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Two Renewal Coaching books from Dr. Douglas Reeves and Dr. Elle Allison are available online at Amazon.
Renewal in service of a greater good leads to sustainable change. Doug and Elle are accomplished keynote speakers and seminar leaders. Book Doug and Elle to speak in your organization or at your next conference or ask us how you can become a Renewal Coach. Visit us at www.renewalcoaching.com |
Do you know a
wise couple?
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| Do you know a wise couple who use the synergy from their relationship to do something great together? Tell me about a couple you know, married or not, gay or straight that you feel are living life with wisdom. The Wisdom Out Relationship project seeks to illuminate the nature of wisdom in couples - to shine a light on the way these couples navigate life together. |
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Greetings!
You are invited to forward this newsletter to anyone you think might like it. Please keep it completely intact, including the contact, logo, and copyright. Comments or Questions: elle@wisdomout.com
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Wise for Love: Advice for lovable fools who ask,"Is this love?"
"But can you save me? Come on and save me. If you could save
me. From the ranks of the freaks
who believe they can never love anyone." --Aimee Mann
"
More than a few years ago now, a
man said he loved me. It was a
traumatic experience for him. The thought of uttering those
three small words unnerved him to the point that he conjured a torso to toe
case of eczema upon himself. He
was so edgy, so skittish, so shifty eyed (from the unbearable irritation of his
eczema, I later learned), that for most of the morning I thought he was getting
ready to break up with me. Well, I
knew something was wrong. We spent the afternoon in the doctor's
office so he could get an injection of steroids.
If ever there was a practical application for wisdom, "love" is it.
After all, it is in relationships where people struggle the most. We throw back tequila and we huddle with friends over wine to work over the dilemmas we face. "How do I know this
person is the one?" "What does
chemistry have to do with it?" "Will
this person make a commitment and love me forever?" "Can we each be ourselves
in this relationship but also "be" for the other person?" "What if someone "better" is just
around the corner?"
The fundamental question is this: How do people know when they've met The One?
It turns out, that the more time
you find yourself asking these questions about a particular person, the less
likely it is that the relationship is going to work out. At least that's what people known
for their wisdom in love and life have to say.
Catherine Munson, a smart and generous business woman and
philanthropist in Marin County, known for her wisdom far and wide, finds the
anguish some people experience around love charmingly curious to those of us
who are perennially perplexed. She
said, "Yes, I've heard that people
struggle with finding true love, but I've never felt that myself. In all the relationships I've chosen, they
felt right, right from the start."
Not to say that love is without
patience. Dr. Brenda Shoshanna,
author of Zen and the Art of Falling in
Love (2003) writes, "When we judge a person quickly and discard him
because he does not meet a preconceived notion we have, we are short-circuiting
our own ability to find love" (pg. 14).
A couple I'll call Carl and Julie,
lived on a sailboat together for twelve years and were known around the dock
for the way they beam around each other.
When I asked them about love, they also referenced the powerful combination
of both certainty and patience.
Carl, a fluid speaker as long as he can apply a sailing metaphor said,
"It's like knowing exactly where you want to sail but you enjoy where you are
while you wait for the right winds to blow...er, wait, no, it's like knowing
where to put down your anchor, but you understand that it might drag from time
to time." Julie said, "What Carl
is trying to say is that with a little time you notice you are mutually growing
more certain, not more doubtful about each other."
I have not been with my eczema inflicted
ex-lover for years. I
wanted something more than where that relationship was going and he did not. Still, it took a surprising amount of
nerve for me to finally end it (a topic we will examine through the lens of
wisdom in the future). In the
intervening years, I have gotten pretty good at walking away early from doubts that grow and certainties that diminish. As a result, I go out with the dog an
awful lot. But my acumen for love
has been honed and recently I see that the
absence of drama makes the presence of wise love stand out in stark, miraculous
relief.
Tell me your story of finding real love through wisdom. Write to me at elle@WisdomOut.com.
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Elle Allison
Wisdom Out |
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Wisdom Quote
"We never ask the meaning of life when we are in love."
--Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
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Refer a wise couple to the Wise For Love Project
The mission of the
"Wise in Love" series is to illuminate the nature of love and
relationships through the lens of
wisdom.
I welcome your referrals of
wise couples (please don't nominate yourself as my work depends on
referrals)-those plucky partners who are navigating life together quite
well
and who have an impact on others. These wise couples can be married or unmarried, gay or straight. Remember, wisdom is not always
associated with age or how long a couple has been together (some people
have
been together for a miserably long time).
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Who can't use a little more wisdom?
Elle is available for keynotes about the nature of wisdom and how it shows up in life, work, and love.
Bring author Dr. Elle Allison into your organization or business as a keynote speaker on the topic of wisdom. Elle customizes each presentation to meet your participant's unique needs and molds every topic to address the specific issues of the industry and audience. Her pre-conference interviews of participants even allow her to weave in specific wisdom stories from your organization. For more information, please visit the Wisdom Out website at http://www.wisdomout.com/wisdom-keynotes.html
Especially during this time of economic hardship for many, please consider the kids in your neighborhood and the effect hunger has on their ability to learn. Donate what you can to your local food bank.
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