Greetings!

The end of summer is upon us as autumn arrives and the days grow shorter. The storm that has ravaged our coastal region has touched the heart of us all. It comes as a teacher with many messages - life itself is fragile and transient, all that we own can be blown away in a moment. But who we are cannot be lost. In the midst of the sorrow, chaos and struggle for order, the human spirit remains strong.

This is a great opportunity for us all to reach out, not only to the victims of the storm, but to one another. The job of comforting, re-building and finding meaning belongs not only to the government, but to every one of us.

Let us hope that admist the tragedy suffered, those who have been displaced may find true examples of kindness, warmth, generosity and resources without and within they may not have known existed before.

This edition of the newsletter is dedicated to understanding and healing the loss, anger and sorrow that many are now experiencing.

This is a diet that releases stress, lets you sleep soundly at night, reduces cravings and upset and makes you feel young again. This diet gets rid of the number one toxin that destroys your well-being - anger.

Each day you will give up a different form of anger and replace it with a life-changing, constructive antidote. You will learn about the 24 forms of anger, where they come from, how they manifest, the lies they tell you and how they take over your life. You will also learn "The Emergency Technique", to use when things heat up.

"Dr. Deepak Chopra once told me that he thought the single most common and direct cause of illness was anger. If this is true, Dr. Shoshanna has got to be one of the world class healers of all time. In her book The Anger Diet not only does she present the most complete and compelling description of the many forms of anger, but she also tells you how to treat each of them. If you suffer from any form of anger, and who among us does not, then you must read The Anger Diet. It's a life changing experience." Dr. R. Winn Henderson, M.D., International Radio Talk Show Host.

Some Important Topics The Diet Covers

The 24 Forms of Anger

The Addiction to Anger

The Emergency Technique

What To Do When You're The Subject of Anger

The Lies Anger Tells Us

And many more,

Read on...For more information and to get the book go to http://www.theangerdiet.com

Yet crisis means opportunity. When the process of grief is handled properly suffering can be diminished and symptoms that may appear later, can be forestalled. It is even possible for the individual to grow a great deal during this time and benefit from the experience.

The more we understand what we are going through, the less out of control we will feel. At a time like this we need context, meaning and direction. We need to know what to expect and how to handle the many changes that are happening.

The Dynamics of Loss and Grief

Each person reacts differently to loss and that is fine. Some feel abandoned, others feel betrayed and afraid. Some reach out for love and comfort, while others withdraw, wanting time alone. Some go into denial and seem not to register the loss that has happened. These individuals are often unconsciously processing what has happened, not ready to face reality yet. They may fear they will be overwhelmed if they allow themselves to register what has gone on at this time.

It is best not to pressure a person to react differently. When the individual is accepted for who they are at the moment, it is easier for them to let go, and move on. This entire process takes time.

It helps greatly to realize that the pain we go through during grief is normal. It does not mean there is something wrong with us. We need not feel ashamed of or afraid of our feelings.

What Happens When We Are Grieving

When we are grieving, interest in the outside world subsides, we slow down, sleep more, our social activities seem less meaningful. This is not necessarily bad. An individual may need more time alone. In this process the grieving individual is contemplating the nature of their lives and relationships, and coming to terms with the person they’ve lost. They may be reviewing that which was left unsaid or undone.

Grief is usually most difficult when the individual has had troubled or incomplete relationship. When there have been unsolved conflicts left behind, this makes it harder to be at peace. Many spend time blaming themselves for what they did or didn’t do. Others blame doctors, helpers or family members. Casting blame is a way of removing the guilt and sorrow we feel. The sooner they are able to let go of blame and accusations, the sooner they start on the road of healing.

Let Go Of Blame

Blame, self hate and other forms of anger, are common during grief. Although it is important not to repress anger and disappointment, it is best to feel it and then let it go. Some individuals hold onto anger as a way of keeping connected to the person or situation they have lost. The truth is that anger always keeps us out of balance. It is a poison to the one who holds onto it.

