Greetings!

As autumn deepens the days grow cooler and shorter.The holiday season will soon be approaching and this is a perfect time to give extra thought to ways in which we can make our lives and relationships most meaningful.Rather than go along with habitual ways of living, it is important to stop and take account of how we have been living, and what is truly possible for us. The end of the year brings the reminder of how fleeting time is and how important it is to use each day that is given to us in the most fulfilling manner.

This newsletter is dedicated to creating optimal balance, well being and inspiration in our relationships and in all areas of our lives.

Thank you for your patience and thanks for the many inquiries I've received about it.

At this point we still believe that another person can make us happy. But, all right, let us look for a moment at what we're dreaming of. Take a moment to see clearly who this perfect person is to you. Sit down and write a description of how you would imagine your perfect partner to be. Let yourself daydream. Write down all the qualities such a person would have.

Now, write a paragraph describing how you would have to be in order to have such a partner. (Daydreams have power). Just doing this exercise you may begin to laugh. There may be wild discrepancies between how you see yourself now and how you feel your would have to be to hold such a perfect partner.

What else might you discover? You might also discover that you do not really like this perfect person after all. He/she may only be some kind of ego-ideal.(Someone to build up your own self-image).

This is love found looking in the mirror, an idealized image of yourself. An attitude like this is based upon non-acceptance of who and what we really are. When we use another person to build up our own self-image, this kind of relationship is grounded in fear. Without this person we might feel as if we were nothing, and our lives were meaningless. Love can never be built upon a foundation that is not real. If we do not feel secure within ourselves, is it really so surprising we may not really be so eager, after all, for this perfect person to appear at our door?

What would happen if one day the perfect person just suddenly walked into your life? What kind of responses might then occur? Here are some possibilities - You might think - What can he/she see in me? How can I hold him/her? How awful it will be when she/he rejects me, as I know must eventually happen. Then the most horrifying thought of all. What happens if we do have a relationship and I'm still not happy after all. Where do I go from here?

These questions may go on beneath the surface of our awareness, (our unconscious) and stop love happening before it starts. They need to be looked at and answered, in order to be free to begin that wonderful journey into the world of love.

The questions are all based upon a basic question - Who am I, really? Am I good enough? If I find that Perfect Person will that make me perfect as well? These questions are all based upon an illusion, a false notion, the crazy belief that we are not all perfect right now, exactly as we are.

They are based upon the notion that we have to earn the love we long for, that love is not our birthright. But deeper than all of that, these questions arise from not realizing that the very first step we must take in finding the Perfect Person is making friends with, accepting and knowing who we really are.

In seeking our Perfect Person or relationship, there are many discoveries to be made. One is that many of us keep this perfect person, or true love away. If we search within ourselves we realize that being with someone we feel is perfect makes us even more painfully aware of our own imagined inadequacies.

Deep down we feel we do not really deserve it. Because we feel we don't deserve it, we expect or create rejection automatically. Actually for many, rejection itself is inherent in love.

It can be so painful waiting for this rejection to happen that some of us do many things actually bring it about. We show our worst side, pick fights, test, criticize or judge the other constantly. Anything, to get the painful rejection over with. And Fast!

Many destroy the relationship before it sneaks up from behind and destroys them instead. Is love a game of destroy or be destroyed? Needless to say this sense of love is bound to bring fear in its trail.

The more aware we are of how we unnecessarily shake up our relationships, the easier it will be to Stop It when we start doing it automatically. We do not have to live our lives on automatic pilot. Instead, start the process of awareness right now. Sit down and write a paragraph or two about what you do to shake up your relationships.

(Go on, be honest. Nobody is looking, but you. Instead of always blaming the other, and feeling unworthy, take a long, hard, good look at how you make it difficult. Look at the ways in which you may choose someone you know is wrong right from the start. Many people constantly fall into relationships only with people they know will be difficult. In this manner they insure that they will either be rejected, or have to reject the other again.

