Greetings!

As the days grow shorter and evening falls, we naturally turn within. This is a time to recollect, remember and gather our energies. Fall is a time of harvest, brilliantly colored leaves flaring up for a short while before they fall to the ground. It is a season indeed that reminds up both of the brevity of time and of the deep need we all have to make our days truly meaningful.

And, we must remember that In order to live our lives to the fullest an important step we must take is to root out anger, bitterness and resentment in whatever form it appears. There are different ways we can approach conflict, ways that are positive, uplifting and healing for all.

This newsletter is dedicated to those who wish to learn he simple laws of love and how to practice them in all their relationships. Combining Eastern and Western wisdom, we discover easy, enjoyable steps to take which help make our relationships all we want them to be and allow us to live life to the brim.

However, the sense of strength that anger provides is false and temporary. When it passes, the individual often feels weaker and more confused than before. When we think only of our own welfare in a situation, our ability to see the large picture is diminished and our responses are partial and faulty. It's time to look at conflict in a new way and understand what it really is. Then we can take new steps that lead to creative holistic, solutions, where all are the beneficiaries. Every time conflict is resolved for the good of all, real growth and integration become available.

Step 1: Realize that conflict is a choice you make.

Conflict is not a form of power, strength, or control. It is a toxin, which creates confusion, narrowed focus, and defensiveness. When conflict arises, stop, breathe deeply, and immediately look at the larger perspective. Put the incident in context. For a moment, allow the other person to be "right". Tell yourself you have plenty of time to be right later. Your main goal is to have the conflict subside so you can be see what is best for all.

Step 2: Pinpoint the 24 forms of anger.

Anger camouflages itself and manifests in many ways. Unrecognized anger turns into all kinds of unwanted behavior that become impossible to stop. We have to become aware that this behavior is just another form of anger and pull it out at the root.

Some of the 24 forms of anger are: depression, hypocrisy, self-sabotage, low self- esteem, burnout, passive aggressive behavior, compulsions, perfectionism, gossiping, lying, and various addictions. When we realize that these behaviors are being fueled by anger, it is easier to take appropriate steps to handle them.

Step 3: Give Up Being A Martyr - Stop Giving and Taking Guilt

Most martyrs do not think of themselves as martyrs. They may describe themselves as long- suffering, giving much more than they get. There's a huge difference between giving and manipulation. Martyrs manipulate with guilt. But guilt is a lethal toxic. When we make someone feel guilty, we are harming them. When people feel guilty they find some way to punish themselves and others.

Give up giving guilt and also give up taking it. Recognize this as toxic behavior, which has no constructive outcome.

Step 4: Stop Casting Blame

Blaming others (and ourselves) is an expression of hurt, disappointment and helplessness and never leads to a constructive solution. Stop casting blame. By blaming others you are disempowering yourself. By taking responsibility you are taking back control. Stop a moment and see the situation through your opponent's eyes. When you do this blame dissolves on the spot.

The best defense against being hurt is to feel good about yourself, to remember that the way a person responds to you says more about them, than about you. As you stop casting blame you will be letting go of all kinds of resentments. Resentment inevitably affects our well- being and constricts our lives. Look for and find what is positive in each individual and situation. Focus on that.

Step 5 - Create Realistic Expectations There is nothing that makes us more angry and hurt than expectations we've been holding onto that have not been met. It is important to become aware of our expectations. Are they realistic? Does the other person hold similar expectations in the relationship? Once we let go of unrealistic fantasies, clarity about what to do in present time is greatly increased. As this happens, spontaneous, healing solutions become available on the spot.

Step 6 - Develop An Attitude of Gratitude

See what the person you are in conflict with has given to you. We often take many things for granted and are even unaware of all that we are receiving day by day. Take time to make a list of all that you received from this person, and may even be receiving today. Take time to feel grateful. Make a point of giving thanks. Acknowledging the benefits you have received from your adversary, will not weaken you, it will strengthen the entire relationship, and ease the process of making peace.

In this vein, it is also very helpful to write down all you have given to that person as well. Conflict can often be unconsciously escalated by guilt a party feels. We often think we are giving so much and receiving so little. This is a great cause of anger and feelings of deprivation. However, when we take time daily to look carefully, we are often surprised and how much we have received and how little given in return. As we see how much we receive daily, anger naturally subsides. If each person feels satisfied with what they have given, self respect increases, and they can then more easily assess what is suitable for all.

This article is based upon Dr. Shoshanna's award winning book, The Anger Diet (30 Days to Stress Free Living), McMeel. www.theangerdiet.com

Melt Away Toxic Feelings With The Anger Diet

Everyone wants to be beautiful, young, healthy, fit and to feel good about themselves. There is no end to available diets and workouts, but the most important diet has been overlooked.

This is a diet that releases stress, lets you sleep soundly at night, reduces cravings and brings new friends into your life. This diet gets rid of the number one toxin that destroys well-being - anger.

In Dr. Shoshanna book, The Anger Diet, you'll learn about the 24 forms of anger, the lies anger tells you, and how to stop it fast with the Emergency Technique. Each day you'll give up a different form of anger and replace it with a life changing antidote. The life changing effects of this diet will appear soon after starting.

There's no need to keep going the way you have been. Choose to feel good today. Get a copy of The Anger Diet and see how easy it is to say no to upset.

Click Here To Get A Copy Of The Anger diet

Anger Busters For Everyday Life

Speak kindly to someone who's angry with you.

If someone has a complaint against you, really stop and listen.

Find 3 things you really like and respect about your opponent.

Give someone you are upset with the benefit of the doubt.

) Stop trying to control the person you are angry with. Let them be who they are.

