Greetings!

As Thanksgiving approaches we all take time to stop and fully appreciate the wonders that are before us, to give thanks and acknowledge the many gifts we receive day by day. Although this is a specific time of remembering and giving, it is so important to take this state of mind and maintain it throughout the year. There is no better practice than that of thankfulness. It not only permeates our own lives but touches all those we come into contact with. While you enjoy family and friends over the holiday, reach out and extend your gifts and thankfulness to those around you.

Blessings to all of you during this beautiful season.

This newsletter is dedicated to those who wish to learn he simple laws of love and how to practice them in all their relationships. Combining Eastern and Western wisdom, we discover easy, enjoyable steps to take which help make our relationships all we want them to be and allow us to live life to the brim.

The medicine is the practice of thankfulness. Although there are endless cures for anxiety, one thing is impossible - to be upset and grateful at the same time.

When we take thankfulness on as a practice, we see that it is more than a fleeting feeling, instead it becomes a daily practice, a basic way of life. In fact, no matter what we are feeling, we can always perform deeds of thanks; actions that express our gratitude and awareness of the good we constantly receive. Actually, when we perform these actions, our feelings often turn themselves around.

Thankfulness takes many forms, but unless it is translated into action it does not have the ongoing impact we are speaking of. But as we constantly express our gratitude we inevitably become more and more aware of all we have to be grateful for, and all we have to give. Feelings of emptiness and deprivation vanish. Our giving to others begins to arise not from obligation or debt, not from being superior to another, but from the fullness we all receive.

There are two important aspects of this practice; one works with our actions, the other with our attention and focus. Rather than give in to our usual self-centered focus, in the practice of thankfulness, we take our attention off our habitual complaining mind, and continually make ourselves aware of what we are receiving, moment by moment, day by day.

Most of the time we feel we are constantly giving and receiving little. Many of the complaints in relationships arises from this root. However, when instead we focus upon all we receive, we may become shocked, even overwhelmed. A strong support and underpinning for this practice comes from Naikan therapy, which was developed in Japan. Naikan is simple, simple, direct and incredibly powerful. It can be done by anyone at anytime. In Naikan, we take time to focus upon and answer three fundamental questions; it is best to get a notebook for this, sit down and write your answers down, very carefully and specifically. A Naikan sitting usually takes from thirty to forty minutes. The three questions are:

What did I receive today?

What did I give today?

What trouble or pain did I cause today?

Answering these questions carefully and persistently can change our lives. The third question does not exist to create guilt, but simple awareness of our behavior and its effect upon others. When we notice that we have caused some trouble or pain, we can then simply correct it. And once we are aware of it, it is much less likely we will do it again.

We do not ask how was I hurt or upset today. The mind constantly dwells upon this question and the purpose of Naikan is to balance our lives and minds.

We can do Naikan on the day, or on anything else. In the Naikan retreats that go on, we do Naikan on relationships, taking three years at a sitting.

What did I receive from this person?

What did I give to this person?

What trouble or pain did I cause this person?

As we do this wonderful simple practice daily we naturally become more aware of and grateful for the many, many gifts we constantly receive (most of which we have either taken for granted or been unaware of. The fullness we usually seek in others, comes to us on its own. And then, inevitably we just want to give back. It happens naturally. When we are so filled with thanks and plenty, it is impossible not to do so.

The practice of thankfulness, of acknowledging others, giving back to them, being aware of and moved by the good we are giving, can heal many aspects of a life. It washes old hurts and resentments away. It opens the door for good to arrive. It is a gift we give to ourselves which others receive simultaneously.

When an individual leaves a relationship, or is not functioning well in it, the bottom line is that there has been a lack of gratitude - they feel unappreciated,unacknowledged, unknown for who they truly are and all they can be. When flowers receive plenty of sun and water, they grow unabashedly. Human relationships are no different. The sun of gratitude goes a very long way.

By doing "deeds of thanks", expressing our thankfulness through actions, for example, giving of gifts,emotional gifts, physical gifts, gifts of service, friendliness, honesty,a strong foundation is built in any relationship - a foundation which allows the relationship to thrive. These deeds must be performed consistently, much the way we brush our teeth each day.

When you awake in the morning and face heaviness or sadness that day, simply ask yourself,"What can I do to make this day wonderful for someone? What are they needing? How can I help supply that need?

In this practice we take our focus off our expectations of the other and instead focus upon how we can help them to grow. This is not a matter of self-sacrifice, but a matter of becoming all we truly are. Through giving to the other, we also grow. To do this we must change our focus, giving up the tunnel vision most of us have lived with our whole life long.

No relationship or project can falter when it is based upon deep caring for the other and for our true selves. Our true self wants to give, it wants to open its heart and sing songs. Unless our actions in relationships comes out of this foundation, no lasting well being can occur.

A great psychologist "Jourard once said, "We become sick because we act in sickening ways." When our actions, however, are firmly based upon giving,and deeds of worth, this is the road to happy relationships and to lasting health.

This article is based upon the principles of our new Center - Peaceful Harbor(Center for Discovering and Developing Peace of Mind). You can learn more about them in Living by Zen, (Timeless Truths for Everyday Life.

Living By Zen (Timeless Truths for Everyday Life)

This time of life does not have to be wrought with anger, fear and reprisals. There are ways to work through differences which are fair, balanced and can actually contribute to both partner's growth and well- being.

The process of mediation focuses upon integrity, dialogue, good will and practical wisdom. It is dedicated to creating personalized, unique agreements, plans and solutions for each situation, so that a present relationship can be transformed into one that will be supportive and constructive for all concerned.

Even when the decision to divorce is made, the couple's life together as parents is not ending. Not only it is necessary to agree on fundamentals of child rearing, but you will see each other over and over at significant life events. It is extremely beneficial to create a blueprint for this new relationship, which will prevent upset, anger and conflict from arising .

