Dear ,
Are you familiar with Tough Love for troubled teens? Well, think of this email as Tough Love For Halloween.
Here is Wikepedia's definition of Tough Love:"an expression used when someone treats another person harshly or sternly with the intent to help them in the long run."
Also, to be defined as tough love, there must also be some genuine feelings of affection behind the stern words.
Ahem, are you sitting down?
We need to talk.
I am walloping your inbox this week with tough love emails (meanmails you might call them)
out of concern that unless I demand it,
you will not get that candy out of your cupboards, off your desk, out
of your candy dishes and car and purse and out of sight. Do NOT let
people bring it to your office!
If you see them hauling it in, demand that they put it on their OWN hips!
I bet if , on Monday afternoon, you dumped the whole candy bowl in the
lunchroom garbage can everyone would actually THANK you for taking the
initiative.
If you do not GET IT GONE
it will get itself gone
into your mouth and onto the part of body you are resting on right now.
Now, not everyone becomes a skid in a candy store when faced with their favorite Mr GoodBar, although I don't really trust people who tell me they don't like candy
(I lump them into my distrust category of people that don't like dogs)
but most people (okay, women) I know
do what I did today.
I preached all week about how you all should buy candy that you don't like or better yet, are allergic to and
what did I do when I got to Costco?
I bought (or someone who looked just like me, it wasn't really me) THREE jumbo super duper size combo bags of
PEANUT M&Ms! SNICKERS! and MINI M&M's!(but I did wait until the last minute I get credit for that at least)
What happened?!!?
I'll tell you what happened.
It's called compartmentalization.
(Think Bill Clinton.)
In your conscious mind you think one thing and you get determined and psyched and you make a SMART plan and then
And then
And then your shadow mind sneaks up on you and
YOU BUY THE CANDY YOU LOVE.
We all know how this story ends.
So.
I need you to abide until November 1st (that's tomorrow-It's not called Soft Love).
Then first thing in the morning you have to clear it ALL out.
Let your kids keep only what they promise on their life not to let you
have, then ask them to hide it from you or if they are too little to
keep it themselves,
use TOUGH LOVE on them.
I apologize for my bullying tone but,
Just like with alcohol, no one wakes up the next morning and says "Honey! I wish I'd drunk MORE."
The same theory applies here.
No one in your family, and especially not you, will wake up Sunday morning and say, "Damn, I should've had ANOTHER Snickers!"
Trust me.
I know these are hard words to hear on the evening of literally the sweetest day of the year,
but if you can get it out of sight,
it really will be out of mind.
But if you can see it, you will eat it.
P.S. Tomorrow it will be 90% off.
It is still not a good deal.
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