Successful relationships have 4 important qualities
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Research shows that successful relationships, those in which both partners say that they are satisfied, have the following four qualities:
- Both
people are free to share personal information and be open and honest,
knowing they will be accepted rather than judged. This is not to
suggest that every little issue has to be discussed, of course
boundaries are important too.
- Both partners are knowledgeable about themselves and eager to learn about their mates. When you approach life openly and objectively, recognizing your own limitations and abilities, you can use this knowledge to enhance the success of your relationship.
- There
is minimal criticism of one another. The message that comes through as
a healthy couple interacts is the message of respect, acceptance and
love.
- In productive, long-term relationships there is a lot of talking, not only about personal issues but also ideas, events, other people, and other general information. Both partners are free to communicate with the knowledge that the other is listening and willing to engage in a mutual dialog.
What keeps relationships from being healthy? Watch out for:
- Expecting that your partner will fill up the holes in your life.
- Allowing disrespectful behaviors and comments.
- Taking the relationship or your partner for granted.
- Letting fun and playfulness fade out of the relationship.
For help with communication please click on the link below:
For help with building intimacy in your relationship:
Recommended reading - Getting the Love you Want, Harville Hendrix
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For the past twenty years, I have been helping individuals and couples develop healthy relationships. Many times, my clients have had trouble imagining what a healthy relationship is. Everyone wants to be in one, yet we often lack the knowledge and internal resources to create and sustain one. One of the many major traps we fall into is focusing on our partner's shortcomings. I often hear complaints about various behaviors or personality traits, and the deep desire that one's partner change.
Relationships are so important to us that we will go to great lengths to make them work. Often all this effort is focused on changing the other. It is, of course, very frustrating because we cannot change others. We can communicate about how others affect us, but we don't have the power to change them or make them grow.
What we can do is to look at ourselves and see how we can grow as a person and improve the relationship.
Taking the focus off your partner is more powerful than you may think!
Warmly,
Dr. Kristen Platt
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
1151 Dove Street, Suite 200
Newport Beach, CA 92660
949) 422-5334
DrPlatt@OrangeCountyTherapy.org
www.OrangeCountyTherapy.org
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QUOTES
"To dream the person you would like your partner to be is to waste the person your partner is."
Anonymous
"The ultimate test of
a relationship is to disagree but hold hands."
Author Unknown
"The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are."
Stephen R. Covey
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