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BobBattleLaw.com Newsletter:
Surviving the Sizzlin' Summer of 2010
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Greetings!
It's official, Richmonders, the National Weather Service has compiled the numbers for this summer
(the months of June, July, and August), and here's where we stand:
- This summer's average temperature of 81.3 degrees makes it the
hottest on record. The previous warmest was the summer of 1900, which
had an average temperature of 79.6 degrees.
- So far this year, Richmond has had 10 days with temperatures of 100 degrees or above, which breaks the old record of 9 set in 1954.
- Additionally, there have been 37 days with highs at 95 or above, breaking the old record of 35 set in 2002.
- For the year, Richmond has seen 71 days of 90 or
above, which breaks the record of 70 set in 1977. (That number still rising- today's predicted high- 93 degrees.)
Of course you won't see any other Virginia publication reporting these
stats, especially University of Virginia climate scientists for fear that they will be sued by Virginia's Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli (aka the late night comedian's best friend), when he finds some time between suing the Environmental Protection Agency, suing the federal government over health care reform and covering up women's breasts on classical artwork.
Yes, Virginia's AG issued lapel pins covering up Virtus' (the Roman goddess of virtue) left breast- surprised he didn't find the sword way too phallic for his sense of virtue!
One comment about global warming and the so-called "CO2 hoax:" the only places I see "CO2 hoax" signs are in front of houses with car engines hanging from their trees and on the back of broken down pick-up trucks. Call me crazy, Billy Bob, but I value the opinion of the Ph.D's a whole lot more than the G.E.D.'s. I also am no expert on carbon dioxide and pollution, but I am certain that the carbon monoxide from the broken down muffler on your piece of junk truck is polluting the air.
NOTE: I intentionally keep the tone of this Newsletter very light and I know we have subscribers who are passionate about the existence of this "global warming hoax." So, if reading my comments above has fired you up enough to respond with some diatribe, send that response to someone who might read it. You can send it to "Mr. Albert Gore, c/o Tipper's Doghouse, USA."
So, you ask, how did the Battle family beat the heat this summer?
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Swim Team Review: Conor Battle on pace to erase Michael Phelps' records
As a parent, one hears horror stories that parents of kids who play certain sports are the "worst." Author John Grisham is famous for requiring parents to sit in the outfield bleachers and keep quiet during their children's Little League baseball games. (He built the field, he makes the rules!) Other leagues have instituted "gag orders" for parents. I had heard some comments about soccer parents and, after 5 years of watching my boys compete in soccer leagues, I have not seen any out of control parents. So, when 9 year-old Conor decided to try swim team this summer for the first time, I was interested to see if some of the whispering about "swim parents" was true. Again, the exact opposite is true. Swim team parents are amazing. First, unlike the hour it takes for soccer or basketball games, swim meets take 5+ hours. During the past swim season, several meets took 2 nights because of thunderstorms.
So, I would like to give big kudos to all you swim parents, especially those who volunteer and organize the meets. My wife Ellen and I can't get our 2 kids dressed in their pajamas and ready for bed in under an hour and these swim team events process kids in an orderly manner through about 100 races per meet. It is such a brutal job that a lot of meets take a break in the middle so that the parent volunteers can jump in the pool- with their clothes on! (That is not a joke.)
In one meet on yet another oppressively hot evening, Ridge Top stroke judge (I think that's what you call him) John Farmer had a belt loaded with bottles of various drinks in an attempt to remain hydrated that would have made Gunga Din proud.
However, one parent stands out as "Swim Team Parent of the Year"- Avalon swim team volunteer Sarah Whelan. For an entire swim meet on a 95 degree, 98% humidity afternoon meet, Sarah was assigned the task of grilling hamburgers. Not that this isn't a nightmare assignment for anyone, but Sarah is a vegan! Next year, the swim team has promised Sarah a role that is far less morally offensive to her- she is going to stand in the kiddy pool with a baseball bat and club any baby seals that may wander into the swim meet!Of course the Whelan boys were not being subjected to the usual parental B.S. when their old man, Richmond trial lawyer Dennis told them, "You call that hot, when I was younger I put up with some real heat at the swimming pool." You see, prior to law school, Dennis was a member of the U.S. High Diving Team and regularly did dives as "Captain Inferno" where he would dive with his cape and costume on fire. (Again- not a joke- here is a picture of my man Dennis as Captain Inferno.) So how did the year go for swim team novice Conor Battle? During the course of the year, Conor shaved off a total of 45 seconds from his 50 yard freestyle time at the opening meet. Now, those "the pool is half empty types" may point out that the first meet time might not have been too impressive since most swimmers finish the 50 freestyle in under 45 seconds. Me, being a "pool is half full" kind of a guy would like to point out that if Conor continues with this dramatic improvement next season, he will be sprinting on top of the water like Dash in "The Incredibles" by the All Star meet in 2011! At current rate of improvement, Conor Battle projects to
a time of 2.8 seconds for the 50 freestyle next season!
In fact, I think that the pressure from up and coming swim stars like Conor Battle has put so much pressure on Michael Phelps that he has turned to recreational drugs to deal with the stress. I've got to give Phelps credit, even though some major sponsors have dumped him, he has picked up some new endorsements, like the cereal below! One bizzare thing about the whole swim team experience- although "talking smack" is frowned upon in most youth sports, writing smack graffiti on yourself and teammates at swim meets is apparently OK. It was always disconcerting (and,yes, amusing) to see an adorable little 8 year-old swimmer walk by and see that she had written on her back shoulders in magic marker the words- "Eat my bubbles!"
Congratulations to all the Kanawah Firefish Swim Team members on a great year. |
I hope all you loyal readers had a great summer. Watch out for the new Virginia 70 mph speed limit- anything above 80 mph is still the criminal misdemeanor of "Reckless Driving Speeding"
Next issue-
*Emmett and Conor back to school update-new schools, 5 year old heartbreaker Emmett changes wedding plans, both boys now officially smarter than their old man
*Also, speaking of heat- Bob-L wrapped up in royal tabloid controversy- you won't believe the photos!
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Sincerely,
Bob Battle
VA Reckless Driving & DUI lawyer
www.BobBattleLaw.com
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More TV Trivia
| WHERE ARE THEY NOW?- My Newsletter contest about "Outer Limits" shows and "Man from Uncle" references was such a big hit, I have another bit of trivia I stumbled across on our end of summer cruise. What is actor George Wendt, who portrayed one of my favorite TV characters of all time, Norm on the show "Cheers," starring in now? Hint- it ain't pretty. Winner gets a free pitcher of beer.
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