If you are right in a dispute, give up being right (for that moment, or day). Let the other person keep his/her pride.

If two people you know are in a fight, speak well of each one of them to the other.

Put the other person ahead of yourself. (You do not to always be "first")

Do a forgiveness workout:

Make a point of forgiving at least one person you haven't yet forgiven everyday.

Ask yourself, "How much suffering is enough?" Am I willing to feel good today?

Remember:We Are Not Hurt By What People Say and Do. (It's our reactions that hurt us)

Anger Tells Us Lies

Anger Can Become An Addiction

We Can Choose Our Responses

The Best Way to Defend Yourself Against Anger Is To Feel Good About Yourself

Think About What You Can Give, Not Get

What We See In Others, We Bring Out In Them

You Cannot Be Insulted, If You Do Not Take It As An Insult

Being Healthy and Loving is More Important Than Being Right

When We Identify Ourselves As Victims, We Attract Victimizers

When We Expect Something, We Draw It To Ourselves

We Can Change The Whole Course of Our Lives By Changing Our Attitude Towards It

"May all beings have happiness and the courses of happiness"

All relationships have times when both couples seem to pull apart, want to move in different directions or grow in ways that may seem opposite. Let him be who he is. Let he feel as he does and express his thoughts and feelings, though they may be different from yours. A relationship is not a battle. It's not a question of one being right and the other wrong. Just be there for him and listen. Acknowledge what he feels and who he is. It's not necessary to agree, but it is necessary to listen and to the grant one another the space to express whatever is going on.

Find out what it is he truly wants from you, and if it's possible for you to provide it. If it is, provide it for him. Sometimes an individual blames the partner for frustration they are going through. Don't take in this criticism. Allow yourself to be true to yourself in the relationship, and to validate who you are. As you follow these steps the friction should subside.

Practice the 21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships

Most of us assume that treats are for special occasions or times when we've especially deserved them. However, if we stop regularly and ask ourselves what we would really like today, and then give it to ourselves, our days would be brighter and we will feel well cared for.

The same is true for the people we interact with. Ask someone each day what they would like if they could have it. Once they tell you, see if you can give it to them.

Be creative; some treats could be a long walk in the park, going to a movie, a new book, a massage, quality time with a friend. As we open our hands and hearts and give, both to ourselves and others, our lives become filled with unexpected joy.

Read more about a life gratitude in Living By Zen (Timeless Truths For Everyday Life)

Peaceful Harbor (Center for Discovering and Developing Peace of Mind).

The Center will provide programs which integrate the wisdom of East and West and offer psychological, spiritual and practical guidance in resolving conflict creatively and living a life dedicated to our highest good.

Conflict and divorce mediation will also be available.

More news about this later.

WORKSHOP: JOURNEY THROUGH ILLNESS, LOSS AND CHANGE :October 12-14

Dr. Shoshanna will be leading this workshop at the Zen Mountain Monastery, Mt. Tremper, NY.

For more information contact mro@mro.org. or call (845) 688-2228)

GIVE A GIFT

Give a session with Dr. Shoshanna in person or on the phone, or invite Dr. Shoshanna to talk or offer a workshop in your community. She speaks on many topics including:

21 Unfailing Laws of Successful Relationships

30 Days to Lasting Peace of Mind (The Anger Diet)

How To Become Your Own Best Friend (The Art of Building Real Self Worth)

p>Living and Loving Through Illness and Change

- Dr. Shoshanna's programs are available as talks, half day workshops, full day , or week-end workshops.Contact us for more information. topspeaker@yahoo.com

Or, perhaps you'd like to give someone you care for a copy of one of Dr. Shoshanna's books such as Zen and The Art of Falling In Love, filled with delightful stories,guidelines and steppingstones to love, based on Zen practice.

Dr. Shoshanna appears regularly on Hallmark TV, New Morning Show. For more information about the show go to: http://www.newmorningtv.tv

Learn more about The New Morning Show

After a relationship ends, whether it's a twenty-year marriage, or a promising romance that becomes disappointing, women ask what went wrong over and over again. Usually they blame themselves, feeling that it they had done something different things wouldn't have turned out as they did. A great deal of the pain and upset is due to the fact that they don't really understand what happened, what caused the man to go.

In this revealing, intimate book, I ask the men themselves and they provide some startling and enlightening answers. Drawing on hundreds of interviews, I present men's own words and perspectives about the various reasons their relationships fell apart. You'll be surprised and relieved to hear what they have to say. Usually the reason men leave, has nothing to do with you.

Some of the topics covered in the book include, The Fear of Committment, Ghosts of Past Relationships, The Mid-Life Crisis, The Repetition Compulsion, Competition With In-Laws, The Fantasy Woman, and many others.

Why keep going without understanding?Take new steps today to learn more about men and relationships, feel better about yourselves and findthe courage to love again.

Why Men Leave

In this book you will discover the 2,000 Year Old Zen Secrets To Being Calm, Balanced and Positive, No Matter What Is Going On.

Probably the biggest need all of us have is to feel calm, balanced and positive no matter what is going on in our lives. This is exactly what you will feel when you begin to work with the unique program inside this e-book.

Living By Zen explores the things that steal your peace of mind, different ways you handle stress and why they do not work.

Download the book now and enjoy.

Probably the biggest need all of us have is to experience a wonderful, loving relationship where we can be ourselves, and share our lives with someone meaningful. This is exactly what you will be able to create when you begin to work with the unique program inside my e-book, Save Your Relationship.

In the program you will discover the common mistakes people make in relationships and how to turn them around. You'll see why it's impossible to fail at love, once you understand how to build a foundation that can weather any storm.

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Get a copy of Save Your Relationship today.