Relationship
Deprogramming
We've spent the last four months
writing about merging with your individual I AM Self and then about Self
Healing as an individual process. Over
the next few weeks we'll address a vital aspect of your individual self healing
process, relationships. You will
discover how little of current relationship knowledge will serve you in the
multi-dimensional reality of New Earth. Most
current relationship knowledge is based on separation consciousness, lack and
limitation. Many of us have created relationships
to complete something we experience as missing in us. The two most common relationship thought
patterns are "Someone out there has what I need to feel complete." or, "Someone
out there is trying to take something from me."
In New Earth, we won't want, or need, another to feel whole and
complete. When we need no other we can
balance our own divine masculine and divine feminine. This will draw to us healthy relationships
free of conditions. We will experience a
balanced energy exchange with those who have balanced themselves.
Once we become comfortable
working with our own I AM Self, we are ready to begin looking at our how we
have created our primary relationships. In
future articles we will look at our relationships with a beloved and learn how
to heal within a beloved relationship. For
now we ask you to look at the patterns or programming you've created out of need
and as a way to survive what was occurring in your life at that time. After you have looked within your
relationship patterning and programming, and used journaling to understand
deeper, you'll be ready to take what has surfaced into your self healing
process. There you will embrace each
more deeply, discover the underlying lessons, and ultimately release them once
and for all.
Remember, you created your own internal
programming. Despite the fact that
another person is included in the relationship, you only need to focus on
you. Their relationship issues can be
entirely different and they may not be ready to face their contracts and
lessons. This understanding helps you to
surface any patterns which no longer support you as you move to New Earth. This is a great opportunity for recognizing
and owning all the relationship issues in a fun way that will clear them as
they are embraced. What would life be
like if there were no relationship issues left and you dwelt in a reality of
paradise surrounded by those who supported you on your path without trying to
control it or you giving up your control?
Doing the work within is needed to reach this state of paradise. It is well worth the effort.
We've talked a lot about
attachments and limiting beliefs but that is not what we're talking about now. To survive and get along or to get ahead in
the world we've adopted programming and patterns of behavior that interfere
with us experiencing reality as our joyful creation. When we are open to evolving, these patterns
will begin to occur as relationship issues.
We suggest you stop using the word issues, which implies there is a
problem or something is wrong, and replace it with 'triggers'. Triggers are helpful to healing, awareness
and growth. They allow you to embrace event
as a wonderful opportunities to release something that interferes with your
movement along your ascension path. Our triggers will come from the people
around us, whether our family, friends, lovers, those we know on the internet or
in our spiritual or healing communities.
One example of this is a pattern
or programming by a young boy who feels it is his responsibility to take care
of his mom or sister and make them happy.
This pattern has replayed itself over and over again, resulting in him
having several relationships with needy women. They are drawn to him because he naturally
feels he must take care of them or fix them.
One day he realizes he is overly giving and caring for the women in his
life and he is receiving nothing in return.
He feels used and exhausted. This
is his trigger. It's a wonderful thing
to recognize our patterns and triggers and take them into our self-healing work
with our I AM Self. What a great
contribution this last person was to freeing him of this pattern he's had since
childhood.
Another example is within a
father daughter relationship. The more the
little girl flirts and plays the more attention daddy showers upon her. Little girls do that very well and Daddies
easily melt and shower even more attention on them. Those little girls grow up believing this is
how to attract a boy, get attention, receive affection, or get other things
they desire. Then they grow up and wind
up in a relationship which doesn't support their wisdom, knowledge, power and
independence. It only supports their
playfulness and willingness to be submissive.
This leaves her lacking self empowerment and now she can't imagine ever
leaving such a relationship. This can
happen time after time with all her male relationships, family and
friends. Now, on recognizing this and
taking it into Self Healing, imagine she is free to express her power and
wisdom and share it with another person who honors that in her. Can we say the men were the only ones to
blame here? No, as there is no blame for
either. It was all a story played out
for growth and learning.
