Have you ever wondered  how some people seem to effortlessly connect with others, even strangers, and are able to easily create closeness with people?  

Connecting with others and establishing a shared feeling of mutual closeness consists of a few practical steps, which can be learned.   

They include: 

• making and keeping eye contact,
• being willing to open up and reveal a few of the more private and personal parts of yourself,
• being inviting and receptive to another person sharing his or her innerself,
• taking an interest in someone else's feelings and experiences,
• being able to empathize with the other person's emotions,
• and communicating that you believe in him or her, that you're on his or her side.

That last one, communicating "I believe in you" to another person, is what Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein call a "charismatic adult" in their book

The Power of Resilience.  We all need and value such people in our lives, so it's easy to see why other people would gravitate toward, feel close to and want to be around these individuals.

Brooks and Goldstein offer some questions for you to ponder if you'd like to explore how you can increase your ability to be a "charismatic adult" with other people:

• Who are five people in your life with whom you feel most connected?  In what ways do you feel connected to each?
• What do you do to express this feeling of connectedness and to keep it alive?
• What people, adult or children, would list you as charismatic?   
• What do you say or do that would prompt them to call you charismatic?
• Are there any people who would say that your behavior toward them is contrary to your being charismatic?  If so, what would lead them to believe this?
• Who were the "charismatic adults" in your life when you were a child or adolescent?
• What are examples of what these "charismatic adults" said or did that caused you to consider them to be charismatic?
• If you are a parent, how often do you act as a "charismatic adult" with your children?
• Who are the charismatic people in your life today?
• What are the things they say or do which make them charismatic?
• As you think about the quality of your relationships, what are one or two things you might change to feel more connected to others, and for others to feel more connected to you?

Empathic people do not refrain from giving other people feedback, setting limits or speaking their mind.  Empathy is not giving in, losing yourself, or losing your thoughts and feelings.  But empathy does take other people's feelings into consideration, and incorporates those feelings into your ability to be more compassionate toward them.

We all know that having a positive relationship with someone who can provide support, encouragement, camaraderie, and optimism when you need it is very valuable.  Perhaps you can take a few steps toward creating a more positive relationship with those you care about.  I believe that your efforts will lead to a deeper sense of connection!