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What's Healthy about Boundaries?
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One of the most important aspects of healthy people and healthy relationships is boundaries. Personal boundaries are the limits we set in all types of relationships. They allow us to protect ourselves and come from having a good sense of our own self-worth. They make it possible for us to separate our own thoughts and feelings from those of others and to take responsibility for what we think, feel and do. Boundaries allow us to enjoy ourselves and live as unique individuals. Intact boundaries are flexible - they allow us to get close to others when it is wise to do so and maintain our distance when we might be harmed by getting too close. Good boundaries protect us from abuse and pave the way to achieving true intimacy. They help us take care of ourselves.
Some examples of healthy boundaries are:
- Feeling like your own person
- Feeling responsible for your own happiness
- Togetherness and separateness are balanced
- Friendships exist outside the relationship
- Focus is on the best qualities of both people
- Open, honest and assertive communication
- Commitment to one's partner
- Respecting the differences in one's partner
- Accepting changes in the relationship
- Asking honestly for what is wanted and needed
- Accepting endings
Examples of unhealthy boundaries:
- Feeling incomplete without your partner
- Relying on your partner for your happiness
- Too much or too little togetherness
- Inability to establish/maintain friendships with others
- Focus is on the worst qualities of the partners
- Game-playing, manipulation, unwilling to listen
- Jealousy, relationship addiction or lack of commitment
- Feeling afraid or unable to express what is wanted or needed
- Unable to let go, when relationships end
When two people with healthy boundaries develop a relationship they can find true intimacy as whole, complete and equal people! |
