Greetings!

Today, Martin Luther King day is a time to focus on freedom and letting go of division, conflict, and negativity in all ways. Not only was this a great dream Martin Luther had, but a reality that he set into motion. This reality must be preciously guarded, not only in the world and in our communities, but in our own lives. Each of us must find ways to bring warmth, understanding and good will into our every encounter. This takes vigilance and practice, and a willingness to take time to weed our own garden. It is well worth doing so, as every simple act of kindness we offer is a steppingstones towards healing the whole world.

This newsletter is dedicated to those who wish to learn he simple laws of love and how to practice them in all their relationships. Combining Eastern and Western wisdom, we discover easy, enjoyable steps to take which help make our relationships all we want them to be and allow us to live life to the brim.

Common sense tells us we must fight our enemies. The peace in our lives and the lives of others is shattered because of this strong belief. Enemies consume time, attention, resources, well- being and happiness in life itself. And the odd thing about enemies is that even when we defeat one, ten more seem to immediately appear. There's a better way to deal with enemies, it's easy, safe and completely sure.

How To Get Rid Of Enemies Easily

The smartest, simplest and easiest way to get rid of your enemy is to turn him/her into a friend. It actually takes only a moment to do this. Stop for a moment and ask yourself, who decided this person or situation is my enemy? You did. Now you can turn that decision around and decide the person is a friend. You can decide to become a friend to that person, (or to that situation or condition). You can decide simply to stop fighting and to respond with kindness and care. You can choose to see other aspects of that person, which are not in opposition to you. Once you step out of the dance they are doing, how can they hurt you?

The True Enemy In Your Life

The next step, if you were ready, would be to take a deep breath and realize where the true enemy is hiding. What exactly is it that is keeping you in constant turmoil?

This is the moment to realize that your true enemy is within. It is your very own hatred, anger, fear and upset. The true enemy is the propensity we have for projecting our anger and fear outside into the world, for pinning it on people and situations and then battling with them. Until we stop this, more and more enemies will keep appearing. Ultimately, they are the creations of our own mind and heart.

The shadow, according to Robert Bly, is darkness within ourselves that we cannot accept, that we then project onto a person outside of ourselves. When we "eat the shadow", we re-absorb the projection, realize that the darkness we see in them, is in ourselves.

It is extremely disempowering to project your darkness upon someone else. It gives the other person power over you. You fear they can harm you, worry that they are dangerous, possibly, the stronger one. It is far more empowering to be willing to feel and face what is going on within. From there it is only a step to be able to see your common humanity and needs, and find solutions to the conflicts between you.

Below are some steps to take, to live a life free of enemies. Try them and see how easy and enjoyable they really are.

Step 1: Make Friends With Your Enemy

Allow yourself a moment of willingness to consider the possibility that your enemy is not that different from you. Your enemy wants the same things in life and is, most likely, just as afraid of you as you are of them.

Say to yourself - "Like me, my enemy wants to be happy and safe. Like me, me, my enemy has suffered and wants to be free of pain. Like me, my enemy is lonely. Like me, my enemy will one day face loss and death."

Step 2: Who Is Your Enemy

A)Make a list of those people (or situations) you feel are your enemies. (You may be astonished to note that even those you love are fearful to you).

Write down three valuable qualities this enemy has.

C)Write down three ways you have gained from knowing them.

D)Write down what is needed for you to see them as a friend.

Step 3: Eating The Shadow

A)Upon whom have you projected most negativity?

B)What about this person is so unacceptable?

C)Can you see these qualities in yourself as well?

D) For just a moment, can you accept these qualities in yourself? (This doesn't mean act upon them, just accept them for what they are now).

Step 4: Reclaiming Your Power

Reclaim your power. See that which is mutual between you and your enemy, see how you are alike.

A)Offer your enemy the gift of respect.

B)Offer your enemy the gift of really listening and knowing them.

C) Stop judging your enemy. Let them be who they are.

D)Give your enemy what they want and need. Just one time.

E) Do it again now.

F)Notice how wonderful it feels.

Step 5 Where Is The Enemy Now?

A) Write down the differences between you and your enemy

B)Write down the similarities.

C) Take time to notice how it feels to live in a world of friends?

(This article is based upon The Anger Diet (30 days to Stress Free Living, by Dr Shoshanna).

