We all want others to do a good job listening to us and understanding us. It's how we get to know each other and maintain close relationships. Let's check in on your listening skills and see if there's something new you can learn and bring to your relationships.
Here's how to be a good listener:
1. Ask people you're close to how they're doing, and really listen to the answer. Let them talk about feelings, situations and problems. Maintain eye contact to show that you're interested. Resist the urge to give advice, just let them get the information out.
2. Summarize and repeat back what you've heard, focusing on the emotions they're feeling. For example, "It sounds like things are really challenging at work right now and that you're feeling overwhelmed."
3. Ask them to tell you more about what they're feeling, in order to allow them to have more of an emotional release. This can be more helpful than focusing on the facts of the situation.
4. Keep the focus on the other person, rather than sharing a similar experience of your own. This will help them to feel genuinely cared for and understood.
5. Look for solutions once they've gotten their feelings out, if they are ready to do so. Listing ideas and options and the pros and cons can be very helpful.
Always:
Stay present - don't just pretend to listen as you think about your response, really focus on them, not you.
Don't give advice - unless you're asked for advice, don't jump in to "fix" the problem. This can come across as condescending and often people just want to be heard.
Focus on feelings first - you may feel uncomfortable listening to emotions and not working on changing them or solving the problem right away. Trust that once the emotional part is processed, it will be easier to think through the solutions.
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 As I wrote this newsletter, I was reminded that we can't change others, only ourselves. If you want better communication and stronger connections with the people you're close to, try improving your listening skills. Watch and see how that changes the relationship dynamics. Sometimes, we don't realize how we contribute to the very things we don't like in our relationships.
I hope you'll consider the possibilities!
All the best,
Kristen
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