Rejection can feel more comfortable and familiar than the experience of oneness and love. Take a long, hard, good look at this. Look at what it is in you that feels it must keep love away. Blame of others and also self-blame are not needed now. We cannot be open to love and relationship, we cannot find the truly perfect person until we are able to release our fear of and desire for rejection. Once this pattern is dealt with, all of life opens its many doors. As this happens it is inevitable to realize that love is free, it flows everywhere. It flows to everyone regardless of their qualities. Why are you keeping it away?

As we proceed in these exercises, we become ready to take hold of the first steppingstone to love. (A steppingstone is a tiny hurdle we jump over to get to our desired end). Our first hurdle has to do with the foolish ideas we have about what love is.

We must realize that love has nothing to do with any images or fantasies of how somebody else "should be", or how we "should be" either. After we pass this steppingstone it becomes easy to realize that each person is the perfect person just as they are. perfect person for you to love is the one who is standing in front of you, right here. Look around for a moment. Who is there? Really look at this person.

Are you willing to love them? Really? What will happen if they start to love you too? Now, really look around at who is in your life now.

Make a list of the people.Imagine yourself loving each one of them - one at a time. Imagine them loving you too. What does it feel like? If you can't imagine this with someone, write down why not? What about them has to change in order for you to love them? What has to change about you?

The next crucial steppingstone to jump over is the realization that anything we can't love or accept in another, is a mirror of something we can't love or accept in our ourselves. All it takes is one moment to decide to turn that around. You can do it. Try for a moment. See how wonderful it feels.

Here is a lovely exercise that brings all of this together easily. Close your eyes, look at yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you. Open your eyes a moment. Close them again, and look at yourself now through your own eyes. Open your eyes. Can you choose to look at yourself and others, through the eyes of someone who loves them? If you can, you will be amazed at all the love that starts flowing into your life.

Find Out More About Relationships In Save Your Relationship

Discover the surprising truths about love that can save your relationship and make it all you want it to be.

Even a wonderful relationship can become difficult when we don't know the basic laws of love and how to apply them in our everyday lives.

Probably the biggest need all of us have is to experience a wonderful, loving relationship where we can be ourselves, and share our lives with so meone meaningful. This is exactly what you will be able to create when you begin to work with the unique program inside my e-book, Save Your Relationship.

In the program you will discover the common mistakes people make in relationships and how to turn them around. You'll see why it's impossible to fail at love, once you understand how to build a foundation that can weather any storm.

Why not throw away old relationship habits and start new right now?

To find out more and order a copy, go to the website, http:.//www.truthaboutlove.com

Find out more in: Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships)

So many men are shocked when women tell them that they don't feel loved in the relationship. The men feel as though they are giving and doing all they can. But what is often missing is that the men do not stop to take the time to find out what it is that his particular women needs to feel loved. Each person needs something else. If you are giving what makes you feel good, it may not do the trick for her.

Take some time and explore this. Some women need to be told you love and appreciate them regularly. Others need romantic gestures, little gifts, flowers, cards. Some require affection. Many simply need to really feel heard, listened to and understood.

Take a little time and ask your partner what love means to her, and what she needs to feel cared for. You may be surprised.

Find Out The Reasons Men Leave Relationships - You'll Be Surprised

For some of us, our entire lives revolve around being right. If we feel we have been wronged or are in a dispute, we will fight to the last inch to maintain our position - no matter the consequences. Sometimes we will continue to do this even though it very well may cost us a precious relationship.

Why not see how it feels to let this pattern go just once. Even if you are right, give up being right. Let the other person win the argument, and save his or her pride. Harmony between two people is more important.

What price do you pay for being right all the time? When another wins, you do too.

Read more about a life gratitude in Living By Zen (Timeless Truths For Everyday Life)

Dr. Shoshanna will be offering an all day workshop at the Zen Center of Brooklyn (Fire Lotus Zendo) on Relationships and Spirituality

Saturday, November 18th from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m.

The lively, interactive workshop will be based upon Zen and the Art of Falling in Love. We will explore what it takes to develop a life giving relationship. Viewing relationships as practice, we deal with the usual trouble spots in relationships, from miscommunication, insecurity, jealousy, betrayal and rejection. Through a series of simple exercises we will practice becoming vulnerable, available and embracing the world as full of possibility.

