feel included in my partner's life.
20. My partner admires me.

Scoring:  Clearly, the more "yes" answers you checked, the more you feel loved and respected by your partner.  In most cases, you will not feel as if your relationship is loving and respectful unless you say "yes" to at least 15 of these questions.

Now, ask your partner to take this quiz and then compare responses with each other.  What does it mean if there's a wide difference in the number of "yes" answers you checked versus the number your partner checked?  It means the two of you need to talk about what love and respect looks and feels like to each of you, about what you want to change, and how to meet each other's needs. 

This quiz was taken from John Gottman's book, Why Marriages Succeed Or Fail.