Another
example is a young child suppressed from speaking what they feel because their
parents don't have time to listen or feel their words are nonsense or
silly. The child begins to hold everything in to avoid being verbally
'struck down'. Perhaps in school they spoke their truth and peers laughed
at them or the teacher carelessly explained in front of the whole class that
they were wrong. Now this child is grown up and begins to feel safe
sharing and teaching. Often people first come out of this suppressed
state by writing blogs on the internet where there is distance in
relationships. Blogging has been very
useful for many people learning to begin speaking their truth. It feels good to have readers pat them on the
back, agree with them and even admire them. But, one day a reader
disagrees and questions their knowledge and it sets off a trigger.
Instead of feeling excited to explain their truths to this person or happy to
entertain the idea of seeing it from another angle, the person becomes
defensive and feels threatened. They decide to back down, withdraw
and no longer express themselves. If they can see this event as an
opportunity to release old patterning they can be thankful for the experience
and begin living and speaking their truth without fear.
In
fact many blogs would be more Self Healing if they weren't written for an
audience. The time and energy in writing
a blog about awareness, a moment of truth recognized or spiritual growth could
benefit you greatly. Until you've
cleared your relationship triggers, it is highly likely that writing for an
audience will alter your writing. You
subconsciously color it with what you "know you should feel, do or say" or you
add something that will "make others respond positively to you." Journaling is a vital tool for Self
Healing. We are not saying you should
stop blogging. Rather we're recommending
your blogging time come after you've found the truth of something that arises
in journaling. You may even have more to
offer others after you have gone deeper into understanding it first.
We must always honor our self for
the creation of these patterns and programs.
They worked at the time. They
were what our Soul called us to do, especially when the patterns were adopted as
a child. We like to think of them as
survivor skills and tools to learn our most important lessons in life. In these examples, the lesson could be self
empowerment, independence and maybe even setting boundaries. The thing to look at as you review your
relationship history is not only the patterns, but the underlying lessons as
well. When you begin this work your life
and relationships move forward with purpose and fulfillment. It also opens the door to having a life
abundant with healthy relationships that serve you and your Higher Self. When you and your Higher Self are fully
connected you live in integrity and remain open to ascension.
Those of you who've been
following our newsletter will understand the process of journaling to grasp an
issue or pattern for deeper investigation.
Using the self healing techniques we've provided in earlier newsletters
will help greatly too. The following
inquiry involves journaling to disclose the typical relationship patterns
you've developed in your primary relationships since you were born. You will want to look at the following list
of relationships to see where you may have developed patterns that no longer
serve your Highest Good. Within each,
look at how you viewed yourself in the relationship. Then look at how you viewed the other
individual. You can make as many columns
as you want, evaluating how you felt at different ages. You may see shifts and you may see constant
patterning.
Relationship to
Father
Brothers
Male Teachers
Male Friends
Male Coworker
Male Boss
Male Authority figures
Male Teachers
Male Romantic Partners
Male Doctors/Healers
Mother
Sister
Female Teachers
Female Friends
Female Coworker
Female Boss
Female Authority figures
Female Teachers
Female Romantic Partners
Female Doctors/Healers
In this next section, we've
included some typical patterns to look for within each of the above
relationships. These are by no means all
inclusive, so be open to any other patterns that may arise into your awareness. Also notice
if any patterns are repetitive or one of a kind.
Giver/Caretaker - Nurtures, takes care of the other, fills the
Mom or Father figure
Receiver - Needs approval, needs guidance, needs a pat on the back
Leader - Listens to few. Must be in control. Feels responsible
for everyone
Follower - Easily surrenders to another for direction and
works for someone else's dream rather than their own. Believes everyone else is better than them.
Rebel - A loner who does not trust anyone. Does not believe anyone
& has few friends
Victim - Takes the blame for others, is a door mat, accepts
abuse
Drama Queen - Drama is always present in relationship yet
thinks the drama is not about them
Clown - Hiding behind humor, Feels responsible for making
others happy, seldom serious
Entertainer - Has to be the center of attention, It's
all about ME or I'm not happy
Again, these are only a few to
assist you in being more aware of the patterns and programming you have adopted
so that you can begin to identify triggers.
We will explain how to take this into Self Healing with your I Am Self
at another time. For now give yourself
time to see and embrace your truths around relationships. The most important thing is to be honest with
Your Self. No one else ever needs to see
this journaling.
Blessed IS,
J & J