The Anger Diet

This time of life does not have to be wrought with anger, fear and reprisals. There are ways to work through differences which are fair, balanced.Using the tools and skills of mediation, new solutions can be developed and rather than remaining adversaries, individuals can learn how to become Partners in Change.

The process of mediation focuses upon integrity, dialogue, good will and practical wisdom. It is dedicated to creating personalized, unique agreements, plans, solutions and blueprints, so that a present relationship can be transformed into one that will be supportive and constructive for all concerned. .

Mediation is a guard against escalating differences, adversarial positions and increasing emotional and financial costs. The entire process is simple, healing and timely.

A free half hour consultation is available so you can find out more

We mediate conflict in:

Relationships

Families

Marriages

Div orce

Post divorce

:SCHEDULE

Shoshanna will be offering a course at Marymount College at the end of January - Everyone Wins Mediation: Creative Mediation and Conflict Resolution

Workshop, Jan. 22nd - from Anger to Peace of Mind.

Everyone wins also provide training and programs which offer psychological, spiritual and practical guidance in resolving conflict creatively, building healthy, empowering relationships, dealing with loss and change, learning to communicate responsibly and living a life dedicated to the highest good of all.

These programs are custom designed for associations, hospitals, professionals, clergy, the community and workplace.

Learn more at: http://www.newyorkmediates.com

Grudges can go deep and do a lot of damage in relationships. If you cannot bring yourself to discuss it openly with the person, and yet want to clear your bad feelings away, here's a little exercise. Sit down and write down exactly what this person did to hurt you. How long ago did it take place? How long are you holding onto this? Now, also write down all the things he did that were kind, nourishing and beneficial. In the largest context, where does it fit?

You can go further now and also write down anytime you've ever done whatever it was he did to you, to another person? Was it forgivable? Were there other things that redeemed the relationship? By taking the largest view both of your own behavior and your partner's you may be better able to put this in context and move on. All good wishes.

Practice the 21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships

This exercise is simple, but very powerful. Just as you are about to say something in anger, hold your tongue.

It is very easy to let a moment's anger get the better of us and say something we will later regret. However, once words are spoken, they can never be taken back.

Count to ten, bite your lips, breathe deeply. Do anything until the angry moment passes. You can then consider calmly what to say. Try to include compassion for the other, and it will always bring much better results.

Read more about a life gratitude in Living By Zen (Timeless Truths For Everyday Life)

"Project Oatmeal" helps provide oatmeal for NY's only food rescue program, City Harvest, to distribute to its contacts at more than 600 emergency food shelters throughout the five boroughs of NYC. The food agencies then put that oatmeal directly into the hands of the hungry within a few days -- sometimes within a few hours--of receiving it. Project Oatmeal has cut a deal with Krasdale Foods (in the Bronx) to supply oatmeal at only $1.66 per 42 ounce cannister, which comes out to just 16 cents a meal. For a donation of just $1.66 you can provide over 10 meals immediately to help the hungry in NYC.

Go to http://www.projectoatmeal.org to find out more.

Find out more

Bringing Heaven to Earth: Relationships As Spiritual Practice, Sunday February 17th.10 a.m. to 1 p.m., Chelsea, NY. (Part of Leonard Orr's One Year Semianr).

To Love All Beings, Saturday February 23, all day, at Fire Lotus Zendo, Brooklyn, N.Y.For more information on the workshops, please contact Dr Shoshanna at topspeaker@yahoo.com

Dr. Shoshanna is also teaching a course this next month at Marymount College: Everyone Wins Mediation: Creative Conflict Resolution

Dr. Shoshanna's Work

In this revealing, intimate book, I ask the men themselves and they provide some startling and enlightening answers. Drawing on hundreds of interviews, I present men's own words and perspectives about the various reasons their relationships fell apart. You'll be surprised and relieved to hear what they have to say. Usually the reason men leave, has nothing to do with you. Some of the topics covered in the book include, The Fear of Committment, Ghosts of Past Relationships, The Mid-Life Crisis, The Repetition Compulsion, Competition With In-Laws, The Fantasy Woman, and many others.

Why keep going without understanding?Take new steps today to learn more about men and relationships, feel better about yourselves and findthe courage to love again.