The process of mediation is a guard against escalating differences, adversarial positions and increasing emotional and financial costs. There are no large retainers. Payment is on an hourly basis.The entire process is simple, healing and timely.

A free half hour consultation is available so you can find out more about the process.

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Everyone Wins Mediation is one of the offerings of Peaceful Harbor (Center for Discovering and Developing Peace of Mind).

The Center will also provide training and programs which offer psychological, spiritual and practical guidance in resolving conflict creatively, building healthy, empowering relationships, dealing with loss and change, learning to communicate responsibly and living a life dedicated to the highest good of all. These programs are custom designed for associations, hospitals, professionals, clergy, the community and workplace.

Learn more at: http://www.yourpeacefulharbor.com

Why Men Leave

Firstly, the more we ask someone else to give us what we feel we need, the easier it is to drive them away. A person can begin to feel like an object who is there to fill you up. It is important to turn this around, and begin to find ways to fulfill your own needs yourself. Take a look at what you are truly needing. Find ways to give it to yourself. Also begin to give to your partner what it is you want from them. As you do this, you will not be a demanding individual, but a giving one. Your partner will feel the change. There will be less pressure and criticism. He may then naturally be able to open up and give to you. If not, once you are strong and independent, once you become a giving person on your own, it will become truly clear to you whether or not this relationship is one in which both of you can grow. But for now, it is important to become your own best friend.

Practice the 21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships

Get a large piece of paper and design an attractive wall hanging that reads, Best Friend Award, granted to ---, with the name of your best friend on it. Include anything else you choose; the date, how long you've been friends, and the qualities the person has.

Have the award printed professionally on fine paper and include an interesting border design. When it is complete, frame it.

Call and invite the friend to dinner. At dinner, present the award. Your friend will be startled and delighted.

Read more about a life gratitude in Living By Zen (Timeless Truths For Everyday Life)

He will be in New York doing a book signing in Huntington, Long Island on Friday evening November 30th, from 7:30 - 9 p.m.

I AM Books

315 Main Street

Huntington, NY

(631) 271-5683

The next day there will be an all day re-birthing seminar.

For more information call: (917)579-1449 or RebirthingNYC@gmail.com

GIVE A GIFT

Give a session with Dr. Shoshanna in person or on the phone, or invite Dr. Shoshanna to talk or offer a workshop in your community. She speaks on many topics including:

Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships

From Anger to Peace of Mind (The Anger Diet)

Everyone Wins Mediation: "How To Get from I to We

Journey Through Illness , Loss and Change

- Dr. Shoshanna's programs are available as talks, half day workshops, full day , or week-end workshops.Contact us for more information. topspeaker@yahoo.com

Or, perhaps you'd like to give someone you care for a copy of one of Dr. Shoshanna's books such as Zen and The Art of Falling In Love, filled with delightful stories,guidelines and steppingstones to love, based on Zen practice.

Everyone Wins Mediation

After a relationship ends, whether it's a twenty-year marriage, or a promising romance that becomes disappointing, women ask what went wrong over and over again. Usually they blame themselves, feeling that it they had done something different things wouldn't have turned out as they did. A great deal of the pain and upset is due to the fact that they don't really understand what happened, what caused the man to go.

In this revealing, intimate book, I ask the men themselves and they provide some startling and enlightening answers. Drawing on hundreds of interviews, I present men's own words and perspectives about the various reasons their relationships fell apart. You'll be surprised and relieved to hear what they have to say. Usually the reason men leave, has nothing to do with you.

Some of the topics covered in the book include, The Fear of Committment, Ghosts of Past Relationships, The Mid-Life Crisis, The Repetition Compulsion, Competition With In-Laws, The Fantasy Woman, and many others.

Why keep going without understanding?Take new steps today to learn more about men and relationships, feel better about yourselves and findthe courage to love again.

Why Men Leave

In this book you will discover the 2,000 Year Old Zen Secrets To Being Calm, Balanced and Positive, No Matter What Is Going On.

Probably the biggest need all of us have is to feel calm, balanced and positive no matter what is going on in our lives. This is exactly what you will feel when you begin to work with the unique program inside this e-book.

Living By Zen explores the things that steal your peace of mind, different ways you handle stress and why they do not work.

Download the book now and enjoy.

Probably the biggest need all of us have is to experience a wonderful, loving relationship where we can be ourselves, and share our lives with someone meaningful. This is exactly what you will be able to create when you begin to work with the unique program inside my e-book, Save Your Relationship.

In the program you will discover the common mistakes people make in relationships and how to turn them around. You'll see why it's impossible to fail at love, once you understand how to build a foundation that can weather any storm.

Why not throw away old relationship habits and start new right now?

To find out more and order a copy, go to the website, http:.//www.truthaboutlove.com

Get a copy of Save Your Relationship today.

Once you discover your love quotient, you can easily raise it day by day.

Score each question from 1-5. 5 is the highest, 1 the lowest. )

1.I usually see that which is wonderful about the person I am with.

2.I am open to and comfortable with many different kinds of people.

3.When I start a relationship, I do not have strong ideas about where it will go.

4.I find it easy to be pleased by the person I'm with.

5.When something starts going wrong in a relationship, I rarely start to blame.

6.When something starts going right in a relationship, I do not run away.

7.I do not escape into fantasy. The more the person seems to be the one of my dreams, the more mindful I become.

8.I require little to make me happy.

9.When a partner starts to leave, I am thankful for the time we've shared.

10.When a partner starts to leave, I do not do all I can to hold him there.

The next ten questions in next month's ezine.

"A feeling that's here one minute,

And gone the next,

Cannot be called love."

Kabir