Coming To Terms – Steps You Can Take

Ultimately one must reconcile oneself to what happened. Most people do all they can to avoid experiencing their feelings or situation directly. Many fear that if they face their suffering, it will make them feel small and helpless. Actually, the opposite is true. In order to deal with grief wisely, it’s best not to control or resist the feelings. When different emotions arise be gentle with yourself and patient. When these feelings are not resisted, they simply come to awareness and then fade away.

Feelings that are repressed come out later in different ways, including various physical symptoms, phobias and unwanted behaviors. If we do not address our feelings in one mode, they will appear in another - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

Through acceptance of reality, of oneself and the other, one develops the power the affirm life, and to grow. One can then give to others, and become a source of inspiration, and live a life that is meaningful. The discovery and experience of value and meaning in one’s life and one’s losses is the most potent healing of all.

Hopefully, we come to a point where forgiveness can take place, (forgiveness of the person we’ve lost, forgiveness of ourselves, the universe, or whatever it is we feel anger with). In order to do this, it is deeply helpful to realize that all of life is temporary. People possessions, situations are given to us for a short time. As we acknowledge the transitory nature of life, we can then begin to look deeper and see what it is that we never lose.

Below are a couple of exercises that are helpful in coming to terms with the relationship you have lost, and with the meaning of loss itself.

Exercise – Giving Gifts Make a list of the gifts you received from the person, the ways they taught and inspired you. Now find ways to give those gifts to others. As you do so, not only will you be acknowledging what you received from that person, but honoring their memory and keeping their spirit alive.

Exercise – It Suffices Whenever you think of the person and the way they fell short, what they didn’t give you, say to yourself, “It Suffices.” This is in recognition that they gave all they could, being who they were, and that you can feel satisfied with what you received. (This is an ancient Buddhist practice)

Cc/author/2005

In response to the overwhelming need right now, Dr. Shoshanna has turned her award winning book on grief and loss Journey Through Illness and Beyond into an e-book, so it can be readily available to all. Discover how to turn a time of loss into one of strength and growth in Dr. Shoshanna’s new e-book, Journey Through Illness and beyond, http://www.journeythroughillness.com.

You can read more about Journey Through Illness and Beyond at http://www.jurneythroughillness.com

A sudden loss can really take us by surprise and take awhile to process. It is common to feel a lack of trust, (both in others and in onself), and to fear trying again. We don't want to become vulnerable again, for fear the same thing will happen.

The first thing to realize is that your boyfriend's fear was not a reflection of you, but of issues within him that hadn't been worked out or expressed. Yes, you were blind-sighted, but you can now use this lesson to improve your next relationship, not repeat what happened.

It is extremely important to understand that open, honest, on-going communication is a basic foundation of all good relationships. I am sure that this was not going on in your last relationship, or you would have known something was wrong and that there were issues that needed to be resolved.

It is quite possible, he did not know himself. But in the future, you must develop a true, open and respectful commuication with your partner and with yourself. When feelings are expressed, listened to and respected, trust develops. The couple then becomes able to work through difficulties that arise, or at least be very clear about what's happening and not get blind sighted as you did.

Take little steps back into dating. Go slow. Really get to know the person, and get to know yourself. Loss can make us stronger and wiser, if it is handled properly.

All good wishes,

Read more of Dr. Shoshanna's articles on her website: http://www.brendashoshanna.com

If something displeases you, like a comment your mother-in-law made, a disappointment in a relationship, a rejection on a project, or bad weather on an important day, rather than dwell upon it, just let it go. Put it to the side. Engage in a new activity and turn your attention to something else.

Not only will your displeasure vanish and your mood improve, but whatever it was that displeased you will look different later on. And, you will not have spoiled your day or the day of others.

These exercises are based upon -Living By Zen (Timeless Truths For Everyday Life)

Dr. Shoshanna answers questions on her message board at www.ivillage.com. Post any questions there.

Dr. Shoshanna, psychologist and relationship expert, is available for counselling and therapy both in person and on the phone. She is also available for talks and workshops based upon her books. For more information contact her at topspeaker@yahoo.com

Learn more about Dr. Shoshanna at her website: http://www.brendashoshanna.com