Cost $60 for the day.

For more information contact Zen Center of New York City, (718) 875-8229

zcnyc@mro.org

ZEN, JUDAISM AND YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE

Sunday, November 12th, 2 - 5 p.m., in Roslyn Harbor, NY

Cost $35

The practice of Zen and Judaism are like two wings of a bird, both are needed to fly. During the afternoon we will learn about the ways Zen and Jewish practice nourish and strengthen one another. We will also discover ways of integrating these healing practices into our everyday lives.

Instruction in Zen meditation

Torah study

Discussion and specific steps and guidelines

For more information and registration contact Dr. Shoshanna, topspeaker@yahoo.com

Give someone you care for a copy of one of Dr. Shoshanna's books such as Zen and The Art of Falling In Love, filled with delightful stories, guidelines and steppingstones to love, based on Zen practice.

Or, download a copy of Save Your Relationship, http://www.truthaboutlove.com, and give this. (Together they make a wonderful package).

Would forgiveness make a better gift? Get a copy of The Anger Diet, which leads us from upset and anger to forgiveness and love. (www.theangerdiet.com).Dr. Shoshanna, psychologist and relationship expert, is available for counseling and therapy both in person and on the phone. She is also available for talks and workshops based upon her books.

All of Dr. Shoshanna's workshops offer various ways of discovering optimal balance, fulfillment and well-being. During the interactive workshops, there is an opportunity to heal differences, refresh communication (both with others and with oneself), and become in touch with that which is most nourishing for your life.

These programs are available on-going -basis, as talks, half day workshops, full day workshops and on-going seminars. Contact us for more information. tospeaker@yahoo.com

For more information contact her at topspeaker@yahoo.com, or http://www.brendashoshanna.com

Learn more about Dr. Shoshanna at her website: http://www.brendashoshanna.com

After a relationship ends, whether it's a twenty-year marriage, or a promising romance that becomes disappointing, women ask what went wrong over and over again. Usually they blame themselves, feeling that it they had done something different things wouldn't have turned out as they did. A great deal of the pain and upset is due to the fact that they don't really understand what happened, what caused the man to go.

In this revealing, intimate book, I ask the men themselves and they provide some startling and enlightening answers. Drawing on hundreds of interviews, I present men's own words and perspectives about the various reasons their relationships fell apart. You'll be surprised and relieved to hear what they have to say. Usually the reason men leave, has nothing to do with you.

Some of the topics covered in the book include, The Fear of Committment, Ghosts of Past Relationships, The Mid-Life Crisis, The Repetition Compulsion, Competition With In-Laws, The Fantasy Woman, and many others.

Why keep going without understanding?Take new steps today to learn more about men and relationships, feel better about yourselves and findthe courage to love again.

Why Men Leave

Probably the biggest need all of us have is to feel calm, balanced and positive no matter what is going on in our lives. This is exactly what you will feel when you begin to work with the unique program inside this e-book.

Living By Zen explores the things that steal your peace of mind, different ways you handle stress and why they do not work.

Here are a few examples: Do you do these?

a.Constantly build strategies that do not work.

b.Try to change and manage everyone in sight.

c.Seek relationships for comfort and peace.

d.Get addicted to what makes you feel good.

e.Live in hopes, dreams and fantasies of the future.

Check out the full story at http://www.livingbyzen.com

Find out more at http://www.livingbyzen.com

Everyone wants to be beautiful, young, healthy, fit and to feel good about themselves. There is no end to available diets and workouts, but the most important diet has been overlooked.

This is a diet that releases stress, lets you sleep soundly at night, reduces cravings and brings new friends into your life. This diet gets rid of the number one toxin that destroys well-being - anger.

In Dr. Shoshanna book, The Anger Diet, you'll learn about the 24 forms of anger, the lies anger tells you, and how to stop it fast with the Emergency Technique. Each day you'll give up a different form of anger and replace it with a life changing antidote. The life changing effects of this diet will appear soon after starting.

There's no need to keep going the way you have been. Choose to feel good today. Get a copy of The Anger Diet and see how easy it is to say no to upset.

Find out all kinds of time tested ways of improving your life