Living by Zen (Timeless Truths for Everyday Life). www.livingbyzen.com

In this book you will discover the 2,000 Year Old Zen Secrets To Being Calm, Balanced and Positive, No Matter What Is Going On.

Probably the biggest need all of us have is to feel calm, balanced and positive no matter what is going on in our lives. This is exactly what you will feel when you begin to work with the unique program inside this e-book.

Living By Zen explores the things that steal your peace of mind, different ways you handle stress and why they do not work.

Download the book now and enjoy.

Living By Zen (Timeless Truths For Everyday Life)

Probably the biggest need all of us have is to experience a wonderful, loving relationship where we can be ourselves, and share our lives with someone meaningful. This is exactly what you will be able to create when you begin to work with the unique program inside my e-book, Save Your Relationship.

In the program you will discover the common mistakes people make in relationships and how to turn them around. You'll see why it's impossible to fail at love, once you understand how to build a foundation that can weather any storm.

Why not throw away old relationship habits and start new right now?

To find out more and order a copy, go to the website, http:.//www.truthaboutlove.com

GIVE A GIFT

Give a session with Dr. Shoshanna in person or on the phone, or invite Dr. Shoshanna to talk or offer a workshop in your community. She speaks on many topics including:

Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships

From Anger to Peace of Mind (The Anger Diet)

Everyone Wins Mediation: "How To Get from I to We

Journey Through Illness , Loss and Change

- Dr. Shoshanna's programs are available as talks, half day workshops, full day , or week-end workshops.Contact us for more information. topspeaker@yahoo.com

Or, perhaps you'd like to give someone you care for a copy of one of Dr. Shoshanna's books such as Zen and The Art of Falling In Love, filled with delightful stories,guidelines and steppingstones to love, based on Zen practice.

Get a copy of Save Your Relationship today.

Everyone wants to be beautiful, young, healthy, fit and to feel good about themselves. There is no end to available diets and workouts, but the most important diet has been overlooked.

This is a diet that releases stress, lets you sleep soundly at night, reduces cravings and brings new friends into your life. This diet gets rid of the number one toxin that destroys well-being - anger.

In Dr. Shoshanna book, The Anger Diet, you'll learn about the 24 forms of anger, the lies anger tells you, and how to stop it fast with the Emergency Technique. Each day you'll give up a different form of anger and replace it with a life changing antidote. The life changing effects of this diet will appear soon after starting.

There's no need to keep going the way you have been. Choose to feel good today. Get a copy of The Anger Diet and see how easy it is to say no to upset.

The greatest obstacle we have to feeling good, healthy and loving is anger which accosts us in many ways and camouflages itself. Here are some quick Anger Busters, which can help us dissolve this toxic energy on the spot. They are based upon Dr Shoshanna's book, The Anger Diet, (30 Days To Stress Free Living).

Anger Busters For Everyday Life

Speak kindly to someone who's angry with you.

If someone has a complaint against you, really stop and listen.

Find 3 things you really like and respect about your opponent.

Give someone you are upset with the benefit of the doubt.

) Stop trying to control the person you are angry with. Let them be who they are.

If you are right in a dispute, give up being right (for that moment, or day). Let the other person keep his/her pride.

If two people you know are in a fight, speak well of each one of them to the other.

Put the other person ahead of yourself. (You do not to always be "first")

Do a forgiveness workout:

Make a point of forgiving at least one person you haven't yet forgiven everyday.

Ask yourself, "How much suffering is enough?" Am I willing to feel good today?

Remember:We Are Not Hurt By What People Say and Do. (It's our reactions that hurt us)

Anger Tells Us Lies

Anger Can Become An Addiction

We Can Choose Our Responses

The Best Way to Defend Yourself Against Anger Is To Feel Good About Yourself

Think About What You Can Give, Not Get

What We See In Others, We Bring Out In Them

You Cannot Be Insulted, If You Do Not Take It As An Insult

Being Healthy and Loving is More Important Than Being Right

When We Identify Ourselves As Victims, We Attract Victimizers

When We Expect Something, We Draw It To Ourselves

We Can Change The Whole Course of Our Lives By Changing Our Attitude Towards It

"May all beings have happiness and the courses of happiness"

Melt Away Toxic Feelings On The Anger Diet